Discovered GF is a Provider

[Crash Davis]

I'm surprised I've not seen any say book at date with her and see what goes. Pretty hard not to admit when she opens the hotel room door in a sexy teddy.

[MrGiz]

If I were in the area... I would happily volunteer as Investigative Private Detective! *
Aren't they still called "dicks"?

[alluringava]

Originally Posted by BigOil

I'm pretty devastated. I suspected for months, but finally have proof. She has an amazing cover up "real job" and support network so undoubtedly she'll be rich someday. I just couldn't handle knowing. Oh well. Be safe out there ladies!

I'm sorry to hear she couldn't be honest with you, although I can see why she wouldn't be. But for me personally, I could never lie to the person I loved. I feel it's best to be up front. Most men could never handle their SO being a provider, and I understand that. It's why I've been single or that I have dated in the past men who were former clients who were single, but even THEY started to have issues with my work, so my decision to remain single is a wise one. I'm happier than I've ever been, and working as I do, I simply had to admit to myself I did not have the emotional or spiritual energy to have a relationship AND be a provider.

I just feel that it's best for a woman to be honest. If it means the guy can't handle it, at least she told him up front. And if he can handle it and is okay with it, then even better. Very few relationships except IMHO a very secure one without jealousy and with full comfortableness with each other can withstand the unique pressures and attributes of being a provider.

I knew a couple who were BOTH providers...the man worked as a male escort to rich ladies and his wife a provider for a service. They had a great relationship and are together to this day, sometimes working together as a couple. But that's very rare. And it's also enviable in many ways.


Again, am sorry to hear about you finding out without her being honest. Best of luck to you.

[workoutjunkie]

So whays she into?

[am-a-pleaser]

My ex was addicted to the attention, and lied about it to me. The dishonesty and lack of explaining it to me (I was young and naive) was a big part of our split. It was much later I discovered the separation of the physical and emiotional. I have no regrets divorcing her.

BigOil, I understand.

[Guest071514-1]

You said she didn't want to share you. She shouldn't have to. Her being a provider shouldn't give you a free pass. She's making money, and he wants to stay together with honesty and "permission" to hobby. Hell NO! If I had a SO who knew what I was doing, and he wanted to fuck around he better be "making money" too. I'm not doing it for free (or paying for it), and he won't either !!! If you were both FREE swingers I think it would be different. ijs

[Guest040313-1]

Originally Posted by BigOil

I've been in the hobby. But never while in a relationship.

I loved her and her family enough I would have probably been willing to accept it and work it out. Shit, I probably could have helped her succeed in the biz. She's a 10 and the best woman I'd ever been with. She wanted to marry me. But at the end of the day, the devastation really stems more from the dishonesty than the actual idea of her true profession. I'm a secure guy and I knew she was always coming home to me. Like I said, I can't judge someone for how they make their living. Open relationship would have worked for me I think but she wasn't willing. She said she couldnt share me with anyone. Tis what it tis. She was doing it long before me, and will do it long after.

BigOil
My girlfriend is a provider in the Islands down south. She understands my hobby, and I understand that she has to work to provide for herself and for her daughter. & for the "nay sayers"... (It's 100% off the clock, so lets not go there, & NO I will not share her information, at her request)

Don't go completely off center yet. I understand that her dishonesty about this is not acceptable, but bite your tounge for a little while. Sometimes the the best things in life happen by accident.

[savak]

man, this kinda cements my trust issues with women. The part that gets to me is the lying, saying nothings going on while there is stuff going on.

If it was me in this guy's boots, I would like to know up front so that way I could walk away. I wouldn't trash that person in the public, I would just walk away, take my clothes, art supplies, tv, playstation, computer, ice cube trays, batman collectibles, etc. and leave. Live and let live is my philosphy. I only hobby cause I'm single. If I wasn't single and had a SO, than I wouldn't hobby.

Call me old fashioned, but I actually prefer to be committed to one person and know that they are committed to me and only me. But for now, I'm 26 and free to live my life a little more openly.

Best of luck to the big man. Like my home-boy says - keep yo' head up playa

[ForumPoster]

I smell BS and the smell is strooooooong!

You just joined this board to get some perspective on the culture of the hobby you admittedly participated in?

Sorry, what ever you are selling, I am not buying.

Lina

[Budman]

Lina, I'm with you on the bullshit angle. The motto most guys live by is deny, deny, deny regardless of the proof. Maybe she is using the same guide book. On the other hand it seems you are looking for a reason to leave. The honesty angle is such a cheap bullshit shot. Did you really expect her to say "yes honey I just blew that guy over there and he gave me $$"? Every one here lies to some degree and they justify it to themselves. In this case you consider her "lie" to be much more egregious than yours so you can use it to leave. If you want to leave because she is providing then hit the road but don't be a pussy and say it's the dishonesty. Grow a pair of balls.

[MrGiz]

Originally Posted by Budman

. . . If you want to leave because she is providing then hit the road but don't be a pussy and say it's the dishonesty. Grow a pair of balls.

+1111111111111111

[alluringava]

Originally Posted by am-a-pleaser

My ex was addicted to the attention, and lied about it to me. The dishonesty and lack of explaining it to me (I was young and naive) was a big part of our split. It was much later I discovered the separation of the physical and emiotional. I have no regrets divorcing her.

BigOil, I understand.

So if she was upfront about it before your marriage, would you have accepted that and married her anyways? Because most men wouldn't.

[ForumPoster]

Originally Posted by Budman

Lina, I'm with you on the bullshit angle.

Imma thinks there is no GF ... the entire thread is just a joke.

People have one tiny problem when it comes to BS threads under 2nd/3rd/4th handles, they keep changing the story and forget about being consistent in their BS

[skirtchaser79411]

I can beat that story, which is sad. But it breaks my heart knowing i am worse off.

[BigOil]

Lina, it's not BS. I have no angle here. What could my "angle" possibly be? You are certainly entitled to your opinion. Thanks for contributing.

And I did leave. I'm not interfering with her work. I can't handle it, so I've moved on. She can do whatever she wants - it's no longer any of my business.

skirtchaser - care to share your story?