Sensual Domination

[Tiffani Jameson]

Originally Posted by yourslave

Male submissives hail from all walks of life and many are assertive, confident people in everyday life. I have also heard tales of extremely powerful men enjoying femdom in private.

I have had this debate with people before. They seem concerned that the games of sexual domination I like to play could somehow harm me psychologically. I have always argued vehemently that it does no harm and has never held me back. I am my own person and have a successful career and life. I guess if you were to choose to make it an all encompassing lifestyle thing, then THAT would be a problem to reconcile with your inner self. Othwerwise, as a fetish, I don't see the harm, if kept between you and your partner(s).

I would have to agree. What most don't understand about the Domme/sub relationship is to NOT THINK about who has the upper hand. To have someone give you control is to be in a position of trust. Therefore when a command is spoken, you know that what you're told to do is in the best interest of you both. No one is in danger of dying or being hurt beyond what they're capable of taking. It's like stress relief for those wound too tight in their every day life.

To open your mind to sensual domination is to open your mind to the beauty and awesomeness of your partner. It includes body worship, lots of teasing and prolonging of pleasure, and other fun stuff. This is something the right woman could entrance you into no matter what your sexual style is, and you wouldn't even notice it.

I would definitely recommend reading more about the acts, but the mind frame is definitely more important. It's something that you may find that you naturally possess.

Have fun!

[Guest042611]

Originally Posted by Becky

Secretary is about the only mainstream movie dealing with this fetish that not only did not sell out, but also handled the characters as real people who were allowed to stay true to their desires.

Funny, Mary Gaitskill (author of the short story "Secretary," on which the film was based) wasn't too pleased with the film adaptation. She said that it was a Pretty Woman ending. I liked the movie though, most of all because it got me turned on to Gaiskill who is now my favorite author.

[Katy Alexander]

Originally Posted by Natalie

Funny, Mary Gaitskill (author of the short story "Secretary," on which the film was based) wasn't too pleased with the film adaptation. She said that it was a Pretty Woman ending. I liked the movie though, most of all because it got me turned on to Gaiskill who is now my favorite author.

She is also one of my favorites.Her novels are good, but her short stories are great.I always wondered what she thought of the movie .The movie has a far more romantic twist to it, but for her to call it another Pretty Woman was a little harsh lol.I had read the story many years before the movie came out, and I liked it , but I loved the movie because they were finally able to show a d&s relationship in a healthy non PC manner.Also on a more personal level, it is very rare that I am able to identify with romantic movies.This one will always hold a special place in my heart , because I never thought they would devote a romance to a neurotic ex cutter with submissive tendacys. ( It's a fairly small demographic )

They had to add a lot more content to the movie because the short story was all of 20 pages.I suppose if they really stuck with the story the movie would have been about 15 minutes long. And that is just not enough time to stare at James Spader.

The movie, and the story that inspired it are so different in content , and message. It is easy to understand why she was unhappy.

[ElisabethWhispers]

Originally Posted by discreetgent

From what I understand, on a physical level, the endorphin rush when a scene really works is out of this world. On a mental level, what some submissives have explained to me, when done right there is a mindspace the person goes into that makes it worth it, they couldn't really explain in terms I could get what that was.

You're right. Although I had a fairly good knowledge of this world before I became an escort, I just didn't get it. At all. I like to read dirty books, and I'll freely admit it. So I had read all sorts of literary trash.

Still, didn't get the pain part. I liked the aggressiveness of a male because well, it's just a part of me. A man being a man is just ... well, you know.

It wasn't until I was trying to understand a friend of mine's desires that I tried a few things myself. Plus, since I'm older and bigger, a lot of men would ask me to dominate them.

I still didn't get it. Until I switched gears and accidentally, was completely dominated by a man. Leather belt and all.

Holy Trampling Testicles. What happens is you sink INTO the sensations as things happen. When the partner is experienced, he or she can gauge by your reaction how to fine tune responses. Sometimes it's tough because someone might say, "Oh, I can take a lot", and in truth, they cannot. So sometimes it's hard to tell.

From a submissive standpoint, you can get into this "sub space" and it's just a real high feeling that doesn't leave when the door closes behind the person who did it. There is also a sensation from the top as well.

But the submissive gets a release that is only possible by this type of action. Sure, orgasms are great. I prefer BOTH...but it's the whole mental and physical journey that makes it highly addictive.

The feeling can stay with you for more than a day. Also, you can have a complete drop and experience some depression with thoughts of "What in the fuck did I just do"? Or just that endorphin drop. That can be a little hard to handle. It's just complicated.

And although this is somewhat a shameless plug for "another realm", you will note that the posters in that forum are completely polite and well behaved. There is almost NO moderating at all except for participation.

It was like that on the other board. I think I saw, in about four years of looking at the dungeon section, maybe one thread that was closed. Nothing else that I remember.

So the people that function and thrive in this darker environment tend of have a different outlook on the way this is presented. And I don't believe that I'm making any sense.

But the fact that "another realm" is so polite and provocative doesn't surprise me one bit. In fact, it's just what I expect.

Elisabeth

[ElisabethWhispers]

Originally Posted by Tiffani Jameson

I would have to agree. What most don't understand about the Domme/sub relationship is to NOT THINK about who has the upper hand. To have someone give you control is to be in a position of trust. Therefore when a command is spoken, you know that what you're told to do is in the best interest of you both. No one is in danger of dying or being hurt beyond what they're capable of taking. It's like stress relief for those wound too tight in their every day life.

To open your mind to sensual domination is to open your mind to the beauty and awesomeness of your partner. It includes body worship, lots of teasing and prolonging of pleasure, and other fun stuff. This is something the right woman could entrance you into no matter what your sexual style is, and you wouldn't even notice it.

I would definitely recommend reading more about the acts, but the mind frame is definitely more important. It's something that you may find that you naturally possess.

Have fun!

I would also suggest in some ways, it's the submissive who is making the rules to a certain point. You have to stay within the boundaries of her/his choosing, pretty much. Unless you get into slavery, which is another topic.

Trying to please your submissive (sometimes) is a pain in the ass. Or can be. Especially if they're strong minded and want what they want. Then, they start topping from the bottom. Which when it happens, I want to get out a gag.

Elisabeth

[guest012511]

Thank you all for your lovely insight.

I have taken many of the comments into kind consideration and have started my own research. My first Barnes & Nobles shipment has arrived with the following:



Again, I thank you all.

Cheers,
Hanna

[RickO'shayRabbitt]

Originally Posted by Marcus Aurelius

How could a woman ever respect a man that submits? Respect yourself?

How could a woman ever respect a man who is honest enough to admit that he likes the submissive role; how can a woman enjoy the intimacy and trust that such a declaration requires? How can a woman enjoy pleasing the man she loves in a way that brings him closer to her than either of them thought possible?

Yeah, you don't get it.

[Marcus Aurelius]

Yep. I don't get it.