Retracking a p411 "Okay"

[Fancyinheels]

Originally Posted by Kayleehotchick

...Fancy, I've had to put guys in their places before. To me, that is not a big deal. If I've had a dollar every time a guy pushed the buck a little bit, I would be able to pay a months rent!

I SIMPLY DIDN'T KNOW HOW BAD it upset me at the time.

Gosh, if I had a dollar for the same, I could pay my house off!

Definitely confer with Gina. I'd probably let it stand at this point, since he didn't force himself on you, paid you for your time, and sounds like boundaries were bent but not broken, but you'll have to find a way to justify that in your mind and be satisfied with your decision.

If he keeps bugging you, tell him sorry, you don't feel that the chemistry was right between the two of you. You don't owe him any other explanation than that, and anything more might rile him up and have negative consequences for you. I hope he's not a member of ECCIE reading this.

[Hercules]

Tell the guy your "OK" stands. Also tell him if any lady contacts you about him you'll tell her about his antics. Your "OK" will disappear from his account faster then $0.05 beer on a Texas lake party.

[Kayleehotchick]

I agree Fancy about what you said about the 'okay" and let it stand. If he does contact me, I will just tell him that what you said. I'm MORE then sure he is NOT a eccie member.

Besides this is not alert because he didn't do anything wrong to warrant an alert.


Thanks for taking the time helping me on this issue. It has really bothered me.

Hercules, I WANT TO GO TO THAT BEER PARTY!!!!!

[Fancyinheels]

I don't much care for Date-Check (over the years I've only seen a handful of gents from there) but I like their system for giving Okays better. They have "tier" levels, 4, I think. You can "highly recommend" fellows, or just "recommend" them, which will at least get most ladies to send you a note asking for more details.

[~Ze~]

I was always under the impression that if you sent Gina a note about either why you don't want to give a guy an "OK" or why you rethought it and decided it wasn't worth putting your name behind his poor behavior, she would be understanding about it.

Has that changed or wasn't the case?

[Kayleehotchick]

That is would be great if we could do that. I think I would have been more at ease with my okay.

So as of now. My okay will stand. And if he does try to book again, I will do as you advised.

Thanks everyone!


Ze, that had always been my understanding as well.... I wouldn't be surprise if that IS the case. That is what makes p411 so nice because they really do understand both providers and hobbyist.

[KenMonk]

Originally Posted by Kayleehotchick

Gotcha.

Sorry if I came off that way.

I WANT TO MAKE SOMETHING VERY VERY VERY VERY CLEAR so I don't have to repeat myself over and over and over again.

1) IF I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT I WONT SEE ANYONE AGAIN, HE DOESN"T GET A "okay". PERIOD.

2) AT THE TIME, I THOUGHT I WOULD SEE HIM AGAIN.

3) I DID NOT KNOW HOW BAD THE SESSION BOTHERED ME UNTIL HE WANTED TO SEE ME AGAIN. I write this in red to drive that point home. IF I HAD KNOWN HOW BAD IT BOTHERED ME, I WOULDN"T have given him okay.

So before you write "you shouldn't have gave him a "okay" in the first place. Please re-read the statement in red.

Sometimes things take awhile to sink in. It is human nature.

Once I figured out how bad the session bothered me, that is when the "okay" started to bother me.

So I'm asking advice about what to do about the situation.

Hercules so far has given good advice.

Its alright, sometimes its hard to convey meaning, tone, and other simple things via text. Thank you for understanding and make it clear. I was just looking for more information.

I agree sometimes it takes awhile to truly understand even your own feelings of a situation. We have all been there and it will never change. It sucks you had to go through something that is still affecting you, what appears to be long after the fact. Good luck and I wish you the best.

[Kayleehotchick]

Thanks Ken Monk and ditto.

[Guest022315]

Maybe I am assuming too much but don't providers contact one another on ok's given. Assuming yes have you qualified your Ok with that caviot to other ladies? Not trying to derail your initial question on retracting an ok. It does suck that you can't flat out delete or modify your ok from the outset. Considering us gents can delete as we wish

[Kayleehotchick]

Some ladies do contact each other and some don't.

You guys really helped me sort this out and I really really really thank you for it!!!

[clawsonmills]

You can put "ladies please contact me about my ok's I give" in your signature line.

[Gentlemen Rendezvous]

I am probably alone in this line of thinking, but as a man, I would want you to change your OK. I would not want my OK = to this jackass's OK. I would hope my behavior, is much better, and thus deserves distinction from this Yahoo.

[cluelessn1963]

Originally Posted by Gentlemen Rendezvous

I am probably alone in this line of thinking, but as a man, I would want you to change your OK. I would not want my OK = to this jackass's OK. I would hope my behavior, is much better, and thus deserves distinction from this Yahoo.

You sir are not alone. Well said

[bojulay]

Not giving or retracting an ok doesn't really protect another provider
from possible the same experience, it just doesn't give your stamp
of approval on him. The only real way is for you gals to contact
each other, a simple he's good to go should suffice if the guy is really
ok or further detail if the case is like this one.

Looking at it like that actually gives you gals the power with your oks
since there is no current way to add notes on the p411 forum. It would
take extra work and effort on your part and being honest, but
your safety and well being are worth it.

I know, sounds good in theory.

[BossyWillson]

Originally Posted by Kayleehotchick

I'm not one to re-tract a "okay" but there is one okay that I have given that really really really bothers me. Granted, he showed up on time, he was clean, and handled the business part without a problem so in that area, he was fine. But he did try bareback (guys ask for it all the time so I really don't freak out about it because the answer is ALWAYS NO!
What do you think I should do?

Did He ask for the ok?