Newbie aspiring dom here

[exoticdanceweardealer]

So I am slowly fading into the darkness and I really love it. I have always had an ass fetish (ass play, face sitting, ass worship, even rimmed a bit) and consider myself empathic more than anything, I derive pleasure from knowing my partner is pleasured. That said, sometimes pain is pleasure and if it lingers then I am giving lingering pleasure which is an amazing goal to me.

I had my first spanking experience last night, I met a woman and spanked her as hard as I honestly could for 45 minutes or so. She honestly said she wasn't having trouble sitting and hinted at wanting a longer session next time (fine by me). I have an ass fetish like you wouldn't believe and this is a dream come true for me.

I really haven't gotten the lingo down, how to talk during a good spanking or assert myself. The fear I have is consent, the last thing I want to do is be too demanding and scare a sub away. Clearly that shows how much of a newbie I really am right?

Not sure where to go from here but I am going to try to attend a spanking party this month to observe and participate off and on.

How did some of you stray to this alternative lifestyle and what was being a newbie like?

[ElisabethWhispers]

I know that there used to be a Bottom's UP group here in Dallas, if spanking truly becomes your "thing". There isn't any sex involved with these spanking events. The big spanking convention event (in Dallas) is in June, generally.

Maybe you can attend next year!

And welcome to Another Realm! When you're new, and often I still consider myself less experienced than many of the posters here, I suggest reading. A LOT. I cannot emphasize studying and reading about the whole BDSM sphere.

It's huge. And there is so much to learn.

Also, and this is a big thing that I will just touch upon, when someone is in sub space (or in a zone of sorts), it's important as their Dom to be aware when it's time to quit.

You're the one in control. If someone is wanting something that just isn't going to happen, or you've gone far enough, it's your decision to stop.

I'll share an example. Fisting. I have a client that just loves the idea of fisting. Have I fisted a man? Oh, a few times. It's an intense experience.

But this one client of mine, well it's just not stretching as much as it needs to. So each time, I get to a certain point and I stop. Why? It's MY responsibility to take care of this person while they're out of their minds, so to speak.

That's why I think that participating on boards such as this one, fetlife and some of the other places where you can learn things.

Probably my one concern is safety and taking care of the submissive. They're breakable. And they're a limited commodity.

Take good care of the people who wish to be submissive to you. It's a grand gift that they're giving of themselves.

And when both enjoy such a gift, it's very heady.

Good luck and again, welcome to Another Realm!

Sincerely,
Elisabeth

[houston_switch]

The sub always needs a safe word... and it is alright for the Top to stop, examine the bottom carefully, and check in and ask if the bottom is good... and resume if all checks out... They have given you their trust that you will take care of them, maybe push their limits, yet still know when to alter what you have been doing, or continue...

[*GoddessDallas*]

Exotic...
If you don't know what you are doing, you could hurt someone.
LEARN before you leap.

[exoticdanceweardealer]

Thanks so much for the advice, seems this sub is very seasoned in the spanking area and wants to push it very far. I might have to let her down in not taking it to the very extreme at least like you say, until I know what I am doing. Fortunately butts are pretty darn durable which is why I am starting out there instead of some of the other rougher stuff.

She attends bottoms up frequently and she goes with the whole "Green, Yellow, Red" thing. She just keeps trying to pick at me and tell me that I am hitting like a girl, I guess that's called being a "Brat" right?

[*GoddessDallas*]

EDWD...
Communication is KEY.
This conversation should be with HER, baby.

[mwsatx]

Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

...this is a big thing that I will just touch upon, when someone is in sub space (or in a zone of sorts), it's important as their Dom to be aware when it's time to quit...

It's MY responsibility to take care of this person while they're out of their minds, so to speak.

Probably my one concern is safety and taking care of the submissive. They're breakable. And they're a limited commodity.

Take good care of the people who wish to be submissive to you. It's a grand gift that they're giving of themselves.

Well said, Elisabeth!!!

[Zhivago52]

Dallas Rain stayed at a hotel where they were having a spanking convention....some group up in the metroplex. They have a very interesting website, but I don't have it at the moment.