This thread is not about me...well kinda!

[boardman]

Once upon a time in the land of Ez, in the Valley of GS03(also known as the promised land) there was a princely cat who was descended from a short line of royal cats. Now this prince was a well known mouser and spent his days fucking with the mice of Ez as he was encouraged to do by his mentors. Occasionally the prince would fuck with a whore for his amusement but generally he paid them just to fuck.


Now the land of Ez was a large populated area full of sheep, mice and fish-frog-squirrels(which the prince was particularly fond of) as well as quite a few whores. Because of the vast differences in the opinions between the cats, sheep, mice, fish-frog-squirrels and whores the master of Ez decided he needed help keeping things under control(or at least appearing to be under control) so he went to the Hollow of Dim Wits to find some Dim Wits to be the care takers of his land and also provide the sheep, mice, fish-frog squirrels, whores and especially the cats with entertainment. So as not to let the Dim Wits know that they were being made fun of he would give them some rules that the the Cats, sheep, mice, fish-frog-squirrels and whores were expected to live by and the sheriffs would have the power of punishing anyone that disobeyed the rules.


So the Master of Ez posted signs all over the Hollow of Dim Wits that he was looking for sheriffs but he couldn't figure out why no one applied for the job. He then went to the whores of the Hollow of Dim Wits and told them he was looking for sheriffs and that if they would help him spread the word he would make certain that the new sheriffs wouldn't be too mean to them and in return for some occasional free pussy for himself and the sheriffs he would make sure they were protected by the sheriffs.


Word quickly spread and soon some dwarfs showed up. Now these dwarfs had came from the darkest caves in the Hollow of Dim Wits because they were tired of being denied pussy even when they offered to pay for it. These dwarfs were know as Dopey, Sleazy, Stupid, Clueless, Bashful, Useless and Duc. Bashful wasn't really a sheriff he was more like a deputy but the other sheriffs insisted he be given the title of sheriff also or none of them would be sheriff. After careful consideration the Master of Ez decided that these dwarfs from the Dark Caves of the Hollow of Dim Wits would be perfect for the task he envisioned. The master set about having his scribes translate the rules of Ez into written form and presented them to the sheriffs.


To the Master of Ez' dismay he found out the sheriffs could not decipher the written language of Ez so he read the rules aloud to them, told them what their job was and then he left to go back home to the Castle of Ez. Knowing that dwarfs had excellent memory capacity he felt that this reading would be sufficient and was pleased with his selection both for himself and the cat, sheep, mice, fish-frog-squirrels and whores of EZ. However these were not ordinary dwarfs. While they had good memories some of them could get quite confused and so they got confused by the rules that had been read to them.


So it came to pass that some of these sheriffs worked very diligently and tried to abide by the Master of Ez' instructions. Others got confused by the instructions and spent most of their days fucking the whores of the Hollow of Dim Wits and still others were so frustrated by their confusion that they became mean, ornery and hateful to the cats, sheep, mice, fish-frog-squirrels, and whores of Ez. Now the cats of Ez were quite good readers and their memories were excellent but they were quite rowdy and cantankerous and they would tease the sheriffs for not understanding the rules.
Through the years some sheriffs would retire their position and become emissaries living out their years recalling how wonderful they were as sheriffs and accepting free pussy that the Master of Ez would occasionally send their way if they had been particularly good sheriffs. When they would retire another dwarf from the darkest caves of the Hollow of Dim Wits would take his place and his name.


The princely cat who was a well known mouser became intrigued at the thought of playing tricks with the sheriffs and went about testing their knowledge of the rules of Ez. Sometimes the sheriffs would get so mad at the prince that they would give him punishment but as they got to know the princely cat they realized that his and the other royal cats teasing them was a way of reminding them what the rules were when they seemed to be confused.


As time went on some of the more intelligent dwarfs began to learn the lessons of the royal cats and became calm and secure in their positions and were able to tolerate the discussions between the cats, sheep, mice, fish-frog squirrels and whores. Occasionally a discussion would get so heated that a sheriff would need to step in and calm things down or the discussion would get off track and a sheriff would quietly intervene, redirect the discussion and then quietly step back and let the discussion take it's natural course. Very rarely a sheriff might have to break up a discussion due to violation of the Rules of Ez as they remembered them and even issue punishment within the rules but when it did happen he would almost always give his reason. Sometimes the cats would have to reread the rules to the sheriffs and explain what they meant but this didn't happen very often.



Eventually, most of the sheriffs from the darkest caves of the Hollow of Dim Wits began to understand that the royal cats were just helping them out to be better sheriffs but a few of the sheriffs took their titles a little too seriously and it became necessary for the royal cats to hit the sheriffs with a baseball bat to get their attention. Sometimes the baseball bat worked right away, sometimes it would cause the royal cats to get punishment which would later be reversed and sometimes it would piss a sheriff off, that he got hit with a baseball bat, that he would strike back at the cats with his own baseball bat or try prove that he was superior to the royal cats by issuing punishment without reasonable explanation. Now when this happened the Master of Ez would sometimes make the sheriff apologize to the cats, reverse the punishment or even fire the sheriff and replace him because out of all the citizens of Ez the cats were his chosen tribe.


The royal cats appreciated the Master of Ez for his grace and providence and respected him so they made a promise to him that they would help train the new sheriffs and would expect nothing in return, not even free pussy. This covenant remains in effect to this day and the royals cats and The Master of Ez are very pleased.


The moral of the story is this: Don't fuck with the Master of Ez, he knows what he is doing!

[TexasGator]

Buckin' for emissary status, are you?

Good read, as always...welcome back!

[boardman]

Emissary? Nah, I'd just be happy with untouchable. You know, like WU.
Besides, cats aren't eligible to be emissaries. It's written somewhere in the covenant that they must spend eternity in the promised land.
There is prophecy of a cat that became or will become a sheriff but no one knows his name.


Does anyone else thinck this looks like JaD? ija

[TexasGator]

Spittin' image - sans fanny pack

[Jusanotherdude]

My handlebar moustache is much more dignified....

[notanewbie]

I didn't know JaD packed fannies.

[pyramider]

There are photos.

[Jusanotherdude]

Refrigerated Fanny pack bitches..... patent pending.....

[TransAm]

Board man, I love ya bro, but... ThreAD.

[dearhunter]

I shot the sheriff.......I did not shoot the deputy

[boardman]

Originally Posted by TransAm

Board man, I love ya bro, but... ThreAD.

WTF? A cat can't come on here and write about his exploits without being accused of advertising for himself. It's a fucking review not a threAD. You fucktards wouldn't know a legitimate review if it bit you in the ass. Why does everyone have to be so mean to the cat whores. I mean, I was just writing about what happened to me and you asholes start saying this is a threAD. I've got news for you. I don't need this board for advertisement. My reputation is well known and my phone is ringing off the hook whether I post a threAd...er, I mean review or not. I don't know why I even come on here. Most of you are such asholes and it's really not worth my time to try and entertain you. Besides, I'm going to be retiring soon and your going to be sad that I'm gone.

[dearhunter]

Is it safe to say that duc is on the clock?

[boardman]

Originally Posted by dearhunter

Is it safe to say that duc is on the clock?

Heh!

[Old Dingus]

Well done! I have the strangest feeling that I have spent time in that land.

Old Dingus

[dearhunter]

That depends on what "ez" ez