What do you think of me?

[here4now]

This is not a personal question so much as me standing for all the hobbyists out there who, like me, are married but do this anyway. I have always wondered about this, but my curiousness was peaked by London Rayne who said in another thread that she feels bad about having sex with other wives' husbands. I wondered why she would continue if it makes her feel bad, but then I realized that I could answer that myself. I don't really like the idea that I cheat on my wife, but like London, I guess it serves a purpose that we are not able to fulfill any other way.
But I wonder what you ladies think about guys like me. I know it comes with the territory and married men or men with SOs make up a significant portion of your clientele. I especially wonder about all the young ladies on here. Do they think, if this is what happens to a marriage after so much time I don't think I would ever want to get married. Or, men are just pigs and the majority can not be trusted. I could certainly understand their thinking and wouldn't blame them in the least for feeling that way. It just seems that guys like me don't project the example of what a happy marriage is all about even though we may be happy with our wives in almost every way.
Anyway, it's just a curiosity that I have and was wondering what you ladies might have to say about it.

[LAVixian]

Many, many moons ago, marriages were based on political and social class standings; not love. Men, and women alike, obtained their sexual desires outside their marriage's because marriage used to not be about love at all. Many didn't even like their partners, it was basically a front.

Things have changed now; people are able to make to decisions as to whom they want to marry, and many people actually love their spouses. However, people change over time, they desire change in itself.

I will not condemn a married man for wanting something new. Hell, my ex-husband and I both wanted something new. It is in our very nature. The problem arises when one individual wants a change and the other doesn't. This is when the affairs, lie's, and communication problems begin.

I say live and let live

[Poker-Face]

It all basically starts out when a guy starts dating usually in high school, maybe in college, and sometimes later on as a professional. There has always been this thing where a guy usually has this nice beautiful well mannered girl he dates and brings home to the family, but on the side he has the sluts he satisfies his needs with, who he would never bring home to the family, because usually they are unrefined and uncuthe so to speak. I have known guys to date their little princess 3-4 years and never have sex with her because, "they are saving it for their honeymoon night", but after he drops her off he is out with the girl "who will" getting "the works" so to speak. After marriage the GOOD GIRL is not as experienced sexually, and not a aggressive slut like he was getting on the side, so it is not long after he is married that he starts to dabble on the side again usually with escorts to get that real nasty sex and killer blow job he likes.

In one post a provider mentioned how she dated a MD that had courtside NBA seats, and they got along really great, and she thought he could be the guy in this profession she might call it quits for, and out of the blue he drops her and marries another MD. The reason is in his professional world, and around his real friends and family he can not be seen with a whore, because in his mind he is better than that, and by others he is expected to be better than that so he has to marry someone on his level, that he can bring home and hold up as a accomplished trophy. A woman who can walk and live in the circles he travels and truely be respected as a moral individual and true professional.

That is the one thing that providers will never understand, is that you can clean yourself up with all the money you make, you can drive the cars, buy the clothes, and even buy a home in a high end neighborhood. your client can take you to high end restaurants, and clubs on outta town business trips, or down low excursions, where you feel you are really the shit, and many providers really get to the point where they feel they are wealthy high class people, but then the bubble breaks and reality rears its ugly head when his wife finds out, or the press finds out, or he is busted by his company for credit card fraud, and it all comes tumbling down and you are let back out on the street corner where it all began. At the end when it is all said and done no matter who you lied to while lying to yourself you look in the mirror at a whore, and thats all you are is some guys nasty sexually twisted trick. Thats not judgement just fact.

[LAVixian]

Wow... I am sure every lady here greatly appreciates being called "some guys nasty sexually twisted trick."

And That's not judgement, just a little fact
DNS....

[LilRed]

Originally Posted by Poker-Face

That is the one thing that providers will never understand, is that you can clean yourself up with all the money you make, you can drive the cars, buy the clothes, and even buy a home in a high end neighborhood. your client can take you to high end restaurants, and clubs on outta town business trips, or down low excursions, where you feel you are really the shit, and many providers really get to the point where they feel they are wealthy high class people, but then the bubble breaks and reality rears its ugly head when his wife finds out, or the press finds out, or he is busted by his company for credit card fraud, and it all comes tumbling down and you are let back out on the street corner where it all began. At the end when it is all said and done no matter who you lied to while lying to yourself you look in the mirror at a whore, and thats all you are is some guys nasty sexually twisted trick. Thats not judgement just fact.

I am lost. I thought the question was what do WE think of the married men in the hobby? Not what we or you think of a provider. I don't get what this has to do with that question? I certainly have never tried to 'sugarcoat' what I do or what I am. It is what it is!

As to the question, I often find myself a bit of a hypocrite. As stated earlier in this thread, a large majority of our clients are married men. And that too, just is what it is. Yet in my personal dating, I wouldn't be caught dating a married man. But I do try to do my best to not judge anyone, including the married men I see professionally. We all have our secrets.

[Outdoorsman]

Denial is very powerful. I know I feel guilt when i have slept with another man's SO who happens to provide. I have even been with ladies that are married and the husband knows what she does for a living. I have not seen them again and I chose not to see them now because of my guilt. It just does not feel right to me to be with another man's woman - that simple. So, I chose not to do it, just me.

I realize he knows but something just weird about it to me.

So, I have chosen not live in the denial. I try hard not to tell myself "Well, he knows and does not care, why should I?" or "Fuck him, if she is willing not my problem." or "If I ignore the issue I will not feel guilt." or "Damn!! She is smoking HOT, go get her and deal with the guilt thing later!" I try hard but I am not always successful, just me. Sometimes i listen to my own bullshit and do things that cause me guilt. Just me.

[here4now]

For the record I hate the term whore even if a provider uses it herself. I once had a provider refer to herself as such and I really felt uncomfortable with her using the term. Yes, I use providers to provide me with things that I am not able to get at home, but I greatly respect them as people and appreciate them no end for being there to fulfill what I am looking for.

[Jacquie]

First of all, make no mistake about it-- I was raised in a perfectly good upscale, high class environment. I don't have the emotional issues that tons of hobbyists have noted about other girls to me bcd. Granted, I am an eccentric being, but I'm also very talented at blow jobs, making art, writing, and making the grade... it comes with the creative chick territory. I am PERFECTLY acceptable to bring home to Mom & Dad-- I actually met the parents with a boy just last week. Not only did they view me as charming and intelligent, but I also got well dressed and pretty-- this was on a day when I was completely unprepared for that sort of exchange too. How's about that? You assume, sir, that I treat my relationships as I do my clients. Not so!


I don't sugar coat prostitution. For 95% of sex trade going on in the US, it must be the most "ignant" country on the face of the planet in its regard... especially since guys like that will post something like that on a board where prostitution is accepted and encouraged. What fucking soap box are you standing on, man? -- One people will pass right by.

As far as what I think of you guys, I absolutely try not to ask "marital status." I don't think it's any of my business, unless he wants to reveal it. When I was working for Vinny of A&E, one of the girls told me she asked all the men if they were married, which I thought was tasteless. I actually looked down on her for that characteristic, but she was very young and damaged, so maybe she didn't understand certain social cues. I don't make judgments, because HEY we all need to get some strange. Plus, when I started doing this, I was living with a boyfriend of several years who absolutely refused to have sex with me. I tried everything too-- cooking, cleaning, getting him presents, wearing naughty underwear, wearing my birthday suit to bed, and even flat out asking him to fuck me. I got NOTHING. I can definitely understand the frustration from married men. Fortunately, I had no costly legal obligations to him.

[naughtynatale]

How I was raised was in some terms old fashioned. With the wait til you get married and was a social child as that is what my parents wanted. The only issues I have are my own. It is not due to my up bringing I was a cheerleader on the student council etc you get the picture. I was the good gurl with the upclass parents.

I do this because I want to.

That being said now back to the topic. I don't ask if they are married. I think they see me to get away from everyday life. It is a moment (how ever the session is) of fantasy fun and relaxation. I am not a shrink so really my sessions are about fun not the concerns of their lives as in kids wives etc.

As Eddie Murphy said it is just the nature of man to go and find and conquer all the p*ssy he can.

I have heard so many reasons why but I do know that the married men I see truly love their wives they just need something more. Some like the naughty part some just want the passion they don't get at home. So I don't think if they are married or not I just think I am seeing a really terrific guy that I can enjoy and he can enjoy me.

[Guest032514-1]

"Judge not least you be judged."

When I started, I knew married men would be the largest segment of my clientele. It did bother me. Until someone who became one of my ATF's confided some of his personal issues to me. And I thought about it. In some way, at some time I'd say @ 70-80 percent of my clients feel compelled to tell me "why".

I'll answer you the same way I reply to them.

Some people come to see me to replace what they are not getting elsewhere. Some come to see me because a monogamous relationship is not in their nature. Either way, here is the upshot (my opinion and we all know about opinions)

You found me. To find me you had to be looking. If you went looking for an escort then most likely you also considered:
street walkers
mistress/girlfriend
one night stands
divorce

Shall we?

Divorce - That's not just a physical issue. It does not just effect you. Maybe. maybe not now. Lots of issues.
One night stands - Again. Problematic. You could be just flat out lying to the other person. Takes time. Opportunity (and not just an hour). Could cause unwanted issues.
Mistress/girlfriend - Unless a straight business arrangement - more maybe in the mistress scenario - you are talking about another obligation you're taking on. In the case of girlfriend, you are talking an emotional attachment. In both cases the chances of drama and strain are huge.
Streetwalkers - do I really have to expound on this?

Now we are back to me. Let's talk about me! I don't require a residence, a monthly allowance, a vehicle, the promise of spending XX amount of time with me per week/month and XX amount of travel per year. I don't call asking if you are coming to see me. I don't guilt you with I love you and my love is so much stronger deeper better bigger than yours that I'm willing to be your shameful secret and put my life on hold for yours. I don't talk about when we are finally married. I don't ask when you're going to leave your family. And I sure in the helll am not going to cause a scene stalk you harass you make your life hell if you quit seeing me.

I will be personable, entertaining, accommodating and I will not intrude into your life - probably complicating further an already complicated situation. And I always always always send you home to your family mentally physically and emotionally prepared to deal with whatever you have to deal with.

As a matter of fact not only do I send you home to continue being an adult facing your responsibilities, but I send you home with one big ass smile on your face. I figure I keep more marriages together than actually harm them.

Could be wrong, but this assumption works for me.

[R.M.]

Oh hum I forgot what I was going to say I cant stop looking at babee's ass hot wow...

[stavinChain]

I used to take my ring off during a session with the misguided notion that I was disrespecting the Institution of Holy Matrimony. (A little sarcasm there...)

And then the same question was posed on another board (somewhere in Texas, I believe). One of the first responses was from an experienced provider who said that when she saw the ring, she relaxed. It meant that the hobbyist had a life that he would go back to, that he was not some psycho who would stalk her or become obsessed with her.

So now I wear the ring as a signal to the provider that, when I leave, I won't be bothering you until our next session.

[Jacquie]

Something very comforting about married men too is that they're clean. There's a huge misconception that women get datVD from providing, because I've been doing this two years now--- and nothing has popped up. Married men have to play safe for obvious reasons. I would much rather get all the fuck out of my system in a session rather than having a one night stand at a bar. Aside from the fact that I don't prefer to engage in sex when I'm under the influence, that's a dangerous road to take. I would never go home with a stranger without having an escape plan. Providing is safe if done with tons of caution, where as a situation in which your inhibitions are lowered with someone you don't know can get messy-- lots of girls I know will go without proper protection, leading to unplanned pregnancies and worse yet, something that won't go away without antibiotics.

[April Showers]

WTF????? You mean to tell me you guys are married??????????

Seriously though... I just assume that every client I meet is married and that each one has his own personal reason for stepping outside of his marriage. Some for varity, some because his SO won't give BJ's or greek or insists only on missionary, and some because he wants it but it's not his birthday. I have even had clients tell me that they seek out providers because she will cuddle with them afterwards where their wives just roll over and go to sleep.

I am not here to judge, I am here to help you escape from reality for a small block of time. To help you recharge and pamper yourself so that you can go back and face the world and take care of your responibilities with a smile.

[naughtynatale]

I like the part of they go home they have a life and won't be bothering me. And in my experience the married ones don't beg for bbfs or the ones I see don't.