Sex Jokes?

[Guest082216-1]

I know, sex is not something to joke about, but just in case....

One of my fav sex jokes:

What is the best part about a blow job?
The 10 minutes of silence

Another:
How tall is the perfect woman?
Waist high with a flat head to rest the beer on.

Hay, I did not say they were good jokes!

[cptjohnstone]

Originally Posted by Bubba3452

I know, sex is not something to joke about, but just in case....

One of my fav sex jokes:

What is the best part about a blow job?
The 10 minutes of silence

Another:
How tall is the perfect woman?
Waist high with a flat head to rest the beer on.

Hay, I did not say they were good jokes!

I thought it was a great joke

[Mr No Confidence]

Originally Posted by cptjohnstone

I thought it was a great joke

Haha, I laughed also.

[Guest082216-1]

A very drunk guy is wandering through the park on his way home one night. He staggers upon a young man doing push ups next to the path. He makes his way over to the young man and says "Hay buddy, your drunker than I am! Your girlfriend already left!!!"

[Jasser]

Sex jokes.....I have one, kind of...

My cousin calls me up and says "Hey, you busy"?
Me - No, why what's up?
Cousin - I wanted to come by there to talk about something with you
me - yeah, come on
Cousin - I'm thinking about asking (lady's name here) to marry me.
me - What? Why would you do that?
Cousin - I figured it's that time...We've been together for a long time, I love her...I really have no complaints. Plus, (here's the punchline) with us married and living together, I would have sex when I wanted.

We all know what really happens.

[Guest082216-1]

When the guy is saying "I Do" at the wedding, the bride is thinking "not any more"

[Guest082216-1]

more:

2 drunks were standing at a whorehouse door. The first drunk said: 'I heard these broads have the clap and that none of them would think twice about stealing every penny we've got.' The 2ed drunk said: 'Not so loud, or they won't let us in'

What's the similarity between walking a tightrope and getting a blow job from an 80 year old woman? In both cases, you don't really want to look down

[krusty]

[Guest082216-1]

How do you know when a male porn star is working at the gas station?

Just before the gas stops pumping, he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car

[Guest082216-1]

Why does a penis have a hole in the end?

So men can be open minded!

Have a great and safe weekend all

[Guest082216-1]

Did you hear Monica Lewinsky turned Republican? Yea, the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth!

[Guest082216-1]

A man told his friends at work that his wife had given him an ultimatum: No sex till he quit smoking.
'How long doyou think you can hold out?' his friends asked.
He answered: 'Till my girlfriend dies or I get arthritus of the wrist'

[Guest082216-1]

How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?

Call her and tell her

[Guest082216-1]

"Hi darling" breathed an obscene phone caller. "If you can guess whats in my hand, I will give you a peice of the action!".

"Listen chum", said the woman on the other end "If you can hold it in one hand, I ain't interested!"

[Charlie Brown]

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot replies, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"WOW!" the guy exclaims. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?", the guy asks, "Then answer this. How do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my willie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow" says the guy, "you really can understand and speak English, can't you!?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports,physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst" says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful.

The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes "Psssssssssssst" and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy. "When the postman delivered today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nighty and kissed him passionately."

"WHAT?!" the guy asks incredulously. "Then what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nighty and began petting her all over" reported the parrot.

"My God!" he exclaims. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nighty, got down on his knees and began to lick her all over, starting with her breasts and slowly going down . . ."

"WELL???" demands the frantic guy, "THEN WHAT
HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know! I got a hard-on and fell
off my perch!"