The GFE MYTH

[Sonja]

The GFE Myth, Why it doesn't Work,
for the women or the clients.

I recently had a second client in a year, write me that sad but unbelievable email, the story, of guilt. He 'cared for me' so he was leaving me. He hated to' lose me' , would like to keep me as a (never) friend, but his attachment was too great and he could not see me anymore because 'we' had become too close.
Never mind that he had been a womanizer his entire life, or that he had years long 'affairs' in his past that luckily did not affect his marriage. The recession had made him closer to his wife, who has not fucked him in years, but the guilt about me was just too much to bare, or get bare with me anymore. This is a client that in less than 3 months I will be referencing to another.
#2 client... I really LOVE YOU. I know a woman like you is perfect for ME. I understand what you do, I'm ok with it. I call you every day, because I care. You were so good to me, I have a crush on you and cannot forget about you...Please have 'real relationship' with me. It will be good I promise. This client has never asked, if I am actually IN a relationship, because that was never part of the self involved question.
#3 The Savior......You cannot do this forever, I will take you out of this business. Just get a 'real job' and we will live in peace and harmony forever. Usually Once again, my life outside the biz is not a question, never asked. This client usually has no money, but a romantic vision of me as working at a 'real job all day' and being the sexy provider he met all night.

The GFE does Not work. It is LIE, to clients and for women in the business a huge detriment. Clients have come to unreal expectations, and reviews have reflected it.
They over-stay their time, become too demanding , too intimate, then become attached, guilty and emotional. This is NOT what this is about.
Let's tell the truth here. While it may 'appear' so at any time, we are NOT in love with you. We are Actors on a particular stage. Women can gauge body language and work it on 50 different levels, while men on about 4. We are great at manipulation, making you 'feel' all the right things and pushing all those buttons, that release all those endorphins, which is WHY we are here for you. But make NO Mistakes. We rarely Fall in Love with you. We cannot, given the unwritten contract that is the business.
Women who do 'sometimes' fall in love with clients- quickly see the Error of it, since we cannot be that 'on stage' persona all the time.
It's very important that everyone understand THIS IS FANTASY. We are not your friends, and mostly, you are not ours, especially when asked to prove yourselves.
Men who start thinking we are your friends, or you are TRULY ours are deluding themselves and us, for all our detriment. Just STOP IT.
There are of course exceptions to the rule, but better to sway on the side of caution for both parties.
I believe the GFE has caused extreme HURT to the business across the board.
Its all fun, don't start believing in your heads it's MORE, because for us, it's NOT. We all need to keep it in context.

[Guest041413-2]

That's why I like the 3 (EBILF's). I was with one of them the other night and as I was leaving, door closing behind me, she says very clearly, "bye bitch". Door shuts, nothing I could say or do. That is sooo attractive to me due to her personality. It is clear...and, I as an HDH Hobbyist, appreciate your sentiments in being up front and honest. Sometimes that does NOT work either as some refuse to "open their ears". Happened with me on several occassions as well, BFE in my name comes with a cost at times.

[Still Looking]

The hobby becomes so much easier once a hobbyist gets this into his thick head! Then they can focus on just having fun! As a non GFE hobbyist, it amazes me how many providers I meet that want to try and change that! LOL

[Guest041413-2]

SL, just look at you. Can you blame them?

(forgot, gotta start putting LOL & stuff, or I sound serious!)

[Still Looking]

You may have a point! LOL

[JDNorthface]

Originally Posted by Sonja

...
The GFE does Not work. It is LIE, to clients and for women in the business a huge detriment. ...

There is a certain tone of desperation in your post that I can appreciate. I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. I don't think anything you've said is an exaggeration; however, let me add to your remark about GFE being "a lie."

You later mention that it is fantasy. I think this a better choice of words than "lie." It is only a lie if we have unanswerable expectations. Again you mention this in your post so I think we are tracking the same. When a gentleman develops expectations that cannot be met through the relationship, it becomes a lie to continue.

But not all GFE arrangements develop along this path. The fantasy can play out over many, many years without turning into an attachment. Ladies and gentlemen alike can learn how to make this happen. I gave up an ATF in my rookie years because I couldn't have the "attachment," you mentioned so I understand. But I've since learned how not to let that happen and in the process have developed many friends. And yes, they are true friends. Genuine friends. They don't (ever) ask me for money or time I can't give and I don't (ever) ask them for time or treats they can't give. But we are still friends. I can't believe otherwise.

I agree with much of your post and resonate with your feelings. But I also think there are ways to resolve those issues inside the context of a client/provider relationship that isn't quite so fatalistic or absolute.

Good post.

All the best.

[Guest041413-2]

That is well stated and balanced. You both articulate extremely well. (Hmmm, wonder if they are both students of Z???)

Very nice JDNF (a lot of folks could use this advice, crazy b _ _ _ _ _ _. )

LOL

Originally Posted by JDNorthface

There is a certain tone of desperation in your post that I can appreciate. I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. I don't think anything you've said is an exaggeration; however, let me add to your remark about GFE being "a lie."

You later mention that it is fantasy. I think this a better choice of words than "lie." It is only a lie if we have unanswerable expectations. Again you mention this in your post so I think we are tracking the same. When a gentleman develops expectations that cannot be met through the relationship, it becomes a lie to continue.

But not all GFE arrangements develop along this path. The fantasy can play out over many, many years without turning into an attachment. Ladies and gentlemen alike can learn how to make this happen. I gave up an ATF in my rookie years because I couldn't have the "attachment," you mentioned so I understand. But I've since learned how not to let that happen and in the process have developed many friends. And yes, they are true friends. Genuine friends. They don't (ever) ask me for money or time I can't give and I don't (ever) ask them for time or treats they can't give. But we are still friends. I can't believe otherwise.

I agree with much of your post and resonate with your feelings. But I also think there are ways to resolve those issues inside the context of a client/provider relationship that isn't quite so fatalistic or absolute.

Good post.

All the best.

[Naomi4u]

delete. no comment.

*sigh*delusions....

[Still Looking]

Originally Posted by JDNorthface

There is a certain tone of desperation in your post that I can appreciate. I'm sorry that you're struggling with this. I don't think anything you've said is an exaggeration; however, let me add to your remark about GFE being "a lie."

You later mention that it is fantasy. I think this a better choice of words than "lie." It is only a lie if we have unanswerable expectations. Again you mention this in your post so I think we are tracking the same. When a gentleman develops expectations that cannot be met through the relationship, it becomes a lie to continue.

But not all GFE arrangements develop along this path. The fantasy can play out over many, many years without turning into an attachment. Ladies and gentlemen alike can learn how to make this happen. I gave up an ATF in my rookie years because I couldn't have the "attachment," you mentioned so I understand. But I've since learned how not to let that happen and in the process have developed many friends. And yes, they are true friends. Genuine friends. They don't (ever) ask me for money or time I can't give and I don't (ever) ask them for time or treats they can't give. But we are still friends. I can't believe otherwise.

I agree with much of your post and resonate with your feelings. But I also think there are ways to resolve those issues inside the context of a client/provider relationship that isn't quite so fatalistic or absolute.

Good post.

All the best.

The X factor is LOVE! When we fall in love we sometimes do stupid things we would ordinarily not do. Very challenging for some to control.

[Old-T]

We always keep underestimating the diversity of the human make-up.

Most people in this business can completely understand the difference between what a lady does while with us, vs what is "reality. Just as we can differentiate Anthony Hopkins from Hanibal Lecter

And there is nothing wrong when a lady and a client find they have things in common and wind up having some chemistry/friendship development.

When BOTH find they are wandering into more than that, with eyes wide open, so be it. But when the few guys (or ladies) mistake friendship and acting as love, that is a problem.

It bothers me when some people in this business do not distinguish between politeness, enjoyment, and friendship vs romantic attraction. Most people here CAN distinguish friendship from love, just as most who drink a beer are not alcoholics, and most who own a gun are not psycopathic killers.

It's always sad when we encounter one of the extremes.

Sonja, you're a lovely woman and I'm sorry this happened to you.

[Guest032414-2]

Guys schedule sessions with ladies they are attracted to, so for those who lack the mental maturity to differentiate a session from a date, feelings may develop.

That doesn't mean that GFE is a lie, just that a percentage of people cannot step out of the fantasy once the session is over.

[Still Looking]

Originally Posted by Old-T

We always keep underestimating the diversity of the human make-up.

Most people in this business can completely understand the difference between what a lady does while with us, vs what is "reality. Just as we can differentiate Anthony Hopkins from Hanibal Lecter

And there is nothing wrong when a lady and a client find they have things in common and wind up having some chemistry/friendship development.

When BOTH find they are wandering into more than that, with eyes wide open, so be it. But when the few guys (or ladies) mistake friendship and acting as love, that is a problem.

It bothers me when some people in this business do not distinguish between politeness, enjoyment, and friendship vs romantic attraction. Most people here CAN distinguish friendship from love, just as most who drink a beer are not alcoholics, and most who own a gun are not psycopathic killers.

It's always sad when we encounter one of the extremes.

Sonja, you're a lovely woman and I'm sorry this happened to you.

Originally Posted by Diomidis

Guys schedule sessions with ladies they are attracted to, so for those who lack the mental maturity to differentiate a session from a date, feelings may develop.

That doesn't mean that GFE is a lie, just that a percentage of people cannot step out of the fantasy once the session is over.

Excellent points!

[burkalini]

It doesn't work period. I completely agree GFE is a myth. No real feelings from both sides together. Pse however does work. Both understand it's all about the sex.Gfe should remain with the real world. Hey it's fucking with pay, how real can it be?

[pyramider]

Right on, Burk.

[Guest020720]

Originally Posted by burkalini

It doesn't work period. I completely agree GFE is a myth. No real feelings from both sides together. Pse however does work. Both understand it's all about the sex.Gfe should remain with the real world. Hey it's fucking with pay, how real can it be?

This is why I tend to lean more towards PSE with a touch of GFE...(cuz I like the kissin and such too).

But ask me to be all romantic and touchy feel-y in a session and I'll probably start laughing and get a horrible review.

Oh - I can do "vanilla" - I actually don't mind that at all...

But romantic is just not "me". I'm not sure if that translates well in hobby land but there - I said it and it's out there.