Pro Domme

[RickO'shayRabbitt]

I admit it! My curiosity and desire got the better of me. Against all my judgement, I made an appointment to see a pro domme. You know the kind, right? They advertise on BP in the domination section. Almost all, if not all, say the same thing: No Sex. So I can't accuse anyone of lying.

But, geez, there was nothing sexual whatsoever about the encounter. Kiss your shoes? Uh, yeah, sure. You wanna sit on my face? Well, I'd like it better if you weren't wearing a suit of armor. Do I like your breasts? I dunno. I can't see them thru the Madonna bra. I am worthless man? Ok, if you say so. My cock is tiny? Well, no shit, honey, cause you ain't doing a damn thing to turn me on. It's sound asleep!

Ya'll get my drift? Anyway, like I say, no false advertising or anything but what a worthless experience for me. I understand the no sex. I am fine with that. But there should be something sexual about the experience, you know sexy lingerie, maybe even if a bit of nudity, touching....something!!!!!!!!

So, why isn't there something in between the Pro Domme who offers.....lol, whatever.......... to the provider who says she can do a domme session but really doesn't quite get it?

Here endeth the rant.

[Guest052115-1]

Many moons ago my curiosity got the best of me too. I tried it when I lived in a big city. Same thing, but mine was a little more sexual than what you are describing and I was allowed to j/o at the end. Had to wait for her to tell me when I could finish. Overall I was glad that I tried it, but its not for me.

[Krunkman]

The issue you find is that "true" prodommes are about the power exchange, while provider dommes are basically trying to spread there legs, err, I mean offer more opportunities for clients to give them money.

It really depends on what you are looking for. Some guys want the true domme experience where there is skillful bondage, whippings, etc. Some guys just want kinky sex. It sounds like you are in the latter category Barney... Nothing wrong with that, but you did ask what the difference is all about.

One thing I've not really adjusted to is how defensive the pro's are about their territory.. and the fact that they (well, some not all) have this chip on their shoulder that submissive pig that you are, you better not fucking give them a script or tell them what you want done, cause they'll just kick your ass out (maybe after they've taken your cash).

It's a different world, that's for sure. And it's not for everybody.

If you are looking for some ladies in the Dallas area PM me and I can give you some leads.

[enigma878]

Having seen Pro Dommes for over twenty years, i can tell you that in most cases, they did not have the capacity or talent to take me where i wanted to be in my mind. It's like anything else, there is only a small number that rise to the top level.

[Guest050715-1]

Originally Posted by Krunkman

The issue you find is that "true" prodommes are about the power exchange, while provider dommes are basically trying to spread there legs, err, I mean offer more opportunities for clients to give them money.........

Absolutely not! In fact, I want everyone mutually happy. My fee is for my time not anything else. I would not consider my self a domme, but I do have several clients that enjoy being dominated. I’d rather get some info ahead of time as to what they really want or they end up getting what I think they want which isn’t necessarily the case. See, that’s what bars me from being a true domme. If I were, I’d be able to get into the head of my partner and twist.

[Shackle]

I just do not think that a prodomme can provide the same experience that an experienced provider can who also understands the art of dominance.

[Hot to Trot Daphne]

Originally Posted by Shackle

I just do not think that a prodomme can provide the same experience that an experienced provider can who also understands the art of dominance.

After all the debate on this, in other threads of course, someone who understands. Yes some providers are wannabes and only add this to their repertoire because someone requested it of them, or just to make more $$. Then there are those to whom domination comes naturally, practices it as a lifestyle, and understands the technique and principle behind it. Anything other than, IMHO, is just pretending. It is true, jack of all trades, master of none, but in this instance one can be skillful at both.

Hence the term sensual domination.

[Krunkman]

Originally Posted by OliviaHoward

Absolutely not! In fact, I want everyone mutually happy. My fee is for my time not anything else. I would not consider my self a domme, but I do have several clients that enjoy being dominated. I’d rather get some info ahead of time as to what they really want or they end up getting what I think they want which isn’t necessarily the case. See, that’s what bars me from being a true domme. If I were, I’d be able to get into the head of my partner and twist.

That's why I differentiated between "true" dommes and provider dommes. Those are just generalizations, and like with everything else, there are always exceptions to the rule, as well as individuals who are on the edge of the sample/example.

"True" dommes who play professionally don't engage in vaginal sex, though a number do play strap-on, while many others won't even let their client jack off during a session. It's completely up to the individual domme, and sometimes the local laws as well. I've known some dommes who won't advertise strap-on, and in your first session they keep it strictly legal. But if you go back a 2nd (or 3rd) then some level of trust builds up and they might be open to offering you more variety, though still not of the sexual type.

I've seen the influx of young girls going to Hot Topic and buying their Mistress outfit, then going to the local bookstore and buying some shitty restraints and offering theirselves up as a "Pro" Domme... When in fact they really don't have a clue as to what they are doing. They typically attract the person who a) doesn't know what is going on, or b) the male who tries to manipulate them into doing other things with the lure of money. It's the $$ that draw people into pro work. Which is ok if that is fine with both parties, but my experience over the last few decades leads me to believe that iits much better for both parties when they are mutually into the scene and truly enjoy playing with one another. No matter what, its never quite the same when you are on a schedule. Deadlines can really ruin a scene that's just starting to unfold.

But hey, that's the way the bizness works, right?

[Guest050613-02]

Originally Posted by Krunkman

its much better for both parties when they are mutually into the scene and truly enjoy playing with one another. No matter what, its never quite the same when you are on a schedule. Deadlines can really ruin a scene that's just starting to unfold.

I think this is true whether it be a GFE session, date night with the wife, or a 24/7 slave in training. Nothing kills the mood like this response to the command, "Lick my boot, pet." "Yes Sir... but I have to pick up the kids from carpool in 15 minutes."

Now, back on topic: Why is it that femme domming is all about pleasure denied and not listening to what the sub wants? Like Kruck said,

Originally Posted by Krunkman

One thing I've not really adjusted to is how defensive the pro's are about their territory.. and the fact that... submissive pig that you are, you better not fucking give them a script or tell them what you want done, cause they'll just kick your ass out...

That is not how I top. I would never throw a flogger without knowing its sting first; never fasten a clip without having been under it's power. I certainly wouldn't go into a scene without learning about my sub's buttons & turn-on's. And I would NEVER go to a pro domme knowing that there is absolutely no chance of release.

This review http://www.eccie.net/showthread.php?...highlight=bdsm like the OP's experience, seems to be the norm for pro dommes for hire. Who wants that? I mean, if I want to have my wishes ignored while the TV is blaring in the background I can just ask the wife to blow me.

There: pleasure denial & it did not cost me a dime.

[RickO'shayRabbitt]

My experience (albeit a one timer) is that the Pro Domme had her ideas of what domination is and that was the end of it. No discussion, no regard for my pleasure, etc. After all, I suppose, a true sub is only about pleasing their Mistress. Perhaps. But come on. I'm not a submissive in every aspect of my life. In fact, I am not sub at all unless I have an erection to beat the band and the woman is hotter than July. Not all women are superior to me. But the ones who are, I want to be reminded by them that I am lucky to be with them and want to amuse them as much as I want to be used by them. But, calling me a sub might not be accurate. I think I am just more playfully kinky, with a preference for the sub role.

I've thought a little about this. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to dominate someone who is a complete stranger to you. I dated a lady for awhile, and she was sub in the bedroom. But it took me quite awhile to find that area where I could be the right mix of dom and sexual to her. So with a stranger? Very difficult. In fact, I think the words domination and submission mean different things to each individual. To many, the stereotype of leather, bondage, whips, masks is the genre. To me, the props are irrelevant. It's what is going on between the ears that counts.

Anyway, I appreciate the conversation here.

[Krunkman]

Originally Posted by barneyrubble

My experience (albeit a one timer) is that the Pro Domme had her ideas of what domination is and that was the end of it. No discussion, no regard for my pleasure, etc. After all, I suppose, a true sub is only about pleasing their Mistress. Perhaps. But come on. I'm not a submissive in every aspect of my life. In fact, I am not sub at all unless I have an erection to beat the band and the woman is hotter than July. Not all women are superior to me. But the ones who are, I want to be reminded by them that I am lucky to be with them and want to amuse them as much as I want to be used by them. But, calling me a sub might not be accurate. I think I am just more playfully kinky, with a preference for the sub role.

I've thought a little about this. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to dominate someone who is a complete stranger to you. I dated a lady for awhile, and she was sub in the bedroom. But it took me quite awhile to find that area where I could be the right mix of dom and sexual to her. So with a stranger? Very difficult. In fact, I think the words domination and submission mean different things to each individual. To many, the stereotype of leather, bondage, whips, masks is the genre. To me, the props are irrelevant. It's what is going on between the ears that counts.

Anyway, I appreciate the conversation here.

This is where the true pro's earn their pay. A domme who has experience (and isn't too full of herself to actually listen to her customer) is going to take a little bit of time to first get to know you and discuss some basic ideas of your likes and dislikes, as well as what limits you might have as well as what is dangerous (high blood pressure, bad joints, etc). She's then going to formulate a basic plan for the session. This is assuming that very little prior communcation or discussion has taken place.

Then once she starts the session she's going to do her best to read your body language, watching for signs of things that work, and those that don't. It's definitely not easy, because you can give off mixed signals. But good ones (and I've met a few) can indeed watch, ask, and do things that help them read your reactions. They'll also either very obviously or in the background, monitor things like your wrists and other areas for discoloration that could indicate blood flow issues. Or listen to your breathing for signs of distress.

The good dommes that I know won't engage in serious play the first time they meet you anyway - especially if you get into heavy play, blood sports or anything else of that nature. They realize that they need to get to know you better before starting such activities.

If the lady you meet follows these sorts of protocols then you know you've met some of the better ones in the business and that they are worth your repeat business, if possible.

[Spaulding Smails]

good thread!

[Guest061511-2]

I think you can find what you are looking for if you do extensive research and communicate. Ask detailed questions about what the encounter will be like. Let her know what your expectations are; what your idea of a perfect session would be like. Although, that is part of the domme's job to bring you to a perfect session by her imagination when you don't exactly know what you want. Maybe tell her that you have had negative experiences in the past. You could ask for references from former clients perhaps? If she is not willing to be patient and cover all of these things with you...NEXT. Although, I do understand that all those questions might be seen as time wasting to a provider, domme, or one who does both. Part of the problem lies in integrity, IMO. A person should have enough integrity to inform you if it is something beyond there scope of practice.

[Guest032514-1]

When I get a request for a Domme date, I know the score.

When I get a request for a pro Domme date, my sub knows the score.

They are similar, but are definitely not at all alike.

[runswithscissors]

You yourself must know what you want......You cannot just decide, hey, I want to see a pro-dom today and see what it is all about.

Research, research and search again. Communication between both parties is essential.

You must know to what level you wish to aspire to. You will never acheive this in one visit as you may with visiting a provider dom. It will take many visits to learn your true limits and expectations.

It is a lifestyle, not the latest fashion. You wear it well or not at all...