Dating and The Hobby! Do We Really Know the Difference?

[Lana Warren]

Well, as most of you know, I'm single and in the dating world! Have had many dates in the real world, but nothing to write home about except for a couple! I recently met someone and kinda hit it off! After about the third date, we talked about being intimate with one another and just when we thought it would happen, it occurred to me that I really wasn't attracted to him! Needless to say, I didn't go through with it! Wanna know why?

It dawned on me that I was in my "Provider" mode! No, it wasn't about money! It was all about me making someone else happy! I have been this for so long that I have forgotten what is like to really be in love with someone! I give so much of myself to other people that I forget my needs!

Don't get me wrong, I love being with my hobby gentlemen and I would never try to find real love here, but do any of you ever have a problem with your "hobby" mentality when it comes to dating?

BTW, I did tell my new beau that I was not the lady for him.....didn't really have the heart to tell him the truth! LOL

[Boom Boom]

Interesting topic, sub'd...

[Iaintliein]

Being married, I don't know about dating. But it's pretty easy to tell the difference between the hobby and matrimony. . .

I don't hang out on boards discussing how great it is to be married, now do I?

Regards,

[berkleigh]

IMHO .... I sacrafice a REAL WORLD relationship because I can't walk away from the hobby.

I've been in a few Hobby Relationships, but it never worked out.

I always have a boyfriend(s) but I am honest about me.

Just turned 32, WAS expecting and some know, but I lost Twins and decided to leave the man I've been with for almost 2 years.

He is obsessed with "Berkleigh" but in love with the Real Me, if that makes any sense.

I am hurting him BECAUSE I won't leave the hobby for him, but really, he has been in denial for a while.

I am a handful and marriage isnt for me.

It takes a certain individual to be confident in himself to date a Provider.

They are out there...(somewhere) ... sad face =(

I will NEVER DATE ANOTHER CLIENT...bad idea!

[lisa.lisa0302]

The dating world stinks.

There is a big difference between dating and the hobby. With dating you have sacrifice alot. I like variety and dating does not provide that.

And yes with the hobby its about pleasing the client, along the way you do tend to forget what pleases you....half the time im shocked when people ask what makes me happy.

[npita]

Originally Posted by Lana Warren

It dawned on me that I was in my "Provider" mode!
[...] but do any of you ever have a problem with your "hobby" mentality when it comes to dating?

Yes. I stopped hobbying and started dating because having sex with providers who are in ``provider mode'' isn't like real sex, even a one-night stand. The difference between focussing on body parts and focussing on a person is obvious even when kissing.

[lilsmurf]

I like Berk when she is Berk, and your 2 good hands full babe, lol.
There are two or three providers that I really like them, and they like me.
but its exactly how we see each other now, which to me are dates,
so why ruin a good thing.

[Souper]

It just dawned on me that I have been going about this the wrong way.

Maybe I should ask a provider for a date (which = free) rather than an appointment (which =$$$$$)

I don't mind being told she's not the one for me.

[Randall Creed]

Yes, the hobby and dating have distinct differences, and it seems like all the cool ones favor the hobby. Dating is a pain in the ass, and I don't have the patience for it nor do I want the 'ball and chain' feeling that comes with it. The only thing I miss about having a SO is the spontaneity of sex. Sucks to have to make plans to get into some panties.

It'd be cool if a provider would magically show up every time I got a hardon.

[CenterLock]

I usually try to stay away from providers I think I would like too much in the real world. I've failed in that twice - ended up dating the first one almost 3 years before our paths diverged. It was interesting, and not what I look for at all but it was possibly the most fun I've had in the grey area that shouldn't exist between hobby and reality. My problem is that I am who I am regardless of the setting and like to know some of the woman behind the provider. Does that mean I'm blurring that line? Possibly. But even on a strictly hobby level I love to please as much as I am being pleased and that is easier if I'm not stuck with "it's my job" beginning to end. If we have fun or hit it off maybe a friendship will develop. Maybe just a repeat customer. And if not, well I'm not the only guy and you're not the only provider - no harm, no foul. I just learned a long time ago that I can't make "forever/never" rules for myself. Not knocking those that do, bit I've met some of the best people I know in some of the strangest settings.

[Guest071613-2]

I understand completely, Lana!
It's very hard for me to date, I find that with time, I get tired of being the designated 'pleaser' and having to take control BCD, which is usually what's expected, especially if they are aware of my providing. It starts to feel like work that I am not getting paid for...and then the resentment starts. So I just avoid the whole thing and don't date. When I do date, it's usually someone who is extremely dominant, which is strange considering how much I like my freedom.
They say you have to be able to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else....well I am happy by myself to the point that I don't want anyone else LOL
I'm perfectly content to have a close fuckbuddy friendship. It works for me.

[Guest082216-1]

I have dated a provider. We had a session, then went out for drinks later and just really hit it off. She decided she would like to see me as a friend rather than as a client. While we talked about the hobby/work from time to time, that did not seem to interfer. I would never have dreamed of asking her to leave the hobby nor did she ask me to not see other women or leave my wife. The biggest thing for us was, when we were together, we we there for each other just like regular people. Both of us were open with each other. She told me I was the first guy in a long time that did not judge her for what she did and made her feel like she was a special, desirable woman, not a hooker. I made sure she knew I wanted to be with her because of who she was, not what she did. She always made me feel the same way.

It can be done, but I think it takes 2 very special people to make it work. I have been with other providers & strippers that I would have been happy to go out with, but the basis of the relationship still would have been based on provider/client, not 2 real friends who cared about each other as people. When you have a close bond with someone it is natural to not want to share. You want all that good feeling for yourself. Its very hard to seperate things given how personal the hobby is. It was hard for me and had to be hard for her to switch off "provider mode" when we were together. But I never felt she was treating me as a client.

A realtionship can be found, but its very hard and rare. I was very very lucky.

[Guest030617]

awwww, i feel ya girl....sorry about the twins, you can always babysit my two kids.....the might give you a run for your money!!!

keep your head up, they are out there WE just have to find them, Im looking for my lady friend, i see enough guys!!!

Originally Posted by berkleigh

IMHO .... I sacrafice a REAL WORLD relationship because I can't walk away from the hobby.

I've been in a few Hobby Relationships, but it never worked out.

I always have a boyfriend(s) but I am honest about me.

Just turned 32, WAS expecting and some know, but I lost Twins and decided to leave the man I've been with for almost 2 years.

He is obsessed with "Berkleigh" but in love with the Real Me, if that makes any sense.

I am hurting him BECAUSE I won't leave the hobby for him, but really, he has been in denial for a while.

I am a handful and marriage isnt for me.

It takes a certain individual to be confident in himself to date a Provider.

They are out there...(somewhere) ... sad face =(

I will NEVER DATE ANOTHER CLIENT...bad idea!

[xperiment]

Originally Posted by Dannie

...I get tired of being the designated 'pleaser' and having to take control BCD, which is usually what's expected, especially if they are aware of my providing. It starts to feel like work that I am not getting paid for...and then the resentment starts. So I just avoid the whole thing and don't date. When I do date, it's usually someone who is extremely dominant, which is strange considering how much I like my freedom.
They say you have to be able to be happy by yourself before you can be happy with someone else....well I am happy by myself to the point that I don't want anyone else LOL
I'm perfectly content to have a close fuckbuddy friendship. It works for me.

Wow what an intresting perspective. The time for money and lack of the exchange becomes resentful since you have sex it is so instinctively work and not the pure pleasure of two people bonding.

I would assume that if they are dominant, it takes less thinking for you and not in the control mode to make someone happy which puts you into provider mode. Just my 2 cents.

I cannot say that I know what dating a provider is like. Although I have to agree that somewhere a line has to be drawn between the two. One the guy has to understand the difference between sex and love. Be understanding of sharing. Perhaps he may even be turned on by the fact his women is having sex with others. However which may bring a negative feedback of the provider not wanting the job fuel her private romance.

The closest I can relate is that I find myself wanting to mix and match things about providers and RL dating. Especially in the way of sex. One girl does this really well, the other does this, hoping you can just merge all them together, lol!

[Guest071613-2]

Originally Posted by xperiment

Wow what an intresting perspective. The time for money and lack of the exchange becomes resentful since you have sex it is so instinctively work and not the pure pleasure of two people bonding.

I never said it was healthy

I wouldn't say it is instinctively work, though. I guess what makes it start to seem like work and not bonding, is when they expect me to 'perform' all the time. Sometimes I enjoy getting a performance as well! When they are aware of my provider history, they expect me to be a fuck-bot, for lack of better term. It makes it hard NOT to view it as work...it is work. And working when you are supposed to be enjoying, is no fun. Make sense?