Smart Ass Answers

[lemontrees]

Best Smart Ass Answers of 2009!!

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.


SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'



SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009!!

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering..... When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'




A BONUS EXTRA

A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn good

[Guest012211-3]

I've been called a "smart ass" many times...my reply? "It's better than being a DUMB ASS"

[jaxar]

A man is stopped on the side of the highway changing a flat tire. A good samaritan pulls over to help and as he is walking up to the car he says "Have a flat?" The man changing his tire stands up and says, "No dumb ass, I rotate my tires every 6,000 miles no matter where the fuck I'm at".

[Wayward]

Thanks that was funny lemontrees.

[selot]

Thanks for the laugh, those were good...

[Fast Gunn]

I like the answer the teenager gives to the policeman who stops him for speeding.

But, policeman never have such a good sense of humor do they?

[srvfin]

Hahahahahahahahaha! Thanks Lem, I needed that....

[RX792P]

The blonde drops by the dry cleaner to get a stain taken out of a blouse.

As the blonde is leaving, the lady at the dry cleaner counter says "Come again!"

The blonde turns and says "No, it's toothpaste you nosy bitch!"

[St.Mateo]

Originally Posted by Nicole Preston

I've been called a "smart ass" many times...my reply? "It's better than being a DUMB ASS"

Being a smart ass is the only way to go lol