ASK THE FUCKING PROPHET! (Free Beta Version)

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

Come on...you can do better than that!!

I want just as much insight as the other guy got!

Since I probably owe you one (for being so mean to you).......once upon a time......

Call him up and tell him you want to let by-gones be by-gones......invite him over next weekend for a drink and discussion on how you both can move forward amicably.

In the mean time, start sucking all of the dick you can this week and spit the jizz in a cup.

When the ex comes over next weekend, mix him his drink and add that little something extra for shits and grins........and try to pay attention as you have that thoughtful discussion on how you both can move forward amicably........and if he really fucked you over, invite him back for seconds.

[LAVixian]

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike.

OMFG! What to do dearhunter?!

[dearhunter]

You are as slow as tj1965.......but, I am the Fucking prophet and can only work with what you give me.... you do not even tell me what kind of bike you have.......the devil is in the details.

Take the elderly gentleman back to his place and fuck his brains out.......he will have a heart attack....administer cpr until the EMS arrives.....the old fuckers Banker son will arrive all distraught at the pending loss of his father....console him and fuck his brains out.

As he is leaving, he will call one of his friends to tell them what kind of whore you are....at that moment, tell him his dad was a better fuck than him.........when he throws his phone at you, you will have an upgrade.

[boardman]

Dear dearhunter

Are you The Wolf?

[BARFLY]

ROTFLMAO!!!

This promises to be an epic thread. Hopefully it will translate into an actual forum.

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by boardman

Dear dearhunter

Are you The Wolf?

This one is a little trickier.....I should have expected it considering the source.

A chess question deserves a chess answer: Wolf=dog=chihuahua=my bitch

[LAVixian]

And that is why you are the Fucking prophet! My sniveling self now bows before you in hopes of mercy... oh sexy one

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by BARFLY

ROTFLMAO!!!

This promises to be an epic thread. Hopefully it will translate into an actual forum.

Don't bet on it......my point count rivals yours.

[BARFLY]

Speaking of that. . .

What is the best way to kill a limey rat bastard that pretends he is from England so that it is long and painful?

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by LAVixian

And that is why you are the Fucking prophet! My sniveling self now bows before you in hopes of mercy... oh sexy one

NO does build them nice......I'm just saying.

[boardman]

Dear dearhunter,
I recently experienced a traumatic divorce from my hobby wife.
It now seems that she has gone off the deep end. She has accused my friends of terrible things and now I'm hearing that she may have even taken advantage of some impressionable young ladies.
She also went and got herself a nice long ban from this board we used to post on all the time.
I feel really bad about all of this, like somehow it's my fault that she went all bat shit crazy.
My question is this:
How do I go about getting all my stuff back like my razor and my Cat Fancy magazines.

signed,
needs a shave in H-town

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by BARFLY

Speaking of that. . .

What is the best way to kill a limey rat bastard that pretends he is from England so that it is long and painful?

You will need to go to your local Walmart and purchase:

1 roll of duct tape
1 bottle of eye drops
1 pair of socks
1 folding chair
1 football helmet
1 bag of ice
1 cooler
1 DVD (Captain and Commander)

Put the beer on ice in the cooler

Invite him over for an orgy.......sway him with bbbj/greek hotties........when he arrives, offer him a few beers to get ready for the hotties

Set the folding chair in the middle of the room.......get the hotties to offer him a kincky chair dance.......have them duct tape him in the chair naked.

Once the hotties have him all hot and bothered, roll out a TV/DVD player and put on the movie........put one sock over his dick and one sock in his mouth.....force him to watch the movie over and over and over and over and over while you fuck the hotties in the other room.

If he makes a sound, tell him you will swap socks.

[dearhunter]

Shit fuck damn I had no idea I was so needed.........

[dearhunter]

Originally Posted by boardman

Dear dearhunter,
I recently experienced a traumatic divorce from my hobby wife.
It now seems that she has gone off the deep end. She has accused my friends of terrible things and now I'm hearing that she may have even taken advantage of some impressionable young ladies.
She also went and got herself a nice long ban from this board we used to post on all the time.
I feel really bad about all of this, like somehow it's my fault that she went all bat shit crazy.
My question is this:
How do I go about getting all my stuff back like my razor and my Cat Fancy magazines.

signed,
needs a shave in H-town

Since your ex is in the outhouse, I walk a thin line in not joining her in the course of my response..... this one is a fucking landmine.....bitch

That being said, I will try to help because in some small way I feel partially to blame for your nuptuals..........it was a trainwreck brought to fruition with great patience.

To make this work, you will need to make some purchases at a Subway.....this can be done over the course of a few days, or you could enlist assistance from the fucktards who coaxed you into the doomed nuptuals.......after each purchase get the card stamped that leads you to a freebie.

Once you have all of the slots stamped except one, you take the card and place it under the driverside windshield wiper of the afore mentioned ex's car....do this just before lunch on a Tuesday....then wait in the bushes.

You should have about 1 hour.....that is how long it should take for her to eat 2 sandwiches......get in get out.....no fuss/no muss.

[dearhunter]

Fucktard fills my plate.......then, goes and gets himself banned.....fucking newbies all thinck this shit is easy.