Rough Sex advice

[Greek73]

If a woman says she wants it rough, what does that really mean? By the way, i know the basic advice, have a safe word, make sure it is all consensual, and be safe. But, anyone have some examples, other than hair pulling, ass slapping, and calling her dirty names?

Any providers have any thoughts about this? Im thinking more about providers who like this in their personal life rather than professional.

Thanks.

[ez2plz]

Like GFE, it is a term that can have different meanings for each individual. The best way to make sure there aren't any misunderstandings is to talk it over first with any potential partner and arrive at a mutual understanding.

[guest010313]

This is someone I only indulge in my personal life. And to be honest, the description that you gave really illustrates why. "Hair pulling, ass slapping, calling dirty names" is a porno idea of rough sex. While some women may enjoy that for the most part if that is what you are doing (and only what you are doing) it really comes off as borderline suuuuper fucking disrepectful.

Good rough sex combines pain, "man-handling", and lots of sensuality. Pin down the wrists, bite me til I'm whimpering, but ALSO that other hand can be doing soft, gentle things at the same time. Good rough sex shows an understanding of why it should be pleasurable and not just doing it to be rough. When you get into all pain, all the time, you are getting into BDSM territory and rough sex certainly doesn't have to be all the way there.

Bottom line is this, if I'm in bed with someone and all I'm getting is "Hair pulling, ass slapping, calling dirty names" I'm getting right back out. But, also leave my body scored with fingernail marks, neck ringed with light (very light!) bruises, and a big fucking wet spot on the sheets because you get how pain can add flavor to pleasure? You get to come back.

If you want to indulge in rough sex with a woman, have her show you (on YOUR body) what is pleasurable and PAY ATTENTION! Some people do this instinctively, and in my experience they are the only ones who are allowed to hurt me because they know when sensual violence crosses the line into abuse. (Which some women may enjoy)


Note -- Don't agree with the above assessment? Then state your piece, but telling me I'm wrong because this is how I define it is pointless.

[Greek73]

Originally Posted by SillyGirl

This is someone I only indulge in my personal life. And to be honest, the description that you gave really illustrates why. "Hair pulling, ass slapping, calling dirty names" is a porno idea of rough sex. While some women may enjoy that for the most part if that is what you are doing (and only what you are doing) it really comes off as borderline suuuuper fucking disrepectful.

Good rough sex combines pain, "man-handling", and lots of sensuality. Pin down the wrists, bite me til I'm whimpering, but ALSO that other hand can be doing soft, gentle things at the same time. Good rough sex shows an understanding of why it should be pleasurable and not just doing it to be rough. When you get into all pain, all the time, you are getting into BDSM territory and rough sex certainly doesn't have to be all the way there.

Bottom line is this, if I'm in bed with someone and all I'm getting is "Hair pulling, ass slapping, calling dirty names" I'm getting right back out. But, also leave my body scored with fingernail marks, neck ringed with light (very light!) bruises, and a big fucking wet spot on the sheets because you get how pain can add flavor to pleasure? You get to come back.

If you want to indulge in rough sex with a woman, have her show you (on YOUR body) what is pleasurable and PAY ATTENTION! Some people do this instinctively, and in my experience they are the only ones who are allowed to hurt me because they know when sensual violence crosses the line into abuse. (Which some women may enjoy)


Note -- Don't agree with the above assessment? Then state your piece, but telling me I'm wrong because this is how I define it is pointless.

I definitely will not tell you that you are wrong. I asked for feedback and wanted to know what women thought about this. Really. I have had some discussion with the woman in question and she brought up the hair pulling, ass slapping and dirty names. So, she does want this. I was just thinking of things to go a little farther. I like your description and think it sounds great! I also agree with you that my description does sound like porno rough sex. Thats why I was asking, because that's really the limit of my experience. Other than the spanking. I love to do that, and would have tried it even if I never saw it in a porno!

[RandomPersona]

Like most things, what someone enjoys varies widely from person to person. SillyGirl's post is quite good. I'd say one of the most important parts of exploring things like this is to be attentive and focused on her to see what she enjoys. When you're primarily concerned with your own pleasure you can miss the little indicators that tell you to be gentler, more forceful, you probably shouldn't do that again, et cetera.

Honest discussions about what she likes can be good provided she knows. It's possible she's giving the examples of porno rough sex because she's getting her ideas from porn or has only been with guys that have. Then again, maybe she just doesn't want to scare you off. I've been with girls that wanted me to be rough enough that it took me a long time to get comfortable with it.

If you're really looking to explore the more BDSM/Dom/sub stuff there's a decent community here in town that can help you explore it. You can pm me if you want more info on that.

Anyone can provide a list of "rough sex" possibilities but what really matters is finding out what aspects of it the girl you're with enjoys.

[grayturner]

Originally Posted by SillyGirl

This is someone I only indulge in my personal life. And to be honest, the description that you gave really illustrates why. "Hair pulling, ass slapping, calling dirty names" is a porno idea of rough sex. While some women may enjoy that for the most part if that is what you are doing (and only what you are doing) it really comes off as borderline suuuuper fucking disrepectful.

I agree with you that this type of behavior is disrespectful, But I have been asked on several occasions by providers to do these exact things. I found it to be a total turn-off and did not revisit any of them. I am not sure if they really enjoy this behavior or that they have self esteem issues.
I saw a provider here in Columbia a couple of months ago who's body was covered in bruises and she seemed proud of the fact that they were a result of rough sex. She even told me who did it, way to much information and again not my cup of tea.

[guest010313]

Yikes! I used to know a girl back in my dancing days who was a collared slave. Her master would come visit once a month and beat her black and blue. She wouldn't be able to work for a few days until the marks began to fade and she LOVED IT. She was really into the humiliation and control. So who knows, you may meet women who genuinely like that stuff, but I tend to agree with gray's thought that there are perhaps personal issues which teach them to encourage certain behaviors they may not actually like.

Watch a women's face in a mirror that hopefully she isn't aware is showing. If her eyes are dead or her face doesn't match the sounds she is making probably best to stop lol.

[Gryphon]

Another thing to bear in mind is that there is a definite difference between rough sex and BDSM, and neither necessarily has to involve pain. Tying your partner to the bed, blindfolding her, and teasing her with hands, mouth, a piece of rabbit fur, ice, or a rose causes no pain and leaves no marks, but most would say it's kinkier than rough sex. If she likes a little pain to enhance her pleasure, then after she's hot and bothered is the time to add teeth, clothespins, candle wax, or a flogger.

As others have stated, the most important thing is to discuss ahead of time what she finds pleasurable, what her limits are, and establishing a safe word. Also, never do anything to another person who is trusting you to take care of them that you haven't already tried on yourself.