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Originally Posted by Lana Warren
Barbecue Season Is Coming!
After the long months of cold and winter, we will soon be coming up to summer and BBQ season.
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Coming? I've haven't stopped since last year. Real men love Bar-B-Que, and a bit of freezing weather is just a bit of extra challenge.
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Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking, as it’s the only type of cooking a real man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.
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Me Man, Me Tame Fire!
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When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine..
- 1) The woman buys the food.
2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the side dishes, and makes dessert.
3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
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The above are almost never true. She may buy the meat on occasion, but usually I'm deciding what to make.
I use my own dry or wet rubs depending on the meat and style I'm going for, and will start a Brisket about 14 to 16 hrs in advance. This often means starting the smoker and meat at between 2-4am!
Sides, I might let her make potato salad, perhaps a vegatable tray. I'll make beans, with pork and grilled onions, cooked long and slow, in the smoker, so they taste nice and smoky! I'll often do cole slaw. Here I like to roast some peanuts, and throw them in a creamy cole slaw, spiked with a bit of cayenne.
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Here comes the important part:
- 4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
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But the meat went on many hours before. Me thinks you are discussing Grilling, not Barbeque!
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More routine….
- 5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.
Important again:
7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
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Usually I will let her set up... I've got to let her feel involved somehow!
Burning? Clearly we are not talking about a real southern Barbeque. Indirect heat, low and slow, the only way things are gonna burn, is if you let them sit in the smoker for 3 days!
When it comes to serving the meat, I'm going to be up to my elbows in meat. Trimming fat from brisket, portioning ribs, pulling pork, cutting up chickens.
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More routine…..
 The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
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She will often do the dishes, which means paper plates are thrown in the waste can, and utensils go in the dishwasher. I'm the one that has plenty to clean up. Smokers and Grills don't clean themselves!
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And most important of all:
10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed “her night off.” And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women….
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Of course I get the praise. Because I did almost all the work. That is real southern Barbeque.
Barbecue Season is Coming
