First let me preface this by saying I simply love and adore the humor of John Cleese!
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
The Brits are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and the announcement of the death of O B L, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again, to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning-level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bast@rds.They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror-alert level from "Run" to "Hide..” The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate," and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white-flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased its alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations," and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching- Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour," and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully-designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Incidentally, Australia has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation- levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted the use of the final-escalation level.
-- John Cleese - British writer (of Monty Python fame), actor and Tall Person
Alerts to Threats in Europe
