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Judge Smails · 01-19-2010, 09:11 PM

Tarzan, understood and well said

TheWanderer · 01-19-2010, 09:23 PM

In every element of life, to achieve success, you never give up. You do your homework and prepare better, you go back to the drawing board, you buckle down, pay your dues and suck it up. You may not win the world championship, but you will achieve success.....in every element of life except one....relationships.
Why? Because there are two independent planets trying to coordinate their orbits. Some people are lucky enough to find it. Others just live with the constant collisions and others spin off to another galaxy.
Tarzan, I know where you are coming from. I have an aunt and uncle both about to be 90. They have been married for over 60 years. They still rock. We all know that was a different world back then. Today's fast paced society and all the media exposure we face just makes it rare occurance.
I gave up on it about 10 realtionships ago....not saying that I'm right.

Guest012211-3 · 01-19-2010, 09:32 PM

The question is: How long are you willing to compromise your happiness for another? It's not fair to the other person.

Judge Smails · 01-19-2010, 09:38 PM

If the other person is truly happy and you are not, seems to me you are faced with a very tough decision. Sure we have all probably seen these decisions go both ways.

Guest021710-3 · 01-20-2010, 10:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nicole Preston

The question is: How long are you willing to compromise your happiness for another? It's not fair to the other person.

The fair solution would be to present the issues to the SO and give her an opportunity to remedy them within a reasonable time. At the same time, for my own sanity, I need to get off the roller coaster, watch, and see what happens.

npita · 01-20-2010, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tarzan of Dallas

Then there are those couples who have an emotional attachment to each other, are best friends, work through all of their problems, and still have regular sex into their golden years....this is what I'm looking for. These are the couples you see holding hands in public, rocking together on their porch, and acting like they are the only two people in the world when they are together...this is what I'm looking for.

If that is what you want and you're willing to do what is necessary to acheive it, then there is no reason you can't have it. I disagree with the ``best friends part, though. That is a ``feel good'' platitude. I have a best friend who will tell me that I'm an idiot or that I'm doing something stupid and she'll let the chips fall where they may. She is a provider (but I've never seen her as a client or even seen her undressed) and she told me I needed to get out of the hobby and date. She will tell me things that my fiancee could not because my best friend is not personally involved. It is a good idea to not think of your SO in the same way you think of a friend. You don't sleep with your friends (if you want them to remain friends). An SO is something more than a friend, even a best one.

I will be 52 when I get married for the first time and it really took that long and all I've been through for me to get my priorities straight to find what you are looking for.

Guest021710-3 · 01-20-2010, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by npita

I disagree with the ``best friends part, though. That is a ``feel good'' platitude.

As a result of my work, while I may not be an expert at what works...I do know a lot about what doesn't work. I get to see this daily. I have also had the fortune of meeting couples who are still blissfully happy after 40-50 years of marriage. They all acknowledge having ups and downs, however without exception, they all talk about their friendship... I'll take their advice. Maybe best friend is too much to ask, but certainly good friend is not.

After one failed marriage, I promise there will not be another. The next one is for the remainder of my life.

Pearl Man · 01-20-2010, 11:22 AM

I have learned the hard way that I suffer from the "Grass is Always Greener" syndrome. It's better for me, and especially better for any girlfriends I might have, that things be kept somewhat less than permanent. I can't stand to disappoint others and I hate to be hurt.

Lana Warren · 01-20-2010, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tarzan of Dallas

As a result of my work, while I may not be an expert at what works...I do know a lot about what doesn't work. I get to see this daily. I have also had the fortune of meeting couples who are still blissfully happy after 40-50 years of marriage. They all acknowledge having ups and downs, however without exception, they all talk about their friendship... I'll take their advice. Maybe best friend is too much to ask, but certainly good friend is not.

After one failed marriage, I promise there will not be another. The next one is for the remainder of my life.

I spent the first half of my life with someone I thought was my best friend, but now when I look back, I realize I had my head in the sand! I'll be damned if I'm going to spend the next half of my life with anyone like that again! I know my best friend is out there......and I'll find him soon!

Guest021710-3 · 01-20-2010, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lana Warren

I spent the first half of my life with someone I thought was my best friend, but now when I look back, I realize I had my head in the sand! I'll be damned if I'm going to spend the next half of my life with anyone like that again! I know my best friend is out there......and I'll find him soon!

AMEN!

lisa.lisa0302 · 01-20-2010, 12:11 PM

Hopeless romantics, i cant say my ex- was my best friend, we are not friends, but i think it would have been so much better if we were, we always found someone else to confide in when we had problems, i hate counseling, yuck, I let him do all the talking.

Im still a hopeless romantic, i don't plan on taking plunge again anytime time soon, it takes alot of work, alot compromise, and for me i better be prepared for a ready made family...single guys with no kids are rare.

otrdriver · 01-20-2010, 12:46 PM

Tarzan you seem to have entered the area that we all are in, I agree with the ladies comments, if you have a good SO hang on, they are few and far between. The other side (mine) my SO has given up on the sex due to medical reasons, we still have a good time together hold hands etc. just no sex. I travel alot so I have the chance to take care of the problem on the road. I think she knows I'm getting strange but does not ask. Women are very good at feeling that. Make your decision with a lot of thought before you jump into the melting pot of single life, it can be very lonely. If you crave the closeness of a woman you might want to make sure you are not co-dependent.!

just my .02