Fetish & Specific Requests

[Guest032514-1]

It's hard isn't it? For both client and provider. There is that fine line: "How do I ask without asking? Tell what I want without specifics?" without going into what might be "legal" territory.

Bottomline: Even if expectations/requests aren't discussed beforehand, it takes all of 3 seconds to say "Are you okay with this?" Definitely not cool to spring it. If all else fails, stop the session and talk.

[Rebecca Love]

Originally Posted by Nina Rae

I can be into fetish as much as the next girl...but a little heads up, if you please.

Exactly. I think most of us are willing to go from vanilla to kink in about 3 seconds with a verified respectful client. I've had some pretty, um, interesting requests and have no problem obliging within reason. Those are usually the sessions that end with me thinking: "OMG, that was so much fun I cannot believe I get paid to do this!!!" The key is discussing it beforehand. It does not have to be an x-rated sexual discussion. He could have avoided this problem simply be asking: "hey, are you into verbal insults or humiliation?" Sounds like he just wanted to take advantage of you and deal with the consequences later.
You absolutely cannot do safe fetish play (IMHO) without discussing limits first. Psychological safety is just as important as physical safety. Verbal insults are on my list of psychological limits because quite frankly, it hurts my feelings. I can take someone smacking my ass a hell of a lot easier than I can handle verbal insults. I would venture to guess that many providers feel the same way.
No amount of money in the world is worth feeling bad about yourself after a session. I'm glad you turned him down for the next time.

[LilRed]

Knowledge is power!!!

Knowing BEFORE hand is always a good thing. I feel that if a client has been verified by another provider and all the screening has been done, it is ok to discuss these things before the date takes place. It helps the provider to be in the right mind set and allows her to have all the necessary toys, outfits and what-nots needed for such a request.

This is another reason reviews are so important. A client can search the reviews to see if his interests has been listed in any of them. Then he will know that the provider will be open to what he is looking for.

I think that most of us as providers are open to role play and fetishes if we know that is what a client is wanting. To be caught off guard can be uncomfortable for both of us. I list BDSM and Fetishes on my showcase in hopes that the client will actually READ it and see in advance that I enjoy these kinds of activities.

But to be a good provider we have to know that there will be curve balls thrown at us all the time...it's how you handle the situation that makes the difference. Nina, you did great to have not known that humiliation was what turned this guy on. As strange as it may seem, there are a lot of men who get off on it. Kudo's to you for keeping your cool!!!

[gimme_that]

Im not really into fetishes at all. But as far as specific services are concerned I wont book unless she has reviews with my favorite acronyms or if its clearly availiable via links on her site. A lady p411 profile that is fully filled out saves me the hassle most times. But I understand why ladies dont fill those portions out...... But not really cause the links to their reviews have the services sometimes attached in the review!

After getting screened and verified its beyond a pain to not be able to inquire about things then. I understand some ladies are just being cautious, but at that point if she isnt accommodating I take it she wont be so accommodating in session either.

[April Showers]

I am about as open and free thinking as you can get but give me a heads up before you spring something mean on me.

If some one has a special request or kink I am more than happy to discuss it after I have them verified or in person during session.

Seems to me he enjoyed taking you by surprise..probably wanted to see the authentic look of surprise on your face and boosted his arousal.

[jn965]

This is all about respect! I am coming at it from the other side (client so to speak) and I would never treat anybody any way that I would not want to be treated myself. If I were you I would have walked out when he started his BS! Babe, some things are NOT WORTH THE $$

[Nina Rae]

Originally Posted by jn965

This is all about respect! I am coming at it from the other side (client so to speak) and I would never treat anybody any way that I would not want to be treated myself. If I were you I would have walked out when he started his BS! Babe, some things are NOT WORTH THE $$

Thanks. It wasn't really a money issue...with me it rarely is. I just don't like the idea of walking out on someone who has paid for the session and hasn't really hurt me in any way. I wasn't hurt by the words at all. He's a guy I just met, so his snap judgments really aren't of any consequence to me. It was just annoying to deal with while "working". We've since talked via email and he said he had no idea that I didn't know what was going to be up. Whatever. Either way, he gets that I'm done with him. Whew!

[CRISTY-CUPPS]

I agree with lil Red if you are already screened~Ask away! The only dumb question is the one that is not asked.

Now Im not gonna have phone sex with you before a session ever takes place,
but a email with a specific question is no problem.

I DO NOT like surprises..I want to be able to prepare for a fetish or special session
and also there may be Xtra fees involved for GS or special requests. you never know until you ask right?

[Nicolet]

Thank you Cristy! My favorite saying!