Lousy Secretary

[M_Star]

I have an absolutely lousy secretary - totally incompetent, can't spell, can't take messages correctly, couldn't file a nail. However, she is hotter than hell, dresses very seductively, and exudes sexuality. Her performance review is coming up, so i thought it would be fun to ask this group what "disciplinary" actions she should be subject to.Special Note: No employment laws or company policies will be violated in the real world. And for you dirtbags, there are no pictures of her.

[charlestudor2005]

I deal with employment issues on a regular basis.

Termination is the answer. Make sure you have documented all the shit she can't do. If she's as hot as you say, she'll land on her feet (or back, as the case may be).

Would you put up with this kind of performance with a Plain Jane or Ugly Betty? You should treat them the same.

[ICU 812]

If this is a "Real world" problem that needs a real solution, then
Charlestudor is spot-on. Document her faults and can her.

However, if this is in the arena of the mind . . . .


She needs to be put on "A Growth Plan" with a Directive letter in her file detaiing what she must do to retain her job.

Some changes to her conditions of employmentmightbe in order as well:

A no inder-wear derss code might be a start.
Frequent training sessions in sword swallowing.
A cavity search instead of coffee break—alternating with oral exams.
Clothing-optional Monday.
Lingere Wednesday.
Facial Friday.
Lots of night work.


Is any of this helping?

[b2flyer51]

I'm about 94% sure this was tongue in check . . . so I'll go with "special dress code" days!

Flyer

[M_Star]

No offense, but I probably wouldn't consult with the ECCIE membership on real-world employment issues. Just exploring here in "Another Realm."

[Guest050911]

I go with this... Performance review needs to be a document... Here is your deficiencies, and Performance improvement plan. If she is a slut suck-ratary then you need to give her a complete "Blow by Blow" feedback of how she is performing.

When writing your "Performance Improvement Plan"... Be sure to start with a list of specific goals to achieve as she earns back her place under your desk.

It is all about keeping her in line, immediate feedback and punishment / rewards...

PPE

[TexasStarr]

I'm not M_Star's secretary....... I'm his chat wife...

If he would only come home he could get more then that damn secretary could ever offer him.

[rednecksatyr]

"Do not dip thy quill in company ink." Sage advice which I ignored once a few years ago. The secretary was a complete failure in the job performance required in the position she held.

Unfortunately the after hours activities began before it became evident that she simply didnt have the ability to do the job. It played havoc with the entire office force.

I had to carefully document her job performance and her lack of interest in a remedial training program to be able to discharge her in such a manner that she had no recourse but accept the pink slip.

Her after hours skills were outstanding.

[Bliss]

Watch the movie "The Secretary" with James Spader and Maggie Gylenhall, you will know exactly what to do.

[M_Star]

Thanks to those who provided appropriate, on topic responses.

For the rest of you:
Of course I fired her. Can't have that level of incompetence in the Company.
Then I hired her - as my personal assistant / slave.
She's now mine and your lack of creativity means you can't have her.

[Guest080311-2]

I think she might need strick rules to follow everyday...
And give her guildlines to obey..
if they are not met, then punish her...you wil know when she is lying...
mmm
Thats Hot!!

[Guest050911]

I need to get a better one, mine disappears for days.

She is damn disorganized and cannot seem to keep her schedule up to date....

PPE

[Guest080311-2]

OH My!! Well you know what to do about that...
I guess shes in Trouble!
You should give her another chance....
one more...???

[Original Squeegie]

Originally Posted by M_Star

Thanks to those who provided appropriate, on topic responses.

For the rest of you:
Of course I fired her. Can't have that level of incompetence in the Company.
Then I hired her - as my personal assistant / slave.
She's now mine and your lack of creativity means you can't have her.

I was following this to see how it panned out, didn't have anything meaningful to add.

If in fact you were able to get her out of the work place but retain her for personal interaction, kudos to you! If only we could do this with every attractive and seductive woman we ran across. . .

[Guest050911]

Hmmmm,

Laeya, do you think I should? She does frustrate me so. So disorganized, and so behind on her communications...

I will give her one more chance, but a remediation plan is in order. Will have to draft that. Pay have to put her into my sensory deprivation program. And of course, extra disipline.

PPE