BOYFREINDS – and Open Relationships

[JimTheMuttAgain]

Originally Posted by GingerB

it would HAVE to be an OPEN relationship. And...no doubt, I would want to keep escorting….and prefer that my SO hobby as well!
Most importantly….how do you find an SO….who is willing to have an open relationship?

Someone refered me to a swingers website….and said it was the best source to find this type of SO.

I'm not sure if what I say here will apply but, here is my personal experience and/or opinions on the topic:

I had a 3-year relationship with a woman who was a provider. She was not a provider when we started dating though. About a year into the relationship she said she wanted to try being a dancer. I replied, "Hell you might as well be an escort since thats where dancing usually leads."
She asked if I could actually handle that and I said, "Sure."

She worked as a low volume provider for two years and was still doing it when we broke up. Her providing had nothing to do with why we broke up though.

Main reasons it worked for us?....
1) TRUST
2) Frequent COMMUNICATION
3) RESPECT
4) RULES both of us agreed to before she started and we stuck to them
5) Her doing it simply didn't bother me and actually intensified our sex life

Some of the rules we had...
-I wasn't to see providers. Some may say "wtf?" but, it was her job and what was the point of her making say, $250 if I spent that amount seeing someone else?
-There were certain days of the week she would not work so, we always knew what days we had for "us."
-She wouldn't see anyone who was friends with either of us. This ended up being vital because, it easily would have caused trust issues.
-If we fought, no matter how mad I might get I could NEVER throw it in her face, even if she was retired.
-She wouldn't offer a few things to clients and kept them just for us (like greek, etc.).

The idea of an open relationship was never considered. Early on she was concerned that I would want to play with another woman but, I didn't see it as "its only fair if I get to play" and she got past that assumption quickly.
My opinion of open relationships is that they are toxic and usually based on selfishness.
I found it interesting that you said it would HAVE to be an open relationship for you. Why do you say that? Just curious.

As for swinging.... I would be surprised if swinging leads you to what you are looking for. Especially if you and your partner allowed "open" swinging versus "same room."

I have been single now for about a year and a half and its been pretty frustrating for me in finding someone for a relationship because, I know myself and know that at some point one of the things I would get into would be for her to play w another guy (call me strange but, thats just me). I wouldn't encourage her to become a provider but, if that was something she wanted to look into, I wouldn't rule it out without talking it over with her.

To Reese:
You make several valid and logical points and I tend to agree with your viewpoint but... Its not impossible. Its a bit ironic with my experience though. To a lot of people they would assume its not possible to maintain a relationship if the woman was a provider. However, in my case she was able to work as a provider while she was involved with me BECAUSE we had what I saw as a close, trusting relationship to begin with.

Thanks

[KRH]

This is a tough one. I spent a few hours with a provider once who didn't indulge in full sex, just massage and a happy ending and we got on so well. I never went back to her as I felt I couldn't cross that line into being a customer again. Well, we talked frequently, and often about meeting up off the clock as we were both lonely, so I took a few days to think about it and just couldn't get past her line of work in relation to how I would see her as a partner if we fell in love, and in some ways related to that, to protect myself from getting hurt.

I hope one day she'll go "mainstream"; if she does I hope she lets me know, because she's a wonderful and incredible person. She'll make someone a very happy man one day.

[gptxman]

I will be honest and say at the beginning, no I didn't read all the post so someone might have already posted what I have to say or something similar.

I am currently in an open relationship with my SO and to be honest it is great. We both get to have what we want when we want and still have each other also.

My suggestion is not to do the web sites thing. We tried the web sites at first but after meeting so many people with pics posted that looked nothing like them for one reason or another we gave up on them. We like to meet people in the clubs where we can truly see what they look like and get to see if we like their personalities at the same time. We have picked up couples & singles from swingers clubs and regular clubs as well. The most important thing you will need to do is state what you are looking for when you first meet a guy. This will save you a lot of time and trouble dealing with guys that can't deal with an open relationship. Sure you might meet a guy that thinks he can deal that finds out he can't but at least he knew what he was getting into from the start.

[Jacrny2000]

My wife and I have been involved in swinging for 10+ years off and on. It started not by either of us having to convince the other one to do so. We just happened to go to a club in Dallas one night that was swinger (and other stuff friendly The Old Spankees) and met a few couples. They talked to us about it and we discussed among ourselves for a few months. We had been married 10+ yrs at the time and made the rule that we always went home with each other.
Since then we attended all kinds of clubs, parties, etc but to continue you have to keep things in proper perspective. I think most of the people that have been in it for as long as us had been married at least 10 years, and also probably didnt even think about swinging till they were close to 40.
Where the train comes off of the rails generallly in when you see younger couples (especially if the girl is hot) then the jealousy sets in.

[txcwby6]

Open, closed, whatever, ALL relationships are tough if you perceive your SO as an equal because equality equates with mutual respect, including NOT agreeing with everything you say or do. If he/she has an opinion different than yours live with it or find some poor soul that lacks self-esteem, has the backbone of a jellyfish and wants to be your slave. If you want the right to fuck others and feel that having a mate that wants to fuck others too good luck. It may or may not work. It's likely the odds of a successful "open" relationship are no better (or worse) than a monogomous marriage, live-in, shacking up or "we share the rent so let's share parts too" relationship. It's your life and why you would seek advice regarding relationships in a forum dedicated to the promotion of Hobbying & Providing (which is somewhat like asking a pedophile how to babysit children) is beyond me. Nobody gets guarantees other than if you don't try you're guaranteed to be unloved and alone (and don't buy the crap from people that say "I love you and will be there for you." They won't "be there" in the way a spouse or SO will and it's a hollow promise at best). Good luck.

[JimTheMuttAgain]

Originally Posted by txcwby6

(which is somewhat like asking a pedophile how to babysit children).

I may not be the brightest guy on earth but, I am dumbfounded at how you could possibly compare or even think to make a comparison with what you said and the thread topic???

[Lucas McCain]

Originally Posted by JimTheMuttAgain

I may not be the brightest guy on earth but, I am dumbfounded at how you could possibly compare or even think to make a comparison with what you said and the thread topic???

I think it would be fair if you at least included txcwby6's entire sentence and not just part of it. The logic behind it makes complete sense and chopping it up only dilutes his point. I too doubt this site is the best place to have an objective discussion about open relationships because people involved in relationships are here for a reason and this site is probably not the best place to find answers if this is a genuine inquiry about open relationships......But then again, birds of a feather....

[unipac69]

Not sure how to answer your question, but I decided that I would want to have a SO like you. I have been the other route and the thought of you working and the thought that you would be willing to tell me about your day would be unbelievable.

I hope you find him.