Finding HDH

[ogre]

Long time lurker :-) First time poster to D&T.

I travel regularly. While I have dabbled in BP ladies, they generally can't provide the kind of environment that I want. I have connected with what I might consider HDH by sheer luck or happenstance and generally the session was fabulous.

My problem is this: How does one a) Find a HDH first of all b) How does one discuss kinks, fetishes or other proclivities? It seems that kinksters tend to not be in the typical hdh category.

Is my ultimate solution set of a hdh experience with kinks a null set or am I searching/looking poorly?

[TravelingGentleman]

Hello Ogre!

You need P411. ECCIE is veritably useless outside of Texas (and even there is still pretty crass), and Backpage is the Internet of Streetwalkers, Pimps, and thugs.

Use some of the OKs you should be getting for your reviews to get set up on P411, which is the most common form of screening and contact in the industry. The HDHs I've met in my travels don't use ECCIE or backpage, they have their own websites. Use P411 to find them. And while many are based in metropolitan areas, no one has told me they wouldn't travel a couple hours to where I am for an extended session / dinner date / overnight.

[ogre]

TG,

Thanks for your insight. I agree with your assessment of BP and eccie outside of Texas.

How do you balance the security issue of another site, like p411, having your personal information? As I am sure it is with you, an Ashley Madison from eccie or p411 would be disastrous.

Ogre

[TravelingGentleman]

p411 doesn't require your personal information. Create an account using any information you like. Give them your hobby number, or a disposable number, or a google voice number. During your registration, you will choose a screen name (Ogre, or whatever) and have fields to fill in for provider verification. Tell your references that you are signing up for P411 and that they will be contacted for OKs.

That's it. People caught up in the Ashley Madison scandal are dumb. Never use personal information, your actual name, your personal email or phone number for anything.

I don't even introduce myself to providers by my real name, I presume they are doing the same, and I am paranoid enough to sow enough misinformation around my hobby sphere so that my wife / others can't trace TravelingGentleman to the man behind him.

Assume everyone is out to get you and you'll be fine. The only "verification" that P411 needs is that they will call the number you give to verify account information that you established - then you're done.

[TravelingGentleman]

Also....

I don't know what your funds are like, but since we *are* in Diamonds and Tuxedos, I'll assume you belong and say this:

If you aren't trying to spend thousands, find a provider that you absolutely want to see, either fly her to you, or fly to her. If you live in a metropolitan area, ask your HDH if she would like to tour your city, and if so - offer her a round trip ticket here (say for a week) and negotiate the rest. A dinner package with a HDH (play time M&G, dinner, entertainment, XXX dessert) runs $650 - $2000 depending on who you are seeing and where. Offer traveling concessions in exchange for a dinner date or something. Round trip airfare and the hotel paid for for the week - you get a session, and she gets a week of free touring to generate business in a new city.

[Fancyinheels]

Originally Posted by TravelingGentleman

p411 doesn't require your personal information. Create an account using any information you like. Give them your hobby number, or a disposable number, or a google voice number. During your registration, you will choose a screen name (Ogre, or whatever) and have fields to fill in for provider verification. Tell your references that you are signing up for P411 and that they will be contacted for OKs.

That's it. People caught up in the Ashley Madison scandal are dumb. Never use personal information, your actual name, your personal email or phone number for anything.

I don't even introduce myself to providers by my real name, I presume they are doing the same, and I am paranoid enough to sow enough misinformation around my hobby sphere so that my wife / others can't trace TravelingGentleman to the man behind him.

Assume everyone is out to get you and you'll be fine. The only "verification" that P411 needs is that they will call the number you give to verify account information that you established - then you're done.

A caveat: I believe the screening process varies, and much depends on whether or not the applying individual already has reputable references and an established presence online. A rank newbie with no providers to vouch for him and no history may have to give more real world info, just like he would with a newbie-friendly provider.

Gina might want to weigh in on this.

No argument that it is always best to be "paranoid," and a Hobby phone and email are highly recommended.

[TravelingGentleman]

Originally Posted by Fancyinheels

A caveat: I believe the screening process varies, and much depends on whether or not the applying individual already has reputable references and an established presence online. A rank newbie with no providers to vouch for him and no history may have to give more real world info, just like he would with a newbie-friendly provider.

Fair - he does have 12 reviews of independent providers. I'm making assumptions given that we're in D&T, but I'd think at least a few of them should be reputable!

[whitechocolate]

There are HDHs in Dallas who provide the ultimate experience. Look for those on P411 who are freaky and into fetish fun and roleplays!!!

[ogre]

Folks,

All great inputs. Thank you for the feedback!

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by TravelingGentleman

Also....

I don't know what your funds are like, but since we *are* in Diamonds and Tuxedos, I'll assume you belong and say this:

If you aren't trying to spend thousands, find a provider that you absolutely want to see, either fly her to you, or fly to her. If you live in a metropolitan area, ask your HDH if she would like to tour your city, and if so - offer her a round trip ticket here (say for a week) and negotiate the rest. A dinner package with a HDH (play time M&G, dinner, entertainment, XXX dessert) runs $650 - $2000 depending on who you are seeing and where. Offer traveling concessions in exchange for a dinner date or something. Round trip airfare and the hotel paid for for the week - you get a session, and she gets a week of free touring to generate business in a new city.

Barter is always a tricky situation. Not that it shouldn't be done and there are, like always, varying valid opinions and levels of comfort with barter. I'm not a fan for a number for reasons I certainly would not recommend it for a first date. Too many moving parts.

If air travel is involved it requires her revealing her real world id to you to book her travel. On your end, you open yourself up to exposure having a hotel room rented to you that she uses for the balance of the week to conduct business. In the event something happens it's your room. We all take risks in this game but I don't like taking risks when I'm not there to control the situation. As an aside, if I see a lady for a date and get a room & she asks if she can stay after I leave to "sleep" or "rest up" I always decline. I recommend having a grown up conversation with her & if she wants to "work" after our date she can reserve the hotel room and we build that expense into the price of the date.

Remember in the HDH world these are not BP gals that need you to front them cash so they can get a room at a motel 6. They are adept at making their own travel arrangements.

Really the only reason barter makes economic sense is when your have a (access to) good or service that cost you less than fair market value or a price the other party you reasonably pay. In the case of air travel or lodging, points or miles, particularly when you got millions of them, can be tempting but I wouldn't do it on the room under any circumstances for my protection and I think she'd be leery of a new client/friend offering to fly her in....it just makes for an awkward initial approach.

[TravelingGentleman]

Originally Posted by atlcomedy

I think she'd be leery of a new client/friend offering to fly her in....it just makes for an awkward initial approach.

Fair enough. I've had a number of offers, and several successes - one spectacular failure (she wanted me to show her around more and spend less time in the hotel room, and repeat visits didn't occur), and one in the works right now.

The most important part is getting to know each other to see you two are compatible enough to make it worth the trip. I certainly wouldn't introduce myself to a provider by asking if she'd fly across the country to see me.

[Lena Duvall]

Some options:

Eros or Gina's Little Secret. For providers who are also Dominants, switches, or submissives and who specifically cater to kinks and fetishes and offer BDSM services there is also The Art of Submission and The Art of Domination.

[Missy Mariposa]

Where to find HDH? Twitter. And google. They have VERY high search engine presence. I won't name names.