When a Hobbyist/Provider Outs You

[guest071811-3]

you see..from the start I have said in other "outing" post.. that prompting guys to "have some balls" and stand up just further upsets the person doing the threatening..

your "devils advocate" means he still has "something to lose"..i clearly said "if a hobbyiest has been outted and has nothing to lose" at that point he could lash back at the person outting him..if he is trying to make amends..then he clearly still has something to lose..and should avoid the person..

I get shit happens..I get info falls into what you thought was trusted hands.. my point is that unless you think the girl you are going to see would be comfortable giving just as much info as she is asking from you..why see her? is it worth it? if she will be armed with enough info to cause you harm and you are trying to spend money..shouldn't you be armed with just as much info and reverse screen her since she is trying to make the money you are spending? who needs who worse..and I mean that honestly.. without willing hobbyiest that conform to extreme screening..there wouldn't be a chance for those ladies to make money..they would either change their practices or find a different job.. they wouldn't however..have enough info to hurt people..

Originally Posted by cheatercheater

I want to play devil's advocate on that statement.

If the person was outed to a spouse, what if they are still in repair mode and all is not yet lost? Naming the perpetrator of the cowardly act would further incite said perpetrator to try and inflict more damage. Sometimes just the mere fact of posting would show a continued involvement in the hobby and probably the first promise in reconciliation is to quit the hobby.

No drama makes mama happy. I guess mama isn't happy.

If the idiot who mailed the school of a provider's child was publicly named, would that be enough reason for the idiot to do it again at the next school or to her friends and neighbors? He may become more aggressive in hurting her. I use the term idiot to describe the outing party to avoid points for vulgar profanity.

And in this community, sharing the information via private areas will work until a friend, posse member, or white knight is given the info. Then it gets back to the original asshat and the possibility of further aggressive outing starts.

TTH wrote on another thread of people trying to investigate the cause of a dirty deed and the habit of turning it back on the victim. (Brilliantly written IMHO) Is that what is happening on this thread as well? It is easy to say that the personal information should never have been available. It doesn't make it right to use the information to create havoc in someone's life.

There is no real easy answer that would pertain to each individual. My gut feeling right now is that if I was outed that I would go into attack mode and seek revenge. Put their picture with their handle or latest ad on a billboard close to their house or something. If you feel as though you can't be hurt anymore than you already have been, then by all means name the person. If there is still hope of minimizing the damage and reconciling with a loved one, then take care of yourself first.

[MaxiMilyen]

Originally Posted by Dannie

I guess she's done it twice then, because it's my understanding that this is recent.

Third time's a charm?

*edit....Travelling man was not referring to the Sultry gfe of the decade who is being discussed here. Different person and situation altogether. Sophie's choice was a great movie, by the way.

LOL...way to be subtle, hon...too funny!!

I agree that outting is the NO NO of the hobby! It blows my mind every time I read a story about it. It should not be allowed to be posted without substantiated proof though, just in case the allegations are false. (I have no idea who should be in charge of that or how they should go about it) Crazy world when it's been allowed to happen once by a professional individual and they get away with it, much less twice!!! Mind Blower for sure!

[Guest122610]

If this ever happens to the lady or the man, they should seek legal matters against the accuser. I am not a lawyer, but know of a case. It is blackmail, if nothing much worse. Send them to prison, it has been done before.

[Guest071613-2]

While I still fully believe the hobbyist who was outed is telling the truth, I should have never posted what I did since I wasn't actually there, and I apologize for that. He needs to get a pair and come forward, knock off all this hiding in the shadows stuff and PMing the alert. I'm done.

[SweetAterPie]

Originally Posted by Dannie

He needs to get a pair and come forward, knock off all this hiding in the shadows stuff and PMing the alert. I'm done.

As hard as I try. I may not be done yet.
I bolded D's text, I find that inspirational. HE, I, WE.

[TheBizzer]

Originally Posted by RoundPound

If this ever happens to the lady or the man, they should seek legal matters against the accuser. I am not a lawyer, but know of a case. It is blackmail, if nothing much worse. Send them to prison, it has been done before.

Haha, wouldn't that be nice if it was illegal to air somebody's dirty laundry. I'm not a lawyer either, but I'm pretty sure extortion (the crime) involves demanding money in exchange for not doing so. So merely outing somebody, however awful we all deem it, is not a crime. In fact, most of society would give someone a gold star for it.

[St.Mateo]

Originally Posted by midlyfecrysis51

First hand accounts were sent to the mods / admin here.

Ok Did you send this to all the mods /Admins?
You stated there was a letter Do you have this letter? All I see is your opinion of the events and when did this occur?

I will echo CPI words with this as well. Many of you here did not mention a name, that is up to the person who feels wronged to say then somehow several of you make references out of the blue as to who it is.
Please tell me how did you get there? Sounds odd to me

Let me restate the obvious. Outing someone is a very serious issue and is not tolerated. On the flips side making references and innuendo as to the name is just plain rude and uncalled for. If this turns out to be not proven oe without merit then those who commented can be held accoumtable fpr their comments.

[Guest100513-2]

If he were to post an alert, and has only his word as proof, would he be banned for making such an accusation?

It would be his word against hers and we could all decide who we want to believe.

Assuming he only posted her board handle and no real life info.

[Luckyl]

Maybe the outed is sucking it up and trying to put his life back in order and just doesn't give a damn? And when and if that doesn't work out, he'll be pissed enough to present the demanding burden of proof needed to out the outer. I've read enough between the lines here to get the who's and what's to make my own decisions on what is really going on. So maybe we should put it to rest and let our guts lead us on our own way.

[~Ze~]

Originally Posted by travelling_man

...but when ECCIE started over again the mods decided that a prior outing didn't matter and she was given free reign to do it again over here if she chose. Not my place to say who it was since I just read it like everyone else, but I was shocked when it happened...

Just like CPI states below... everyone was granted a clean slate when Eccie was born....

even you.

Since the mods ruled on it already why are you still carrying a torch about this one in particular?

Originally Posted by cpi3000

Tbone has made it clear that people who do not play well with others in the community get dealt with, however everyone was granted a "clean slate" when Eccie first started.

--------

Originally Posted by travelling_man

... If that happened, how would the members here feel about that person still being active in the community?.

I would feel no different than a person who writes a review admitting to falsifying screening info to see a girl who had him on her DNS list... or a guy who emails admitting to sneaking BBFS without a girl knowing...

"Shady ass people" (no, there isn't a definition for that term, it is up to one's own interpretation) have no place in my world, and I try to keep them as far away from me as possible. Even if that means going on hearsay about attmepted/sneak BBFS, or hearsay on a reincarnation of some old buttlid with a new handle.
---------------------------------------
A sad thing about the hobby is most of it is solely based on hearsay. Screening? Hearsay... Reviews? Hearsay... Comments on reviews? Hearsay... back channels... everything.

It is what keeps us safe...and destroys us. Nothing can be done about it. We depend on it. We make our everyday, life/death decisions on it. If we didn't have it.. where would we be?

This board is only here BECAUSE of it... no matter how big or small the details are, how close someone is to a situation, or how far removed. Every scrap of info/proof should be collected.

Point out a single provider here that doesn't at least want to know there is a rumor about a guy who sneaks BBFS if she is about to see him? All you fellas who could give a shit less if a provider is working with a "dangerous crew" raise your hand. We all use bits and pieces of everything we collect to protect ourselves one way or another.

Yes, lives are often ruined by it. Not nearly as often as by one slipping up and forwarding something to his boss. Keystrokes kill! LOL.

I for one would rather have too much info than none... I have seen guys with less than favorable pasts, and I have turned away a few based off of a single bad word. Give me the data and let me crunch it. Interpretation is what it is all about.. and being adult.

About the "rumor"- I PM'd someone and got a 2 word reply... that does NOTHING to make me believe the incident actually happened. In fact.. it did MORE to make me believe it didn't. The person has balls enough to post "OMG THIS HAPPENED" but nothing else? Really???... The boards are no different than a courtroom. Both sides need to plea their case and let the jury decide.

[St.Mateo]

Originally Posted by monkmonk

If he were to post an alert, and has only his word as proof, would he be banned for making such an accusation?

It would be his word against hers and we could all decide who we want to believe.

Assuming he only posted her board handle and no real life info.

Dont quote me but in the case of someone saying they were outed and it being wrong there would have to be some form of punishment.I am not sure of what that would be

This one is done.....

[St.Mateo]

http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?t=122593

midlyfecrysis51 has issued a apology in the above link

I would hope that everyone reading here take all of this and learn from it and remember it And especially dont ever repeat it...