Onions And Christmas Trees

[badhusband]

I know it's off season and I apologize if it's been posted before here. But I just read this one this morning and laughed my ass off. I just had to share......



A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many
kinds of boobs are there?

The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.

'Onions?'

'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,'Mom how many um, how many
kinds of 'willies' are there?.

The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through
three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his
50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'

'A Christmas tree?'

'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.

[Sweet N Little]

lmao BH
I don't recall you crying when you saw mine

[badhusband]

awww, of course not for yours!! They sure kept me busy though!!

[SARR]

A little old lady came into the ER after an unsuccessful suicide attempt. The ER Doc heard her story of woe and took pity on her and decided he would give her some "advice".

He walked into the treatment room and said that the next time she felt like she needed to end it all, she should put the muzzle of a gun 2" below her left nipple and pull the trigger.

She came back the next week with a gunshot to the left knee.