Backpage Horror Stories. Let's Hear 'Em...

[Allie_Kat]

I myself advertise infrequently on BP, but I think advertising on that site tends to work well for some & not so much for others.
Gentelmen and Ladies, let's hear some of your Backpage Horror Stories.
I thought this might be fun/enlightening to the rest of us.

[Grizzy11]

I've been "stung" twice by using BP. I'm sure that I will be using 411 from now on. I might even be sending u a message soon Allie. OKAY?

[VinnAY]

I got the "nurse becky" treatment on an outcall, managed to keep my donation but it was a close call...totally uncomfortable, and she wanted to take the donate down to her friend/driver waiting outside, I said no way, she said well this is a body rub only, stressed ONLY, I said we thru her, she went ape shit and I thought I was going to have to have to go for the nightstand protection and have 911 listen to me shoot a prostitute.

[Allie_Kat]

Originally Posted by VinnAY

I got the "nurse becky" treatment on an outcall, managed to keep my donation but it was a close call...totally uncomfortable, and she wanted to take the donate down to her friend/driver waiting outside, I said no way, she said well this is a body rub only, stressed ONLY, I said we thru her, she went ape shit and I thought I was going to have to have to go for the nightstand protection and have 911 listen to me shoot a prostitute.

Yikes! That's scary.

[OriginalMe]

Oh shit, I guess I'll tell this one. I've got many more, but this is by far the worst I've ever had from BP. I've never told anyone this story. It was the absolute worst day of my entire life. Shut up, it ain't funny.

I guess it was some time in the summer of '07, I was trolling Backpage and came across a new lady, maybe mid 30's, homely but cute, staggeringly massive boobs. I contacted her and we actually IM'd and texted back and forth for a few days, and eventually set up an hour meeting at her place. Her last IM to me read, "BTW, I'm kinky if that's ok?" I responded that it was fine, because I was too.

I pull up to her place, beautiful duplex in a really nice area. Kinda like those "To Catch A Predator" areas. A little too nice. I pull in her driveway, and god damned if there isn't one of those big white Ford Econoline vans parked right in the shared driveway. Tinted windows. Dude just sitting in it. Total cop-mobile, right? I look up, and make eye contact with the dude, and I freak, pull out and bail. I do a couple circles around the block, and when I come back, the dude is gone.

Call me a dumbass if you like, but I just drove 75 miles to get here. So, I'm either getting some, or I'm getting popped by the Po-Po. I let my testicles descend from my throat, pull back in her driveway, ring the bell, and lo-and-behold, she answers. Cute, thick, milf, massive tankers, peaking her head through the door. She rushes me inside and quickly shuts the door, since she was almost butthouse nekkid.

We greet, she tosses me a beer, and we sit there on her couch and BS for like, 45 minutes. She was cool as hell, but I was still waiting for the cops to kick down the door at any moment, like they were just waiting for me to slip up and say something. That was until "it" happened.

Out of god damned nowhere, this pleasantly plump 35 year old housewife leaps through the air, straddles me, pinning me down on the couch, and starts licking my god damned face rapidly and repeatedly like a spastic Saint Bernard who ain't seen its owner in 6 months. Just lapping me up like a water bowl. I don't know WTF to do, because I don't know WTF is going on, my face is soaked, I'm disgusted yet furiously turned on at the same time, and I don't know why. Then, she starts shoving her tongue in my mouth, and I'm getting ready for what I supposed was going to be DFK, but instead, she starts licking my god damned gums. Furiously, licking my gums. All over, top and bottom, above, below, and behind the teeth. Full scale dental deep cleaning. Again, disgusted, yet somehow turned on by this.

Mercifully, after I'm struggling to catch my breath, she gets up, and starts SHOVING me into her bedroom. Pushes me down on the bed, pulls out handcuffs from her drawer, cuffs me to her bed, ties my legs down with neckties, slips on a monkey blanket, basically fucking rapes me, and then it got weird.

She got herself off, got me off, pulls off the rubber, empties it into her mouth, and as I'm looking up at her, she THBBBBBTS snowballs it out all over me, stands over top straddling me, and says, and I'll never forget these words, "Its ok, I'll wash it off", and then god damned pisses all over me. Like a fucking race horse, just flushing herself out. I'm like freaking the hell out, but can't say anything because its in my best interest to keep my lips closed until Secretariat finishes her morning expulsion.

She finishes, smiling her ass off, I'm covered with a mix of my spooge and her piss, laying in a soaked bed, terrified. Her response, "Yeah, I'm definitely a little kinky." Like the classy damsel she CLEARLY was, she offered to let me shower.

I head off to her bathroom, dripping, cold, confused. I couldn't shower, I just wanted to leave, fast. I dry myself off (as I shudder while typing this), get dressed, and left quickly, not saying more than a few words. I mentioned at the beginning it was summer, right? Hot as hell outside, so that's not helping the piss that's in my hair. I roll up on a Quik Trip, buy 4 bottles of water and a travel pack of Alka Seltzer. I use 3 bottles to hose myself down in the middle of the parking lot, and the other to gargle with Alka Seltzer.

Something in the combination of being unexpectedly snowballed, pissed on by a fat housewife, 90 degree heat, cold water being dumped on my head, and a mouthful of effervescent antacid, caused me to ralph everywhere, capping off the worst 2 hours of my life.

Now please leave me alone while I go cry in a corner.

[Allie_Kat]

OMFG. I'm so sorry that happened to you!
Thank you for sharing though. You know how to really capture the moment, I like you're writing style.

[rubtime00]

Did you go home and sell the dog due to flashbacks caused by the dog licking your face?

[Kshunter]

Oh, like anyone could top that.

I don't have any real horror stories, just encountered a few flakes. Luckily, most of my flake encounters have just resulted in some pointless e-mailing back and forth, with no meeting ever taking place.

[SinsOfTheFlesh]

@ OriginalMe

OH

MY

GAWD

There just aren't words.

[NoHalo4Me]

Originally Posted by OriginalMe

Pushes me down on the bed, pulls out handcuffs from her drawer, cuffs me to her bed, ties my legs down with neckties, slips on a monkey blanket, basically fucking rapes me, .................and then it got weird.

Perhaps the best line ever stated on ECCIE!

Forget the T Shirt. What is the hobbiest equivalent of the Congressional Medal of Honor?

For courage and valor while under smegma assault and piss fire duress ....... your Country presents you with ...............

[katkisses2000]

ok well tonight I had one not to bad of a horror story,nothing like stated above.i had a guy call me off my bp ad and we hade talked last week,we seem to keep missing times to meet up so he called me again tonight asked me if i had free time,and well i did,so i gave him time place and what was needed,for the hour.he was kind of on egde but that was ok newbie jitters.I asked him if he wanted a drink and to make himself relax.
He all of a sudden got deer in the head ligh look.got all flustered and said Very loudly I cant do this omg omg i am so guilty and run out and wouldnt look at me like he was a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.wasted my time but kind of got a funny story out of it

[countryboy74]

OriginalMe,

Your story is like a car wreck. I had to read the story the second time.

This thread might as well come to an end. Who else will have a story that can top yours.

I don't know what I would have done if I was in your situation. A toned down version of your experience might have been quite erotic. It sounds like your experience went well beyond that.

Thanks for telling your story.

[Leanna]

OMG, Original...

I just have to ask... What did all that cost you?! lol

I'm thinking that she should of paid YOU!

[maxswell69]

You, my friend, are a consummate story-teller. He'll, that should be part of a screenplay! Please share the rest of your stories with us. Even if this one is the worst, I know the others will be great reading!

Originally Posted by OriginalMe

Oh shit, I guess I'll tell this one. I've got many more, but this is by far the worst I've ever had from BP. I've never told anyone this story. It was the absolute worst day of my entire life. Shut up, it ain't funny.

I guess it was some time in the summer of '07, I was trolling Backpage and came across a new lady, maybe mid 30's, homely but cute, staggeringly massive boobs. I contacted her and we actually IM'd and texted back and forth for a few days, and eventually set up an hour meeting at her place. Her last IM to me read, "BTW, I'm kinky if that's ok?" I responded that it was fine, because I was too.

I pull up to her place, beautiful duplex in a really nice area. Kinda like those "To Catch A Predator" areas. A little too nice. I pull in her driveway, and god damned if there isn't one of those big white Ford Econoline vans parked right in the shared driveway. Tinted windows. Dude just sitting in it. Total cop-mobile, right? I look up, and make eye contact with the dude, and I freak, pull out and bail. I do a couple circles around the block, and when I come back, the dude is gone.

Call me a dumbass if you like, but I just drove 75 miles to get here. So, I'm either getting some, or I'm getting popped by the Po-Po. I let my testicles descend from my throat, pull back in her driveway, ring the bell, and lo-and-behold, she answers. Cute, thick, milf, massive tankers, peaking her head through the door. She rushes me inside and quickly shuts the door, since she was almost butthouse nekkid.

We greet, she tosses me a beer, and we sit there on her couch and BS for like, 45 minutes. She was cool as hell, but I was still waiting for the cops to kick down the door at any moment, like they were just waiting for me to slip up and say something. That was until "it" happened.

Out of god damned nowhere, this pleasantly plump 35 year old housewife leaps through the air, straddles me, pinning me down on the couch, and starts licking my god damned face rapidly and repeatedly like a spastic Saint Bernard who ain't seen its owner in 6 months. Just lapping me up like a water bowl. I don't know WTF to do, because I don't know WTF is going on, my face is soaked, I'm disgusted yet furiously turned on at the same time, and I don't know why. Then, she starts shoving her tongue in my mouth, and I'm getting ready for what I supposed was going to be DFK, but instead, she starts licking my god damned gums. Furiously, licking my gums. All over, top and bottom, above, below, and behind the teeth. Full scale dental deep cleaning. Again, disgusted, yet somehow turned on by this.

Mercifully, after I'm struggling to catch my breath, she gets up, and starts SHOVING me into her bedroom. Pushes me down on the bed, pulls out handcuffs from her drawer, cuffs me to her bed, ties my legs down with neckties, slips on a monkey blanket, basically fucking rapes me, and then it got weird.

She got herself off, got me off, pulls off the rubber, empties it into her mouth, and as I'm looking up at her, she THBBBBBTS snowballs it out all over me, stands over top straddling me, and says, and I'll never forget these words, "Its ok, I'll wash it off", and then god damned pisses all over me. Like a fucking race horse, just flushing herself out. I'm like freaking the hell out, but can't say anything because its in my best interest to keep my lips closed until Secretariat finishes her morning expulsion.

She finishes, smiling her ass off, I'm covered with a mix of my spooge and her piss, laying in a soaked bed, terrified. Her response, "Yeah, I'm definitely a little kinky." Like the classy damsel she CLEARLY was, she offered to let me shower.

I head off to her bathroom, dripping, cold, confused. I couldn't shower, I just wanted to leave, fast. I dry myself off (as I shudder while typing this), get dressed, and left quickly, not saying more than a few words. I mentioned at the beginning it was summer, right? Hot as hell outside, so that's not helping the piss that's in my hair. I roll up on a Quik Trip, buy 4 bottles of water and a travel pack of Alka Seltzer. I use 3 bottles to hose myself down in the middle of the parking lot, and the other to gargle with Alka Seltzer.

Something in the combination of being unexpectedly snowballed, pissed on by a fat housewife, 90 degree heat, cold water being dumped on my head, and a mouthful of effervescent antacid, caused me to ralph everywhere, capping off the worst 2 hours of my life.

Now please leave me alone while I go cry in a corner.

[Wizard of Ahhhhs]

Originally Posted by OriginalMe

...its in my best interest to keep my lips closed until Secretariat finishes her morning expulsion...

Best line of the whole piece, Original! Definitely did a spit-take on that one.

Close this thread already! WE HAVE A WINNER!