Apology to Date That I Cancelled On

[Bobster36]

I’m writing this because I feel badly about cancelling on an appointment. I cancelled because I didn’t feel comfortable in the apartment complex of the incall. That is, I’m a middle-aged white guy wearing slacks, a jacket and a collared dress shirt driving a shiny (freshly washed) new foreign car. The apartment complex is in NE Dallas, south of 635. The appt was set for 7P and was to be a 2 hour date. That is, I’d arrive before sundown and leave after dark .

Like most dates these days, the girl refuses to be very specific about location until appt time. As background, she’s fairly well-reviewed, Caucasian and has P411, as do I. I had read her reviews but hadn’t seen anything to alarm me about the neighborhood.

So I call her at about 6:50 near a restaurant she mentioned and she guided me in. When I entered the complex, I was struck by the complete lack of any Caucasian, Latino or Asian human presence. There were many AA children, women and men. The AA men were all working on their cars (4 different cars, I counted!). As I drove through the complex, I was struck by how out of place I would be when I parked and exited my car. I made eye contact with several men that were clearly wondering WTF I was doing there. As it was a 2 hour date, I brought a fair amount of cash with me (for time and companionship only).

When I realized that my car would be sitting in that lot for over 2 hours and I would be exiting her apt after dark, I decided to cancel. Now I know that I’m going to get flamed for racism but this wasn’t about race, rather it was probably more about the complete lack of diversity and that I was there for a reason I’d prefer to remain private. I’ve seen AA, Latina and Asian providers, so racism isn’t the issue. I simply didn’t feel comfortable being so obviously out of place in that complex, with a large amount of cash, leaving my new car and then returning to it after dark. I was considering that if she’s likely using this location, then other white guys have shown up for 30 or 60 or 120 minutes and then left. I have no suspicions whatsoever that she would have wished me any ill will, but her neighbors………?
Although I will not name my intended date, the location is 635 & Skillman. If she reads this and wishes to out herself, she is free to do so. I suspect she lives in that apartment so naming her would be revealing RL information.

I’m asking for comments re: my actions. I texted her, apologized and explained my reasons. I’m publically apologizing here too. I guess I’m advising ladies to consider their target market. If you’re trying to cater to white-collar type of white guys, a location that is in an overwhelmingly (or completely) minority area may not be the best choice. If a man can spend $250+ (for time and companionship only, of course), he most likely won’t feel comfortable in your location after dark.

All the above said, had this been a Sat afternoon with an appt ending before sunset and I was dressed in my Saturday casual clothes, I most certainly would not have cancelled. Had this been a morning or mid-day appt, I most likely would have gone through with it. But after dark, in a neighborhood where I was so obviously out of place, dressed for an office meeting…….it seemed riskier than I was comfortable with.

Let the flames begin!

[fletch]

well done bobster, with all the bs self-promoting, shit-slinging drama going on around here its nice to see a real thought provoking post in co-ed.

i think u did the right thing, maybe nothing would have happened; but feeling comfortable has got to be a priority, no matter what. you also handled the situation honestly with the provider and didn't make up a fake story/excuse. this is the way the hobby should work.

[omakase]

None of the guys historically fault another hobbyist when this happens. Whenever something doesn't seem right or when you smell bacon, nobody will think less of you for turning around. The public apology is a nice touch.



Did you at least text her to let her know why? Usually, they'll understand. If this is the reason why you NCNS, then at least this post will help explain why. Better late than never.

[SweetMelody]

Since it was to be a two hour appointment, the lady might have considered springing for a more secure hotel nearby. I know that nothing stings more than a last minute cancellation. If she is low volume, like me, she probably spent most of the day preparing for and counting on you.
Not trying to make you feel more guilty, just a thought.
I think the public apology is a nice touch, too. You're awesome.
SweetMelody

[er48665]

Well written. It is totally understandable that you had to cancel. Safety should always be a priority.

[catbanger]

There were many AA children, women and men. The AA men were all working on their cars (4 different cars, I counted!). As I drove through the complex, I was struck by how out of place I would be when I parked and exited my car. I made eye contact with several men that were clearly wondering WTF I was doing there.

They all knew what you were doing there. Many a ho work in them same appartments and everybody knows what's going on.

[Melissa Madyson]

I live in East Fort Worth, in a very well maintained and kept up apt. complex. And I have a very diverse community of people that resides there, and even though I have lived there several years, I realize that not every gen't is comfortable coming into my area... (I have even had gen'ts say that I have a stellar apt. inside.) Even though my complex is very decent, my area isn't a 5 star area... And I have had a gen't cancel and he did so because of this same issue fore mentioned. So I think he did the right thing by letting her know the honest reason, and perhaps in the near future, he can try to see her again, but in a different location , such as a nice hotel..

[sweet_k47]

Bob good job and well no need to apologize safety first on all levels. I too am like you and well any red flag and I am out, while many beauties interest me safety, location etc play a big roll in actual appointments.

[BBW Katrina]

For future reference 635 & Skillman isn't a great area to begin with....or Abrams, Forest Lane, Greenville, High Five.............

[Jewish Lawyer]

Well, as BBW Katrina, whom I respect and admire, can tell you, some people have called me racist for less. If everyone is the same regardless of their skin color, if we are all equal, then I don't understand why anyone can make the assumption an area is more dangerous because everyone there is black. I have been at Dallas Gentlemen's Club past midnight with lots of cash, and never had a problem. I've gone to strip clubs near Redbird Mall at night where I was the sole white person there, and no problems.
It is disingenuous to call yourself non racist yet see skin color as a threat. If you see skin color and judge a person differently, that is a racist thought. Just fucking admit it.
If black people see a white person in that situation and point out his race and say something like, "Hey whiteboy, get the fuck outta here," that is also racism.
Our society has white racists, yellow racists, brown racists, and even a few black racists.
P. S. I support the right of providers to refuse service based upon race.
P.P.S. In the OP's situation, you owe the girl some money for her preparation, scheduling efforts, emails, texts, calls, and reserving time for you. I would pay the fee in that situation, and I challenge you to find any girl here who sez I ever cheated her. Every girl I've been with would tell you I always pay in full and never ask for or receive a discount.
P.P.P.S. Affirmative action sucks!!

[pyramider]

How did the lady take the cancellation? I must of skipped over it, or just missed it.

If you really want to see the lady, reschedule for an earlier hour or at a hotel. Maybe even give her a little to make try to make things right. I recommend showing her taint some attention.

[BigEddie]

I can completely understand this, Bobster. I'm Asian and if I go to an incall at an apartment complex and there are only white people around, I get very uncomfortable, especially if it is at night.

If ladies want to cater to white collar Asian men who are willing to pay $250 per hour, they should really reconsider living in an all white neighborhood. Other than a white person, who would feel safe going there? Gee, I hope this doesn't make me sound racist, because I'm not. I have seen white providers before. I just don't want to go see them in a white neighborhood.

I also thought your apology was stellar. Especially the way you quickly jumped from the apology to the non-racist thrashing of her incall. I am sure that made her feel so much better.

If you feel comfortable coming over to an Asian neighborhood after dark, I'll buy you a beer.

[BBW Katrina]

Originally Posted by Jewish Lawyer

Well, as BBW Katrina, whom I respect and admire, can tell you, some people have called me racist for less. If everyone is the same regardless of their skin color, if we are all equal, then I don't understand why anyone can make the assumption an area is more dangerous because everyone there is black. I have been at Dallas Gentlemen's Club past midnight with lots of cash, and never had a problem. I've gone to strip clubs near Redbird Mall at night where I was the sole white person there, and no problems.
It is disingenuous to call yourself non racist yet see skin color as a threat. If you see skin color and judge a person differently, that is a racist thought. Just fucking admit it.
If black people see a white person in that situation and point out his race and say something like, "Hey whiteboy, get the fuck outta here," that is also racism.
Our society has white racists, yellow racists, brown racists, and even a few black racists.
P. S. I support the right of providers to refuse service based upon race.
P.P.S. In the OP's situation, you owe the girl some money for her preparation, scheduling efforts, emails, texts, calls, and reserving time for you. I would pay the fee in that situation, and I challenge you to find any girl here who sez I ever cheated her. Every girl I've been with would tell you I always pay in full and never ask for or receive a discount.
P.P.P.S. Affirmative action sucks!!

JL Sweetie Bun, I love our relationship! It has flourished so beautifully!

[Guest070413]

Originally Posted by pyramider

How did the lady take the cancellation? I must of skipped over it, or just missed it.

Nope, you didn't miss anything. One could surmise not very well considering he added enough detail so she would know exactly who he is speaking of, but would have to out herself if she chooses to reply. There is one skillful level of CYA and drama prevention in that apology.

But what's a guy to do? If you don't feel safe leaving your car unattended, you probably shouldn't.

[Thuck Fat]

Originally Posted by Bobster36

I guess I’m advising ladies to consider their target market.If you're trying to cater to white-collar type of white guys, a location that is in an overwhelmingly (or completely) minority area may not be the best choice.

What advice would you give to ladies conducting business in an overwhelmingly Caucasian area? Should a white-collar AA male feel uncomfortable or out of place if he gets a strange look from 4 white guys hanging around near the incall?

Originally Posted by BigEddie

I can completely understand this, Bobster. I'm Asian and if I go to an incall at an apartment complex and there are only white people around, I get very uncomfortable, especially if it is at night.

If ladies want to cater to white collar Asian men who are willing to pay $250 per hour, they should really reconsider living in an all white neighborhood. Other than a white person, who would feel safe going there? Gee, I hope this doesn't make me sound racist, because I'm not. I have seen white providers before. I just don't want to go see them in a white neighborhood.

I also thought your apology was stellar. Especially the way you quickly jumped from the apology to the non-racist thrashing of her incall. I am sure that made her feel so much better.

If you feel comfortable coming over to an Asian neighborhood after dark, I'll buy you a beer.

Classic!