At various times and ages, I have been told
1. I would go blind if I
did NOT play with
Mary Five-Fingers. {A Lee Marvin joke from the movie
Paint Your Wagon}
2. Masturbation is loving the person you love most. [Woody Allen. And why is this skinny nerdy guy who seduced his step daughter called 'Woody'?]
3. Masturbation is good for the prostate. [serious comment from an MD]
And nikki, if you will wait on the floor momentarily, I shall gladly lend you a hand and whatever other body part you desire to help you arise from your fall and restore your naughty spirits.
In the words of that late great American philosopher, Nipsy Russel,
"Up with mini skirts and down with hot pants!"
LTGTR!
rr