References

[coffeedrinker]

OK...here is my question....

I am kind of new here. Made a couple posts in threads, posted a review (here and on e.com), but don't have any references. Am I SOL in this situation (or any other situation involving some of the finer providers in the area)?

I ask because, while I was out of town a couple weeks ago, I wanted to see a provider in the area I was traveling through (she has a profile/showcase here). She was nice in emails, but since I didn't have references (or P411, or datecheck, etc), she was leery of seeing me (totally understandable). She then asked if she could call my employment to see if I was who I said I was. That to me was kind of a big turnoff (for reasons I won't get into). Granted, she could have called using the "HI my name is Jane Doe and I am looking for information on one of your employees as a reference check for an application he filled out (like a prospective job would do), but that TO ME seemed a little personal (if I am wrong please educate me).

Any advice would be appreciated.......thanks......

[hotlips_houlihan]

Well if you posted a review on a legitimate provider, that is one reference you already have. As far as calling employment, some ladies do that as a screening method. Hell, P411 does it. There is nothing more personal than folks getting intimate with one another. A lady has to screen to the best of her abilities. But I don't think most ladies actually talk to your HR department. Most call to talk to you to verify you do in fact work there.

Meg

[offshoredrilling]

Originally Posted by hotlips_houlihan

A lady has to screen to the best of her abilities. But I don't think most ladies actually talk to your HR department. Most call to talk to you to verify you do in fact work there.

But if he is on the road, He is not there to talk to. Or would hearing voice on voice-mail or answering machine be ok?
I sure would not want her to talk to any one in the office.

[Guest091813]

coffeedrinker...i sent you a pm....:-D nita..

[coffeedrinker]

I will say that when I was traveling, I not only had my cell but my laptop, so I was 100% accessible all the time.

I do understand providers thoughts about their safety. I have NO issues with that at all. It just seems there is a better way then to go through a lot of hoop jumping for newbies. I was married for years, never cheated or even came close, but hobbied years ago. No one is still "active" from either agencies or indys that I have seen. So I am at a disadvantage for providers that are on here (or in another words, are strictly regular advertisers on Craigslist or Backpage; no offense to them, but I think all of you here know how I mean that).

[Guest091813]

CD- I think perhaps that you should look at it another way...if a solid lady advertises that she screens..most likely your gonna see a great provider...if she isn't about the screening you may have a hit or miss experience..and there are great ladies that do advertise on BP..I being one of them and a few other ladies that are providers on this site also advertise on BP...now i started out on cl before the mess of the crazies busted out there...however now..no..

like i had said in my pm to you...with all the reviews of the ladies you are looking to see you know just about everything there is to know about that lady...and is it soo much to ask that we know for def that you are not-le when you come to visit us..well employee screening verifies that...and understand..i just don't let anyone into my space..it is what it is..I'm sure there are good ladies out there that don't care about who is coming into their space however most ladies do want to know....best of luck to you and your ventures...nita..

[brutusbluto]

I am thinking that when a provider calls your employment to verify you work there, just by them asking for you verifies that you actually work there. Heck if you didn't work there, whoever answered the phone would say so. I am sure they are not giving the reasons for the call, they are just asking for you. Of course in a large employment setting, it would be possible that whoever answers the phone may not know you at all. In that case, it would be difficult to verify you work there. That would leave you one other way to see the provider requesting verification and that would be to get another provider to verify you.

[hotlips_houlihan]

Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

But if he is on the road, He is not there to talk to. Or would hearing voice on voice-mail or answering machine be ok?

See Jymie's response below.

Originally Posted by jymie

I am thinking that when a provider calls your employment to verify you work there, just by them asking for you verifies that you actually work there. Heck if you didn't work there, whoever answered the phone would say so. I am sure they are not giving the reasons for the call, they are just asking for you. Of course in a large employment setting, it would be possible that whoever answers the phone may not know you at all. In that case, it would be difficult to verify you work there. That would leave you one other way to see the provider requesting verification and that would be to get another provider to verify you.

I can't get into detail about what we do to verify as it's against the code of conduct in our handbook but I will say there is more to it than just asking for the gent. But "I" don't talk to the HR department. It doesn't matter whether he is in the office or not.

Meg

[offshoredrilling]

Originally Posted by offshoredrilling

But if he is on the road, He is not there to talk to. Or would hearing voice on voice-mail or answering machine be ok?
I sure would not want her to talk to any one in the office.

Originally Posted by coffeedrinker

I will say that when I was traveling, I not only had my cell but my laptop, so I was 100% accessible all the time.

But not at the office land line phone to talk to you as hotlips_houlihan posted. Unless you planned ahead of time before you leave on the trip.

When on a road trip so many things can go wrong. Roads like the rt 90 and all the rtX90 are great way to go most of the time. Two times on 90 going to or from buffalo and rocheater I have had delays of two or more hours. A few times on 390 and many times on 490, something went wrong ahead of you. And there you sit And wait. So I would think it would be hard to set up a time for a city or town just traveling through.

If you travel a lot, I would go and try and get P411 and Datecheck. If going to just NYC and all your references are in Upstate NY. I would think using then would not be easy. I do not travel alot, nor have P411 & datecheck. If I was on the road more, would that not be the way to go, and get one or both.

EDIT: Looking at post 9 of hotlips " but I will say there is more to it than just asking for the gent.". Getting P411 sounding even better to me now.

another edit: As I only date once sometime two times a week. And keep to a few, most UTR. I am not a good fit to any board. So few references. That even some local providers will not see me. A few I would want to see just will not over the reference thing. So I just forget it and not worry about it. I do not want to be a please please see me see me pest to any provider. And I do feel right about about giving out references. But seeing only a few over and over again works for me better. AS I have never felt the need to see every provider out there anyway. So on the old board I was a round peg in a sqaure hole, and this board a sqaure peg in round hole. {remember it takes a smaller sqaure peg to fit a round hole.}{and so veiw of things not the same as most. Not a good nor a bad thing, just not the same}

[coffeedrinker]

Very interesting replies by all of you.......I shall look into options to verify myself, in the chance I decide to see other providers then the one I so glowingly reviewed recently.

[74Jag]

Every provider I've contacted would rather hear about me from another provider than from my HR department. HR can't tell them about hygene or bedroom manners or even that I wipe my feet before I come in the door

[offshoredrilling]

Well ever provider has her way of screening. From none to meet first in a public place to other providers and to where you work and beyond. You can read all of her information or ask 1 time. 2 times not cool,(some once is a pest, read her information) more than that you are a pest. If you do not make it past the screening that is it till you can give her what she wants. If you are not willing to give it to her, again you are done. But for the ones that want where you work, all look to take p411. If you want to see a provider that is looking for more than what other providers. I say get p411 and or datecheck it is done once. Now just give her that.

I see nothing wrong about with a providers asking for information. I see nothing wrong about a guy not wanting to give that out. Just as long as, ok not giving that out so will say thank you for your time and forget it. But some guys will beg. And that only makes for more rules and harder to see providers.

[hotlips_houlihan]

Originally Posted by 74Jag

Every provider I've contacted would rather hear about me from another provider than from my HR department. HR can't tell them about hygene or bedroom manners or even that I wipe my feet before I come in the door

Well true, but we are talking about how it works when one who does not have references.

[remix]

This conversation comes up on a regular basis. The options seem to be to find a known provider that is newbie friendly that does screening that you are comfortable with, or go through the more thorough screening process with the provider you really want to see this one time. Either way you will have a solid reference for the future.

[summerwaves]

It's just another way of protecting oneself. If you were positive she was a well known and honest escort, you should have given her the information. If she wasn't well known, then you were setting yourself up for possible trouble.