Now, I don't know anyones religion here. Probably a huge mix. Buddhists, Baptists, Mormons...hell I don't know. Probably some atheists mixed in...(I've always thought atheists were just cheap bastards trying to save that 10% tithe to put in their hobby fund)...not not a bad idea..."Hey God, I'm gonna skip the donation plate this week, my ATF needs to make rent...you understand, right?"
So, my plans got changed late this afternoon & wound up having an evening free. It was such a beautiful afternoon I skipped out of work a bit early to beat the traffic, jumped on the bike, and headed out east & then north. For the geographically impaired, roughly Austin, west to Taylor North & then back west...the country out that way is largely farming country, and late spring is lush with corn fields for miles...bright green juxtaposed against the landscape...70's-80's temps are PERFECT for rolling off some serious power and seeing if I can keep from getting that 3rd ticket in the past 2 years....(all in car, can take the bike from 100 to 55 in just a couple seconds, so its hard to catch me speeding on it)...
So am blowing through the windies...got the ipod cranked with some driving tunez...wind blowing and the air is sooo sweet!
Am closing in on this truck with a bunch of containers in the back on a tow behind trailer...again, its farming country so not unusual...its a two lane road and am just getting ready to downshift and blow him away, but I see him creeping towards the shoulder...spidey sense kicks in so I back off the throttle a bit, and sure ehough the back wheels on the trailer catch the edge of the road...I see dirt, grass fly...so throttle down even more to let the cloud clear....(kind of like in racing when you see a huge smoke screen up ahead & wait for it to clear to make sure there is nothing in the way).
Welllll, the impact shakes up some of the containers in the back and I see this huge blast of (water?) shoot into the sky.
Have you ever had that moment in time...where you SEE what is happening? Its very defined...you have adaquate time to process it...but you KNOW you have no time to react? So you just brace for the inevitable...
And I'm thinking as I close on this liquid wall..."this is going to be refreshing"...see, I am in jeans, boots, a sleeveless shirt (as I continue on my inevitable quest to aquire advanced skin cancer at some point)...
It hits...and instantaneously I KNOW "Hmmmm this ain't water"...it covers the bike, windsheild, visor, arms, legs, crotch...(yeah, I know).
And I am supremely aware...always have been...but I couldn't discern if this was 89 or 91 octane...only that it was gas...diesel has a distinct oily feel and taste...
And dear readers, if I didn't know I was slightly warped before now (and I did) this certainly put an asterisk on that fact...my THOUGHT as I realized I was covered in gas, that my high compression 4 cylinder missle with its very hot exhaust pipes was a spark away from ignition, I harkened back to my childhood when we would play superheroes...and I thought-just as my favorite cartoon super hero Fantastic Four Alumni Johnny "Human Torch"
Storm "FLAME ON"!!! 
I had this vision of igniting & flying across the pristine coutryside, a meteor of flames making a slight "Puff" sound on impact...
I managed to throw up the visor to actually fucking SEE the road...and pulled off to the side. Cleaned up as best as I could given that I generally don't carry a sink, soap, towels with me on my trips...
Got back on the bike...closed my eyes & hit the ignition...no immolation! Thats a good thing...I knew there was a gas station about 5 miles away and could hose off the bike and myself...but am driving down the road and was thinking of Will Smith in Independence Day...you remember the scene where he is dragging that big assed rasta curled alien through the dessert? And he says
"What the hell is that SMELL!!!"
I swear I smelled like the Exxon Valdez...
So I'm running through the gears, and fucking Rocky "kamakazi" Squirrel decides to run the fuck UNDER my bike...KA-BUMP... Now I'm looking up at the heavens going "Come on man, pick on S.L. or somebody he gets laid more in a week than I do in a month"...
My PLANS had been to go to Walberg & hang out at the Biergarten...have a few stouts and knock back a decent steak...but since I would, at that time, remind many of the oil refineries in houston, decided NOT to put the people there through the agony of my reek...and thinking "I should have kept the squirrel...could have BBQ'd his ass"...
So, if you think God doesn't have a sense of humor...come hang out in my life for a few days...you'll change your mind.
~God has a sense of humor~
