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Old 08-26-2010, 03:40 PM   #1
MsPrittiKitti
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Question i need your advice (ps: its a novel) :)

hi board!!

i need a little advice from you all about a couple things. i've never really felt like this before. so this i were i seek advice from you all. (i almost feel like im adding drama to the board, but im just lost and confused about this. its not like i can discuss with my bestie lol )

situation 1:
i want to publicly apologize to an old boyfriend. appearantly, i had to reschedule 3 appointments with him in a 2 year period. (in my "real" job, ive missed about that many days in a 1yr period just to being sick alone.) however, in hobbyland...im learning that is unacceptable. and upon my return, i have apologized again. and offered a very discounted session to redeem whenever. i understand, due to me having to reschedule 3appts in a 2yr period, his not wanting to see me. totally understand. hes a great guy, and if reference needed, id absolutely provide one for him.

Does this make me a bad provider? (all honesty, good or bad is appreciated. i learned this is unacceptable. i acknowledge my fault. and want to make sure i correct it)

situation 2:
i met a gent. had a couple conversations/emails, even a meeting. him being uneasy about us meeting, mixed with him being one of my first few boyfriends, made me uneasy. i didnt know if le was just reeling this newbie/naive provider in. our 1st appointment, i completely got scared. my gut feeling was telling me this isnt right. his was too uneasy/nervous about things. (i know, NOT good at all!!) However, i have made all appointments with him. even offered to cover the expense of the playroom he paid for (for our 1st meeting that i missed) as well as discounted sessions.

now present day, upon my return...i wondered how he was doing. (i "thought" we had built a friendship), read up on his post on various topics. however most seem to be negative about his experiences in the hobby. i sent him a message, and just asked how he was doing. didnt seem like he was having much fun. well after a few brief messages, he wanted to hang out again on mon. BUT i am to wait until i hear from him sun. night to schedule something. ok, no biggie. didnt hear from him. same thing mon. wanted to schedule for tues, but wanted me to wait until mon night to schedule. (i, thought i had class on tues. until someone told me id be the only one there. class started on wed.) so let him know that i would in fact be able to play tues. didnt hear from him. no biggie. wed comes around, and he wants me to be on standby. now im starting to wonder: does he really wanna schedule, or is he getting some sort of kick out of this. i only advertised id play on thurs, but considered playing on my "off" days with him. wed, no meeting. i get a message today. wants to play. ask that i call him. honestly, I was reluctant (bc of these other "on call requests"). BUT, i called him (enjoyed our time spent). no answer. sent him a pm, let him know i called. his response, thats funny, i dont have any missed calls. play later?
i feel like for some reason he has it out for me. i dont know what i could have possibly done wrong, besides the 1st appointment. ive fulfilled his "requests", ive tried to make self available when i wouldnt ordinarily be. i just dont get it. does it sound like he has intentions to play with me, or just doing this for kicks? or maybe, real world just took over? (and im reading too much into it)

in the 1st situation, i had to reschedule 3 appoints in 2yrs, and wasnt acceptable. is it acceptable for 3-4 days in a row something comes up? or is it the double standard, that hobbyist have lives (as if providers dont) and we are to jump through hoops .

im really stumped. "my" missed appointment happened awhile ago. im trying to make good what i did bad with the 1st gent. and thats the reason for this agology. with the 2nd gent, i dont know what i couldve done wrong to him.

i know this may "hurt" my reputation on the board, but hey..im only human & needed your opinions. and i know this is super long. so thanks to those that have read my novel.
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Old 08-26-2010, 04:47 PM   #2
Texas50
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Hmm....hard to say. Real 'stuff' happens I suppose. I can only speak for myself but I can't hold a grudge; especially if someone has sincerely apologized. Heck, it is hard for me to hold a grudge even when someone wrongs me and doesn't apologize. I just don't like holding on to negative feelings. Life is too short for that. I'd just shoot him an email and say, "hey, sorry our timing has been off. Let me know when things look clear for you to meet. Hope things are going well, etc..." and leave it at that. That will put the ball back into his court and you can go on knowing in your mind and heart you did all you could from your end. Hope things work out the way you want.
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Old 08-26-2010, 05:00 PM   #3
ying2yang
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I'm a little confused so let me ask a couple of questions then to clarify things.

Situation 1.

In the course of 2 years did you ever actually have sessions with him? If so about how many? I'm unclear if you actually had a session with him or just tried and cancelled on him 3 times in 2 yrs. That would kind of determine an appropriate answer in my opinion.

Situation 2:

Same question, about what sort of history have you had with the guy. You mentioned the ackwardness of the first session, but after that what sort of history do you have with him?

The reason I ask is that the past history is unclear. There is going to be a difference in how you interact with someone whom you have had one or two sessions with and someone who you have had a lot more with. In the first situation it would be a different situation if you had cancelled, had a session, cancelled, cancelled, then never really spoke to the person versus someone who you had seen 10, 20, 30 times and had to cancel 3 times on. The percentages of interactions in which it was inconvenient because you cancelled versus had a successful session is a factor. Which also go goes in the reverse, if you keep getting cancelled and rescheduled on yourself, the percentage of success vs failure is what you want to look at and see if it is worth the effort to continue.
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Old 08-26-2010, 05:36 PM   #4
MsPrittiKitti
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anwers:
1st situation, yes i did have a session with him. 1 successful session. i dont know if i had to reschedule and then had a session, or how it took place. it was soo long ago. i dont keep those kind of notes.

2nd situation,
the 1st one i didnt make. but i did make all of the other sessions. i couldnt tell you how many sessions we had, but it was quite a few. enough to were i "thought" we built an actual friendship. which was cool, bc we had a lot in common, in our "odd thoughts".

although i did try to accomodate him ALL week, he has let me know that my "lack of availability" is the only problem. if either needed a good ref, i would still provide.

this hobby thing is all about having fun!!! i wouldnt dare black ball bc "our" schedules havent aligned.

i feel better getting this off my chest. time to go have some fun!!!
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Old 08-26-2010, 09:10 PM   #5
Travelingbro
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To sum it up..... I think there is no wrong done on your part. On each situation u attempted to make it good and it appears that you canceled in advance on Sit #1. The other guy in Sit#2 is doing what you let him do... if you dont mind sitting around waithing for him day after day well then continue to do so. But, in both cases it seems like you went above and beyond. In my book no need for concern.
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Old 09-24-2010, 01:47 PM   #6
Rider-Tom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Travelingbro View Post
To sum it up..... I think there is no wrong done on your part. On each situation u attempted to make it good and it appears that you canceled in advance on Sit #1. The other guy in Sit#2 is doing what you let him do... if you dont mind sitting around waithing for him day after day well then continue to do so. But, in both cases it seems like you went above and beyond. In my book no need for concern.

I agree with my TraveliingBro. As long as you tried to make things right, all is good.
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Old 09-24-2010, 02:21 PM   #7
Mokoa
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Situation 1...

No, what happened does not make you a bad provider. Your cancellations were necessary.

Situation 2...

The guy is obviously jerking you around. It is no longer worth you time or effort. Move on.
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