The other side of the ATF

[ClairJordan]

HAs anyone had an ATF relationship get just too comfortable and kinda fizzle out sexually? I had that happen this summer. A lovely, wonderful man I saw on a very regular basis (at least twice a month) and I got...I don't know how to describe it...we became too close and I backed off the ATF aspect. My choice, and I set him up with another lady in Boston, who now sees him almost every week! I know, ladies, slap me...but the relationship changed. I can't say exactly how, but it did.
Anyone else ever experience this type of thing?

[DallasRain]

I did in Albuquerque..I had a regular I saw every time I visited there...the guy kept telling me I LOVE YOU/LETS GET MARRIED ONE DAY/I COULD ROCK YOUR WORLD LIKE NO OTHER MAN!!!!...ouch!
I told him that if bigamy was legal,he could marry me any day{lol}....besides,I already have a guy who "rocks my world like no other"{for over 25 yrs & he also lets other guys rock my world...lol}

I know it happens to alot of providers.....glad you handled it well Clair{kuddos}!!!

[Outdoorsman]

I am an openminded person and believe one can find love in the hobby, if that's what you mean by too comfortable. It sounds to me Clair, that you may have been getting too close and cozy to this particular guy and the fear of vulnerability, financial security, etc. etc. backed you off of him. I understand.

Although I think it can happen, finding love in the hobby. I think it is extremely difficult and the barriers to trust are tremendously high. Personally, I do not think I could fall in love with a provider because in my experience most seem to want something when they give to me. A relationship does not work that way for me, we each give to each other simply because we care for each other. Because of the business aspect of the hobby most providers I have seen are willing to take from me, but rarely willing to give to me. I am not talking about giving of material things or swapping services. Just giving to me because of the sheer joy of giving to another person you care about. I do not find that in the hobby world, just me.

I have gotten close to providers in where I have had the thought of pursuing her romanitcally. I backed off too, fear is a powerful emotion for me. And it is fear of vulnerability, pain, relationship not wokring, etc. etc. I have been thorugh one divorce (most painful experience of my life) I vow not to go through another one, just me.

[DallasRain]

Outdoors babe..I love ya man! You seem like a helluva guy!!

[Nina Rae]

Its happened to me too. I started out seeing a particular client once a month, but that became twice a week! We had great lunches together, awesome BCD, and fantastic conversation. We just clicked. After three months of seeing each other regularly, he started to say that once a week wasn't enough. We increased to twice a week and his wife got suspicious. I told him he should chill out for a while in an email. He responded by showing up at my place with diamond earrings and saying that he thought he might be in love with me.

Now, I had a great time too. But I knew this was someone else's husband. He knew I was his entertainment, NOT his life. Or at least he should have known. He ended up becoming reckless, the SO found out, and he was squashed like a bug. Even after he'd spent hours in therapy trying to save his marriage (yes, they made up), he still emails me telling me he loves me.

We have our relationships with clients/providers in a vacuum. If you spend most of your time with a woman who looks dynamite every time you see her, treats you like gold, smells like $200 perfume, wears the best clothes, and is always stoked to see you...yes, it can be over whelming. It can feel like she's the one. Its important to remember your commitments at home come first though.

[XCellzislikeWHOA]

this happened with me and this girl very well known provider here was seeing each other i lived about 2-3 hrs from her i would drive every weekend to see her we started to get real serious. then i shipped off to iraq. we talked like everyday on skype i even sent her money while i was gone to take care of her we have been dating for about 8-9 months now. i come back from iraq off leave (i had planned on proposing to her the ring i bought was worth about 5k) she treated me like straight shit. i had been hinting on proposing to her so that probably scared her away. her mom was in town also to see me so me and her mom get along great we drink blah blah i had a lil too much so we drive to her apartment. im like pretty much 80 sober at this point she was going back to see her mom at her hotel. I was going to run some water with bubble bath and throw some rose petals all over the bedroom. she gets back she senses im about to pop the big question and starts arguing. im like the only way to settle this is just put the ring on the table. i put the ring on the table and she throws it outside and says IM NOT GOING TO MARRY ANYBODY I DONT KNOW. then she leaves me in the apt all by myself for about 2 days to go sleep with her mom who is at her hotel no cellphone no car(coming back from iraq on leave) so im like srsly this is what your potential wife does when u come back from Iraq? so i sit there and ponder what did i do to deserve this???

so i get up get dress go on bourbon (mom hotel is close to there) party a lil bit it is my leave then i go to her hotel to see if she has calmed down? i cant remember her mom's number so i get on the main desk phone to talk to her she says she doesnt want to see me I'M NOT A BALLER,IM LUCKY TO BE TALKING TO HER,and im a distraction for doing her ESCORT THING im like srsly? when u was broke didnt have any money i was the one to pay for everything. (i bought at least 500 dollars worth of furniture)

i dont wanna go on with the rest its pretty crazy. probably damage this chick rep here


so i go back to iraq in june by myself. she gets kicked out of her apt by for selling poon, thinks i set it up

new orleans vice squad has a investigation on her i was told this by the landlord cause when i came back i was looking for a place to live in new orleans.

with that said i dont evvvvvvvvvvver think i could date a escort its already hard enough with the line of business she was in. then i found out she is a compulsive liar who lies to make her self look more than what she is chick has serious mental issues which i think stems from escorting.


went back to iraq pretty broken hearted

we both was serious about this relationship she would call me everyday, send me stuff in the mail from iraq i still never got what happened there?

was she scared of commitment and that us getting married would distract her from escorting? or was she just using me?

[Guest052115-1]

Whoa!

[Poker-Face]

In show business they call it "believing your own PR spin". In these feelings of love the dawg forgets he is paying her to as previously mentioned " look great, treat him like a king, and smell like $200" there is another saying "there is no romance without the finance" and as soon as the money you put in the meter runs out, the cell phone or pager goes off and you have to go. As Outdoorsman said, proviers are programed to take or do for a price, and it is not in their natural disposition to be mutually giving without getting something in return. The biggest barrier in a relationship that started as dawg/provider would be in the backs of their minds they always know the relationship started as a business transaction.

[XCellzislikeWHOA]

so your saying all providers are gold diggers?

[LilRed]

I hear of this happening all the time. And I can understand how it can come about. I do have certain clients that I have to keep at arms length to aviod this from happening. I suppose I am the oddball sometimes though. I don't even believe in relationships or marriage. Even in my RL, when I stay at a guys house, I get up and sneak out in the middle of the night. And I RARELY let them stay at my house for fear they will never leave. Maybe it is my FEAR that it would happen to me that makes me have such strict rules. But sometimes, when it comes to matters of the heart, what can you do?

[Outdoorsman]

Dallas - Thak you so much, you seem like a pretty great lady yourself!!

LilRed - sounds like fear to me, I allow my self to become vulnerable because when my ex and I were getting along there was not a better feeling in the world than being in love and having that grand love recipricated back. Oh Yea, that's nice!!!!

XCell - I try hard not to generalize and ever say all providers are this or that, simply cuz it is not true. A lot of providers are in the business simply for money and to be honest I am in the business I am in simply for money, but I enjoy what I do, I help others on a daily basis and I feel I am blessed that I can do this for other people every day!!! So, many providers will tease me, flatter me, and bullshit me to get me to set an appt, repeat, or take to dinner or whatever. But when I view her actions toward me that tells the whole story, she is just stringing me along for money. This scenario has played out for me several times. But also I have made a few genuine friends, life long relationships it seems.

[gimme_that]

Am I the only one reading this in utter disbelief.

I am amazed by some of the responses I'm reading thus far. They are bordering on relationshipy type activities. Doing a favor, buying a gift, or keeping in contact occasionally is one thing.....but constant communication from her? How preventative of her.

Im thinking more so dudes who find themselves in those god awful situations have been single and lonely way to long. The hobby would seem to have made them jaded to normal interactions a relationship entails. Another reason I key on performance more so when finding an ATF. The ambiance of kissing, pillow talk, etc is cool but it starts and ends with $$$$$. The physical cant be faked, all the mental aspects can be. Shes acting guys. Is your session free? To put it plainly she wants money, you want physical stimulation of some sort...the methods in which u recieve those on both sides are fair game. Dont forget ur side.

Separate fantasy from reality and just have fun. We should all be aware of the limits.

[JoesphFriday]

I would say about 95% are only in it for the gold/money.There may be a few who are out here on hard times just doing what they have to until they get back on their feet. Providers actually love the regulars that get hung up on them, and who buy them gifts, give them extra cash because somehow they make the guy feel he is the only one. LOL(yea right), but as soon as the guy takes it too far and propses they move in together, or get married, (the suckers gotta go). To put it honest a provider is a rebel and non conformist in every sense of the word, many I have known are strong women activist who would never put themselves in the position of depending on a man, but some how they do not see that they actually do depend on a mans weakness for sex to pay for their lifestyle.

[Nina Rae]

Yes, we do this for money. However, sometimes, while you're lazing around whispering and giggling under the covers, you start to actually give a damn about the person you're snuggling up to. You want them to be happy...not just so they'll come back again, but so they'll enjoy themselves, therefore causing enjoyment in you.

It can happen. I think I may be enjoying time with one of my ATFs a little too much these days. You have to step back occasionally. But it can be hard. We are people you know.

[ClairJordan]

Wow, I started this thread before driving from Shreveport to Dallas (I am ditching the car as quickly as I can, ENOUGH of this!) and booted up to find so much great input and insight. We all have different exeriences and while that's how we grow, it can be very painful, as some have noted.

My experience this summer was not romantic, or problematic, I simply felt like we had become good friends and lost passion for him..I friend-zoned him! Guys, don't cha hate that?? Even tho he was married and we had rocking BCD time, he was someone I never would have dated in RL, and yes he was married, I'll say it again. I simply passed him on. My associate now gets the financial benefit, which she really appreciates, and he has the regular 'adventure' he needs. We talk on the phone now and then.

But: I confess. I have dated a couple of former clients. There reached a point, quite quickly, where the relationship changed. One worked out great; he had courtside seats for the NBA, we had a blast together and it lasted until he married another MD (go figure!). The other guy played me. It was early in my days as an escort and I bought his bs. However, I nipped it in the bud by subletting an apt. for three months in his home town and it quickly became apparent that I was being played. As in, he would pick a fight on Friday afternoons and send flowers Monday morning! As Kid Rock says, I was born at night, but not last night, baby!

Ah well. I am also totally non-relationship oriented at this time, I enjoy the biz, meeting new people, having various types of connection and, mos of all, the FREEDOM this biz provides.

Obviously. Why else would I be driving all over friggin Texas and LA??