I got this bar........

[dearhunter]

I am going to tell you Upstaters a little bar story........

I got this bar. It is a hole-in-the-wall dive. I am kind of particular who I let in.

I am not saying I care much for any of the retards that hang out at my bar. It is just that most idiots wouldn't last very long hanging out at my bar. The retards at my bar are assholes and the dregs of the bar hangout world.

Well, I got this problem at my bar that most bars have. The fucktards and hooktards at my bar like to write shit on the restroom walls. Most of the time it is stupid shit like "for a great blowjob call WU at 867-5309" or "deerthumper is a manpussy"......you know, shit you typically find on the restroom walls of a dive bar.

I thought about painting the walls every time someone wrote on them. But, it is a dive bar. It is supposed to have shit written on the walls. So, I just wrote down a few numbers (in case they really do suck dick the best) and let it go.

I do remember this one time a hooktard told me that someone had written the wrong number for her. I went and scratched off the old number and put the correct number down for her........that is the kind of bartender that I am.....I live and let live.

People want to come into my bar and make fools of themselves - I let them.

People want to come into my bar and talk smack about the retard sitting at the end of the bar - that is between them.

People want to come into my bar and blow off steam about some shit going down over at the Hooters Bar - fine by me.

All I ask is that they keep what happens in my bar - in my bar.

For the most part the retards who hang out in my bar adhere to this one request......every once in a while one of them will slip and need a reminder that hanging out in my bar is predicated on keeping their fucking mouth shut.

There are advantages to hanging out in my bar. I don't follow them into the restroom to watch them pee. I don't make fun of them when they puke in the ice bucket.....I just get them a clean bucket and another beer. I don't kick them out for acting drunck in a bar......it is a fucking bar.

I got a lot of patrons who come to my bar just to watch the bar fights. That is ok. I notice that they sneak off to the restroom with notpad in hand on occasion....that is ok too....I do not judge.

All in all it is not a bad little bar to hang out in......if you have a thick skin.

My patrons don't just come to my bar. They also go to the big Hooter's bars that are all over the place......you know the places.....you walk in and thinck "this looks just like the hooter's down the street". I don't blame them. I hang there as well when I want a little peace and quiet.

Just the other day I was hanging out at the Hooter's down the street and I heard some tard talking smack about my bar. Naturally, it got my attention. So, I moved over to listen to the conversation. I didn't have to move too close (the retard was screaming from the top of their lungs).

This retard was screaming about something that was written on the restroom wall in my bar. My first thought was "what the fuck are they talking about?". My second thought was "how do they even know that there is shit written on my restroom wall?" My third thought was "who the fuck is discussing my bar with shitheads who are not in my bar?"

The manager of this particular Hooter's told the retard that his restroom walls get painted regularly, and there is no way that anything is written on the Hooter's restroom wall. The retard went off on the manager....screaming shit about this and that.....and how wrong the manager is for the restroom writings of a bar (my bar) that the manager doesn't even get to visit. I kind of felt bad for the manager. I thought he was quite accommodating considering the circumstances.

The retard ( Retard A - for reference going forward) continued to rant at the manager, and he stood there and took it. I had multiple issues going through my head while watching this. My first thought was to stay out of it. I had no interest in getting into an altercation in a Hooter's where I don't normally hang out.......it is an issue of common courtisy to the Hooter's manager.

But, then I noticed local retards who hang out at my bar taking exception to some of comments made about patrons who hang out at my bar. Retard A started making accusations against specific patrons of my bar. Now, I found myself in a dilemma. Patrons of my bar were on the cusp of sharing shit that goes down in my bar. When, I specifically told them upon entry that they could not discuss what happens in my bar, when they go to other bars.

It was obvious to me that anyone watching the ruckus would determine that they (my patrons) were hiding something. So, what Retard A was saying must be true. The observers would not understand that the patrons of my bar know I am standing over in the corner watching them......and are thus prevented from saying much in their own defense.

My first thought (two seconds) was to go paint my restroom walls. Then, I farted.....and that stupid thought went away. My next thought was......who is the retard allegedly sharing information about my bar......today it is Retard A.......tomorrow it will be Retard B, C, D and E.

So, I started the process to find out who the ratfinck was. After much gnashing of teeth, I found out the alleged dipshit was kicked out of my bar a long time ago.

I couldn't throw the retard out of my bar. So, I did the next best thing.....I went to read my restroom walls in an effort to find the writings that Retard A was so graphically describing.................... .............................. ...........wait for it............................ .it is coming........................ ............are you ready................you know it is coming................wait for it...............the writings Retard A was so graphically describing didn't exist on my restroom wall.

The best part of this story.......one of the managers of the Hooter's told Retard A to come to me for any issues with my bar.............and to this day Retard A still has not come to me.

Is that a funny bar story.......or........is that a funny bar story.

[offshoredrilling]

I need to start going to your bar.

[CarolinaGent]

[rooster]

Can I have a franchise?

[offshoredrilling]

Originally Posted by rooster69

Can I have a franchise?

Buy the AC.

In a move to take it back mmm 15 or more years, close it for a few months.

re open as DearHunter's or Roosters Roost's

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by rooster69

Can I have a franchise?

Gluten for punishment?

By no small coincidence, many of the managers of Hooters bars hang out at my bar. I suspect it allows them to see the storms that could be brewing just over the horizon for their Hooters bar.

[guest032013]

How is the wine selection?

[dearhunter]

My bar has more whine than you could ever imagine.

[Lexxxy]

That is pretty cool, I manage a metal bar with bands and what not. Our bathrooms each have a wall that is painted with black board paint with liquid chalk markers chained to the walls. I got the idea because we had people scratching things into our oak wood stalls and taking permanent markers to them which was ruining these really pretty hand made elaborately detailed stalls. Attention was 100% taken away from the stalls. The walls have turned into a gossip announcement board/ubran dictionary which is too funny.
Due to this wall I just learned what blue waffle is *Gag* O_o If you are weak don't do a google image search of it O_o. I learned that trojans with spermicide can react badly to a girls ph level and make their vajayjay smell rotten. I learned that if you say there is hair in your food at a local pizza shop they will give you a free gift card. I learned that "the redheaded bartender is impossible to sleep with and possibly a lesbian" har har har... if they only knew. I learned what barsexual means, it is a chick that is only into other chicks while she is drinking at a bar. I learned that a really old registered sex offender comes in when we have 18 and up shows. I learned that snowballing is becoming popular. I also learned how to take a pic from an angle that makes a penis look really big.
*Lifts her glass of wine* This is a toast to what you can learn off of bathroom walls and stalls in bars.

[elghund]

Originally Posted by dearhunter

Is that a funny bar story.......or........is that a funny bar story.

Dearhunter.....you are the meanest nastiest FUNNIEST sumbitch I've ever run across!!!

Nice.......keep up the good work!! I always look forward to you stepping up and ON transgressors!!!!


elg.....

[JONBALLS]

Originally Posted by dearhunter

I am going to tell you Upstaters a little bar story........


I am not saying I care much for any of the retards that hang out at my bar. The retards at my bar are assholes




People want to come into my bar and make fools of themselves - I let them.




There are advantages to hanging out in my bar. I don't follow them into the restroom to watch them pee. I don't make fun of them when they puke in the ice bucket.....I just get them a clean bucket and another beer. I don't kick them out for acting drunck in a bar......it is a fucking bar.

.

[JONBALLS]

I invite Rooster,,,,you could stretch your legs in thre,

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by elghund

Dearhunter.....you are the meanest nastiest FUNNIEST sumbitch I've ever run across!!!

Nice.......keep up the good work!! I always look forward to you stepping up and ON transgressors!!!!


elg.....

Whatever do you mean?

I am the nicest bartard you would ever meet........except when I am not.......ijs.

Drincks are on me.

[elghund]

Originally Posted by dearhunter

Drincks are on me.

Yer on......seeya at the bar.


elg.....

[rooster]

Originally Posted by JONBALLS

I invite Rooster,,,,you could stretch your legs in thre,

Any time, my friend. Any time.

I'm buying for everyone on this thread. Especially the red-headed dyke bartender (THAT was a cool post).