Odd --funny stories from "the hobby"

[nycalcharlie2003]

I thought we could lighten things up a bit here by posting some of the odd ( funny) things we have encountered in the hobby.

A few years ago - maybe 5 or 6 years ago, if my memory is correct, I became interested in seeing a lady who was well known in the KC area. I made contact with her by e-mail and then I got her phone number. She was well reviewed, by a number of reputable guys at the time, but our schedules just did not jive. I got her phone number and I gave her a call to try and set something up. I call her and it goes over to voicemail and some music come on - when I heard the music, I hung up and thought "NO DAMN WAY!!!!". What freaked me out? Well, the tune was "The Entertainer" a ragtime tune by Scott Joplin. Why did it freak me out?.
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It was the theme song for the movie "The Sting"!!!

I thought "HOLY SHIT!!!! I couldn't help it, but I was SOOO turned off that I never tried this gal again. It would not have made sense for LE to have a sense of humor - but you never know!


What is your funny story from the hobby?

Charlie

[pyramider]

I found out women will fuck me.

[bigcockpussylicker]

Originally Posted by nycalcharlie2003

- but you never know!

actually, you do know sometimes. Practically the only universal that works is, "you will die", everything else is a crap shoot.

Originally Posted by nycalcharlie2003

-
What is your funny story from the hobby?

I have 2 wallets, one for all the shit I use daily, CC, DL,
the other for the zillion cards I rarely need,
library, grocery store, SAMS club, insurance, AAA, etc
CCs I rarely use

I had a craigslist girl come over, as shes doing a CBJ(not what she told me, but when she starts crying cause the last dude she saw BBFS and did not pay her, I cover it up

she then asks me for more money than what we agreed on, I tell her I feel bad for her, but I have no more money(and show her the 2nd wallet has no more cash
BUT
I open my freezer and offer her some 2week old frozen Jennie-O turkey, want that?

she took it

So this gal, came over, got $$ and frozen turkey to blow me.

Id prefer to fill up ladies with gas, I get 5% back on that deal.

[SinsOfTheFlesh]

This is not my story, but this same topic came up about 3 years ago. I had to go back to dig this post up, but goddamn, its the funniest thing I've ever read, and SO worth repeating.

http://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p=1361544&postcount=5

Originally posted by: OriginalMe (where did he go? Damn I miss his posts)

Oh shit, I guess I'll tell this one. I've got many more, but this is by far the worst I've ever had from BP. I've never told anyone this story. It was the absolute worst day of my entire life. Shut up, it ain't funny.

I guess it was some time in the summer of '07, I was trolling Backpage and came across a new lady, maybe mid 30's, homely but cute, staggeringly massive boobs. I contacted her and we actually IM'd and texted back and forth for a few days, and eventually set up an hour meeting at her place. Her last IM to me read, "BTW, I'm kinky if that's ok?" I responded that it was fine, because I was too.

I pull up to her place, beautiful duplex in a really nice area. Kinda like those "To Catch A Predator" areas. A little too nice. I pull in her driveway, and god damned if there isn't one of those big white Ford Econoline vans parked right in the shared driveway. Tinted windows. Dude just sitting in it. Total cop-mobile, right? I look up, and make eye contact with the dude, and I freak, pull out and bail. I do a couple circles around the block, and when I come back, the dude is gone.

Call me a dumbass if you like, but I just drove 75 miles to get here. So, I'm either getting some, or I'm getting popped by the Po-Po. I let my testicles descend from my throat, pull back in her driveway, ring the bell, and lo-and-behold, she answers. Cute, thick, milf, massive tankers, peaking her head through the door. She rushes me inside and quickly shuts the door, since she was almost butthouse nekkid.

We greet, she tosses me a beer, and we sit there on her couch and BS for like, 45 minutes. She was cool as hell, but I was still waiting for the cops to kick down the door at any moment, like they were just waiting for me to slip up and say something. That was until "it" happened.

Out of god damned nowhere, this pleasantly plump 35 year old housewife leaps through the air, straddles me, pinning me down on the couch, and starts licking my god damned face rapidly and repeatedly like a spastic Saint Bernard who ain't seen its owner in 6 months. Just lapping me up like a water bowl. I don't know WTF to do, because I don't know WTF is going on, my face is soaked, I'm disgusted yet furiously turned on at the same time, and I don't know why. Then, she starts shoving her tongue in my mouth, and I'm getting ready for what I supposed was going to be DFK, but instead, she starts licking my god damned gums. Furiously, licking my gums. All over, top and bottom, above, below, and behind the teeth. Full scale dental deep cleaning. Again, disgusted, yet somehow turned on by this.

Mercifully, after I'm struggling to catch my breath, she gets up, and starts SHOVING me into her bedroom. Pushes me down on the bed, pulls out handcuffs from her drawer, cuffs me to her bed, ties my legs down with neckties, slips on a monkey blanket, basically fucking rapes me, and then it got weird.

She got herself off, got me off, pulls off the rubber, empties it into her mouth, and as I'm looking up at her, she THBBBBBTS snowballs it out all over me, stands over top straddling me, and says, and I'll never forget these words, "Its ok, I'll wash it off", and then god damned pisses all over me. Like a fucking race horse, just flushing herself out. I'm like freaking the hell out, but can't say anything because its in my best interest to keep my lips closed until Secretariat finishes her morning expulsion.

She finishes, smiling her ass off, I'm covered with a mix of my spooge and her piss, laying in a soaked bed, terrified. Her response, "Yeah, I'm definitely a little kinky." Like the classy damsel she CLEARLY was, she offered to let me shower.

I head off to her bathroom, dripping, cold, confused. I couldn't shower, I just wanted to leave, fast. I dry myself off (as I shudder while typing this), get dressed, and left quickly, not saying more than a few words. I mentioned at the beginning it was summer, right? Hot as hell outside, so that's not helping the piss that's in my hair. I roll up on a Quik Trip, buy 4 bottles of water and a travel pack of Alka Seltzer. I use 3 bottles to hose myself down in the middle of the parking lot, and the other to gargle with Alka Seltzer.

Something in the combination of being unexpectedly snowballed, pissed on by a fat housewife, 90 degree heat, cold water being dumped on my head, and a mouthful of effervescent antacid, caused me to ralph everywhere, capping off the worst 2 hours of my life.

Now please leave me alone while I go cry in a corner.

[i'va biggen]

If he reviewed her, wonder how many guys called her?

[maxswell69]

That's funny right there. What a story !!!
QUOTE=SinsOfTheFlesh;105568016 4]This is not my story, but this same topic came up about 3 years ago. I had to go back to dig this post up, but goddamn, its the funniest thing I've ever read, and SO worth repeating.

http://www.eccie.net/showpost.php?p=1361544&postcount=5

Originally posted by: OriginalMe (where did he go? Damn I miss his posts)

Oh shit, I guess I'll tell this one. I've got many more, but this is by far the worst I've ever had from BP. I've never told anyone this story. It was the absolute worst day of my entire life. Shut up, it ain't funny.

I guess it was some time in the summer of '07, I was trolling Backpage and came across a new lady, maybe mid 30's, homely but cute, staggeringly massive boobs. I contacted her and we actually IM'd and texted back and forth for a few days, and eventually set up an hour meeting at her place. Her last IM to me read, "BTW, I'm kinky if that's ok?" I responded that it was fine, because I was too.

I pull up to her place, beautiful duplex in a really nice area. Kinda like those "To Catch A Predator" areas. A little too nice. I pull in her driveway, and god damned if there isn't one of those big white Ford Econoline vans parked right in the shared driveway. Tinted windows. Dude just sitting in it. Total cop-mobile, right? I look up, and make eye contact with the dude, and I freak, pull out and bail. I do a couple circles around the block, and when I come back, the dude is gone.

Call me a dumbass if you like, but I just drove 75 miles to get here. So, I'm either getting some, or I'm getting popped by the Po-Po. I let my testicles descend from my throat, pull back in her driveway, ring the bell, and lo-and-behold, she answers. Cute, thick, milf, massive tankers, peaking her head through the door. She rushes me inside and quickly shuts the door, since she was almost butthouse nekkid.

We greet, she tosses me a beer, and we sit there on her couch and BS for like, 45 minutes. She was cool as hell, but I was still waiting for the cops to kick down the door at any moment, like they were just waiting for me to slip up and say something. That was until "it" happened.

Out of god damned nowhere, this pleasantly plump 35 year old housewife leaps through the air, straddles me, pinning me down on the couch, and starts licking my god damned face rapidly and repeatedly like a spastic Saint Bernard who ain't seen its owner in 6 months. Just lapping me up like a water bowl. I don't know WTF to do, because I don't know WTF is going on, my face is soaked, I'm disgusted yet furiously turned on at the same time, and I don't know why. Then, she starts shoving her tongue in my mouth, and I'm getting ready for what I supposed was going to be DFK, but instead, she starts licking my god damned gums. Furiously, licking my gums. All over, top and bottom, above, below, and behind the teeth. Full scale dental deep cleaning. Again, disgusted, yet somehow turned on by this.

Mercifully, after I'm struggling to catch my breath, she gets up, and starts SHOVING me into her bedroom. Pushes me down on the bed, pulls out handcuffs from her drawer, cuffs me to her bed, ties my legs down with neckties, slips on a monkey blanket, basically fucking rapes me, and then it got weird.

She got herself off, got me off, pulls off the rubber, empties it into her mouth, and as I'm looking up at her, she THBBBBBTS snowballs it out all over me, stands over top straddling me, and says, and I'll never forget these words, "Its ok, I'll wash it off", and then god damned pisses all over me. Like a fucking race horse, just flushing herself out. I'm like freaking the hell out, but can't say anything because its in my best interest to keep my lips closed until Secretariat finishes her morning expulsion.

She finishes, smiling her ass off, I'm covered with a mix of my spooge and her piss, laying in a soaked bed, terrified. Her response, "Yeah, I'm definitely a little kinky." Like the classy damsel she CLEARLY was, she offered to let me shower.

I head off to her bathroom, dripping, cold, confused. I couldn't shower, I just wanted to leave, fast. I dry myself off (as I shudder while typing this), get dressed, and left quickly, not saying more than a few words. I mentioned at the beginning it was summer, right? Hot as hell outside, so that's not helping the piss that's in my hair. I roll up on a Quik Trip, buy 4 bottles of water and a travel pack of Alka Seltzer. I use 3 bottles to hose myself down in the middle of the parking lot, and the other to gargle with Alka Seltzer.

Something in the combination of being unexpectedly snowballed, pissed on by a fat housewife, 90 degree heat, cold water being dumped on my head, and a mouthful of effervescent antacid, caused me to ralph everywhere, capping off the worst 2 hours of my life.

Now please leave me alone while I go cry in a corner.[/QUOTE]

[DallasRain]

I was taking a shower with a client...he was washing my hair--which is sexy as hell--when I bent backward,I slipped and fell down backwards between his legs and busted my tailbone.....I was so sore and bruised for days!


Another time,I was showering after a client left....he had been telling me funny stories about "peeing" in weird places and said he had perfected the art of "peeing in the shower"....He said women dont know how to pee in the shower.....so i decided to see if I could indeed pee in the shower...lol
Well halfway thru my piss,the water went off! It was off for over an hour!!!!Ugggghhhh...I had to get some bottle water from the fridge and give myself a cold rinse off!

So know yall know one reason I HATE taking a shower! LOL!

[Saintliest]

I used to work at a store when I was younger. Every so often an older well known lady would shop there. The first time I saw her, I recognized immediately who she was from her pics. She was wearing black leather pants, and a leather jacket. I followed her for about 20 feet, then stopped and stared as she kept walking. Then a guy who saw me staring at her said, "What a piece of ass huh?" Pretty sure he was with her, because he ended up going down the same aisle.

Well, fast forward a little while and she is shopping through yet again. This time she speaks, "Can you tell me where the Slim Fast is?" I kindly pointed to the part of the store where it would be and said "Aisle (whatever it was)." She says thanks and walks on by. Every so often I would see her again. Once, god I just couldn't stop staring. She saw me looking, and I wonder if she knew that I knew, but whatever.

Fast forward and I'm eating with family at a restaurant. My dad sees a customer of both our employers towards the back. He knows him better, so he walks back and talks to him for awhile. They are just leaving so he comes back with our clients family in tow. I meet his wife and a few others, and mother of god if the well know provider isn't a part of the family.

I considered meeting up with her, just to finally say "Hey, God I've stared at you for 5 years! Your leather pants are fucking HOTT!" But, alas, I then go back to her asking me where the Slim Fast was and how that might be embarrassing for her, and then the possibility that word might slip and my customer knew, and then that word got around back to my family because the industry I work in is very tight knit.

Another one was when I met up with a tall, pretty lady with a lot of tats. She said to meet at a gas station in South KC. Ok. I do that, then she says follow me. So I do. I end up in an area that I've never been to in my life, a friend of a friend works that precinct, and we pull into a motel complex that looks like it should be condemned. And, wouldn't you know it, there's a fucking patrol car sitting in the hotel drive looking out into traffic and watching us pull in. I'm shitting nails as she has the balls to ask me for cash up front to pay the desk clerk, and the entire time I can feel the officers eyes burning into the side of my face. It could have been the guy I met, I don't know. The only thing that I do know is that if I turn around, it's going to be obvious to the cop that I'm avoiding him. So I go through with it. The car is still at the front of the street when I follow her to the room, and I'm scared shitless. She says to relax, he's probably looking for someone the got a call on. PROBABLY?!?! I get in the room, it looks like something out of a Tarantino movie. Again, she says to calm down and relax. The entire time I'm thinking someone's going to bust down the door, police or the guy who slept here before and left his gun under the mattress. Long story short, I calm down enough to do the dirty, get out and head east to 71 hwy where I know the hood gets better. The funny thing, when I left she said I was sweet and next time I can visit her in her apartment. I've seen her pics and ads in KC and in some of the cities I travel to...and yes her pics are real and she is very pretty when she smiles...but there never was a next time.

[Zeeba Neighba]

I couldn't make this up, trust me

I was in the Golden Corral in Branson, MO with my extended family; my wife and kids, my mom, my sister and her family. It has one of the entrance lines where you snake back and forth until you reach the cash the register. We'd made a couple of turns and I was chatting with my brother-in-law. I turned my head and was staring face-to-face with a provider who is no longer active (Angel). We locked eyes for just a second and briefly froze in disbelief. I just saw her 3 or 4 days before that.

We quickly broke off eye contact and continued as though nothing happened. A few hours later she sent me a text that just said, "Small world, huh?"

I couldn't believe it. Still can't. In hindsight, it was hysterical.

[cuddlyteddybear]

Originally Posted by Zeeba Neighba

I couldn't make this up, trust me

I was in the Golden Corral in Branson, MO with my extended family; my wife and kids, my mom, my sister and her family. It has one of the entrance lines where you snake back and forth until you reach the cash the register. We'd made a couple of turns and I was chatting with my brother-in-law. I turned my head and was staring face-to-face with a provider who is no longer active (Angel). We locked eyes for just a second and briefly froze in disbelief. I just saw her 3 or 4 days before that.

We quickly broke off eye contact and continued as though nothing happened. A few hours later she sent me a text that just said, "Small world, huh?"

I couldn't believe it. Still can't. In hindsight, it was hysterical.

Imagine if you had seen her walking out of the hotel room next to yours. Would you have been tempted to tap lightly on her door in the heat of the night? Be honest! LOL

[cuddlyteddybear]

Originally Posted by DallasRain

I was taking a shower with a client...he was washing my hair--which is sexy as hell--when I bent backward,I slipped and fell down backwards between his legs and busted my tailbone.....I was so sore and bruised for days!

DR baby, next time ask for the shower with the padded wrist restraints chained to the shower wall to keep you from falling. LOL.

When I started reading this post, I was thinking it was going to end with you having some curious object inside an embarrassing orifice like on that episode of Seinfeld. "Doc, it was a one in a million chance." LOL.

[DallasRain]

Originally Posted by cuddlyteddybear

DR baby, next time ask for the shower with the padded wrist restraints chained to the shower wall to keep you from falling. LOL.

When I started reading this post, I was thinking it was going to end with you having some curious object inside an embarrassing orifice like on that episode of Seinfeld. "Doc, it was a one in a million chance." LOL.

lol well once I had gotten a vibrating egg stuck inside my booty...that was a chore getting it out!

[DallasRain]

Ok as some of you know I have allergies....they are really bad in the mornings.....I usually take zyrtec and it helps alot!

Well I had an appointment with a special gent last saturday morning.I could tell when we first met that he was a really sweet and fun loving kinda guy.I was so excited abour our playtime!

Well "karma" had plans for me!!!
I was out of my meds,so my allergies started to flare...my nose was very runny!
Most of the session,I spent blowing my nose to keep it from running everywhere....Mucous from the nose and kleenix and vibraters/hitachis and cocks and blowjobs DO NOT mix well! ....I know the poor guy was as miserable as I was!

I was trying so hard to make sure the guy was still having fun but it just was not a good session for either of us!

I have only a few times had that kind of situation happen...I try to stay on top of my allergies,but sometimes shit happens out of our control....

I guess you could say the poor guy did not get my "full" attention that day! He did succeed to the "goal" and was a real trooper about the situation.I do think next time,our session will be a MUCH better time!

I do apologize to him for my "inabilities to perform top notch" that day!

[nycalcharlie2003]

Originally Posted by Zeeba Neighba

I couldn't make this up, trust me

I was in the Golden Corral in Branson, MO with my extended family; my wife and kids, my mom, my sister and her family. It has one of the entrance lines where you snake back and forth until you reach the cash the register. We'd made a couple of turns and I was chatting with my brother-in-law. I turned my head and was staring face-to-face with a provider who is no longer active (Angel). We locked eyes for just a second and briefly froze in disbelief. I just saw her 3 or 4 days before that.

We quickly broke off eye contact and continued as though nothing happened. A few hours later she sent me a text that just said, "Small world, huh?"

I couldn't believe it. Still can't. In hindsight, it was hysterical.

I got one better- I was on a business trip a few months ago and several colleagues of mine were also on the plane. A provider whom I have seen several times - gets on and walks right past me. I thought "HOLY SHIT!!!!!" When I got off the plane I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. Later, when at the hotel, I sent her an email to confirm that it was her--- and it sure was!!
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The good news - we did hook up while I was on the trip!

Charlie

[KCQuestor]

One summer I booked a session with a young lady who agreed to do some roleplaying before the session. I talked her through a scene where she was a student trying to earn an "A" from her professor. She jumped right in, and it was a really fun time. Afterwards, she mentioned how it wasn't too difficult for her to get into character, since she was a student at KU.

I shouldn't have been surprised when I was asked to speak to a class the next fall and saw her sitting in the front row. Sadly, I wasn't in position to give out grades, as it wasn't my class.