the FWB myth?

[advanceofbrokenarm]

(OK, I'm not sure is this is the right forum for this question. Based on other threads, it appears to be a general grab bag of topics anyway, so here goes.)

How would you approach a co-worker about taking a genuine friendship to another level? You've developed a really good rapport with this person, but keep in mind you both have a SO and you are, after all co-workers so if feelings turned out not to be mutual - it may be an awkward workplace for the foreseeable future.

Is there a subtle way to approach this situation? Or do you just throw caution to the wind and just throw it out there? Is the concept of the FWB truly just a myth and do they will ALL end up in drama in the end?

This comes from a generally shy person, especially when it comes to these sorts of "approaches". Which is why I hobby. And yes, I do realize that the large part of this hobby is to avoid situations like this, but damnit ... this woman is really really ... really ....... nice.

Thoughts?

[atlcomedy]

Keep it out of the workplace period.

If you are a cook at Bennigans and want to hook up with a server there, go for it...

but I'm working under the assumption you are talking about a professional office setting and value your career...

[runswithscissors]

I believe I mentioned going to hell in a handbasket in another thread recently.......

Has this person expressed an interest in playing around? you are risking a friendship at work, possibly your job, respect of your peers at work, and possibly your marriage if it got out, which it usually does.

It is all fine and good to lust after a co-worker, a wonderful afternoon fantasy, but I have never seen a FWB work out with aquaintances I have known.

You stated you are a shy guy; I think if you really wanted to pursue a FWB scenario,there are avenues to explore such as message boards, etc. to find someone looking for the same things you are.

I don't feel the workplace is the way go. It sounds like you have developed a very good frienship with this person; don't lose sight of that.........

just my thoughts.........

[advanceofbrokenarm]

Thanks fellas for helping me think with the right ... brain. I guess it does look like a disaster waiting to happen doesn't it? LOL. Anyway to delete a thread?

[runswithscissors]

Its all good, advance....no need to delete a thread, that is what this little community is all about, a free exchange of thoughts and ideas, sometimes thinking with the head on your shoulders, sometimes with the head downstairs.........

[am-a-pleaser]

I had a FWB relationship outside the office. Both of us with SO's at the time. It worked out well for many months. When it ended, no drama from either of us. No one ever found out. We both enjoyed it.

Prior to that, I had a workplace FWB. The short verison - it worked out well. She and I had SO's at the time. I tested the waters one day at work by touching her chest just above her breasts. She smiled. About a week later, we went to a meeting together. After the meeting, we drove back to the office for her to get her car. I reached over, pulled her to me. We shared a deep kiss.

Our FWB lasted for a couple of years. When she went to work elsewhere, we still saw each other, just not as much. She and her SO split up. She wanted me to split up also. That didn't happen. Never any drama. We stayed discreet the entire time.

I think my situation is the exception. These days, caution is the key is workplace.

I had another opportunity to become involved in the workplace, but I avoided the advances the other lady was making even though I was very attracted to her.

[John Bull]

Originally Posted by am-a-pleaser

I think my situation is the exception. These days, caution is the key is workplace.

I've done it and though I escaped real home retribution, it did end badly when the lady expected workplace favors that weren't due based on her performance.

I've also seen some real trainwrecks. Wouldn't do it again!

[atlcomedy]

Originally Posted by John Bull

I've done it and though I escaped real home retribution, it did end badly when the lady expected workplace favors that weren't due based on her performance.

I've also seen some real trainwrecks. Wouldn't do it again!

Actually JB I think the favors she requested had everything to do with her performance just not the one she gave with her clothes on

I also think the threadstarter used the FWB term outside its normal meaning...this is CWWB or "co-workers with benefits" which is a whole different can of worms...and as pointed out like playing with fire.

I always thought FWB was just social friends that would sometimes have sex, although not in a committed relationship. Sometimes you actually have common interests (hence the friend part) so you might enjoy the same social events or run around in the same social circles (& @ the end of the night end up in bed). You might also serve as a date for each other at events where dates are typical (e.g your cousin's wedding). True FWB can be great for both parties. It is kind of like having an ATF and not needing to leave an envelope....