Am I a prude?

[Hellion437]

During my many visits to BDD over the years there was a particular dancer I met whose company I enjoyed quite a bit. No extras, just a nice, sensual lady that gave good dances and was fun to talk with. One day while we were chatting she mentioned her husband in passing. Ever since then, I haven't gotten any dances from her because it just doesn't feel right to me. We still chat from time to time but now that I know she's happily married I would feel like a total heel putting my hands on her.

Am I a gentleman or am I nuts?

[Gonzo DFW]

Unless she's really good at hiding her occupation, her husband obviously knows. If he doesn't care, do you? I would not, but hey...

[hd]

Hellion437, are you married?

[Lana Warren]

Hellion,
It's something that you're not comfortable with, so no, I don't think that you are a prude at all! And in my book, this makes you a true gentleman!

[Carrie Hillcrest]

Originally Posted by Hellion437

Am I a gentleman or am I nuts?

You're sweet, but nuts. It's highly, highly unlikely her husband doesn't know about her job and/or doesn't approve. She's happily married, apparently happy with her job, and apparently has no issues with being a married dancer. The only problem I'm seeing is on your end.

If it really bothers you or you miss her dances/company, why not ask her about her situation? While I ordinarily wouldn't recommend asking a dancer about her personal life, since she brought it up, she's probably okay talking about it. Her clarifying what the deal is might not change anything, but with more information, you might find you no longer have a hang-up.

[LuckJack]

We can not control our feelings so don't question them. As the ever wise Lana says if you are uncomfortable don't do it. I have had similar feelings concerning providers who were in real relationships, can't explain but if I am uncomfortable I don't go there.

I don't know if you are a prude/gentlemen/nuts but I have similar experiences.

[Red Tex]

I have a dancer I am friends with whom I have spent hundreds, if not a thousand on just tips in the last months. 2 weeks ago she introduced me to her husband. I don't think I can get another dance from her, at least if I am sober!

[Adrianna xo]

I agree with Lana on the gentleman part... but hey like the old saying goes... "If you can't beat em' join em'!"

[aka]

Your table dances are probably what is keeping their marriage together. You wouldn't want to cause a financial strain in their relationship, would ya?

[Hellion437]

Originally Posted by hd

Hellion437, are you married?

No, I'm not.

Originally Posted by Carrie Hillcrest

You're sweet, but nuts. It's highly, highly unlikely her husband doesn't know about her job and/or doesn't approve.

Sweet nuts. Sounds like a breakfast cereal.

I'm fully aware that her husband knows what she does and is probably okay with it. This particular hang up is entirely on my end and it's the somewhat irrational aspect of it that I found interesting. I'm not worried that a lap dance with her would affect her in any way, but it seems to affect the way I look at myself.

Originally Posted by aka

Your table dances are probably what is keeping their
marriage together. You wouldn't want to cause a financial strain in their
relationship, would ya?

That's an episode of Jerry Springer just waiting to happen.

[huck finn]

I always find these type of things interesting. It's your sympathetic nervous system at work. It mobilizes the body's resourses under stress. It's the flight or fight thing. Something about her being married bothers you and its not something you can control. The hobby presents many opportunities for these things to happen. There are things that bother me that don't seem to bother others, but at the same time there are things that others are bothered by that don't bother me. Although you may logically understand in your mind, there is still something working inside of you that causes you to feel the way that you do. And there's not much you can do about it.

[Bobave]

Originally Posted by Hellion437

That's an episode of Jerry Springer just waiting to happen.

I was thinking something similar, only it was Jerry Seinfeld...

[Lust4xxxLife]

I don't know if you're a prude, but you aren't living up to your handle!

Seriously though, I know what you mean. When dancers become friends and you get to know a little about each other's real world, everything changes. Not necessarily bad, just different.

[Hellion437]

Originally Posted by Lust4xxxLife

I don't know if you're a prude, but you aren't living up to your handle!

Hey, just the other day I tore a tag off of a mattress. I'm off the chain! WOOF!