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Old 03-05-2012, 06:48 PM   #1
tia travels
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Default Some thoughts...

(Disclaimer: I'm sorry if some of these have been posted at one time in here. I did not have time to research all of them.)

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Just think how deep the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

So what's the speed of dark?

How come you never hear of gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Isn't Disneyworld a people trap operated by a mouse?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me.

Do fish get cramps after eating?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
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Old 03-05-2012, 09:56 PM   #2
Ernest Heming
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Bravo!
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Old 03-05-2012, 10:21 PM   #3
wildwooly1
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ahh ! what a wonderful mind to think of all of that
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Old 03-06-2012, 07:09 AM   #4
i'va biggen
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why do you park in a driveway and drive in a parkway?
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Old 03-07-2012, 09:51 PM   #5
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If you give a shit why would you take a shit...and is there really such a thing as holly shit??
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Old 03-07-2012, 10:14 PM   #6
Roothead
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Steven Wright humor?
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Old 03-07-2012, 11:34 PM   #7
tia travels
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Could be...I just found it in an old email. Don't know where it came from.
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Old 03-10-2012, 06:10 AM   #8
badhusband
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Love em!
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Old 03-10-2012, 09:32 AM   #9
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Why are there braille markings on drive-through ATM's?
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Old 03-11-2012, 12:41 AM   #10
CuteOldGuy
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Why do you bake cookies, but cook bacon?
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Old 03-15-2012, 10:26 PM   #11
cumalot
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A man goes to buy a 2x4 and the guy asked him how long he needed it and the man replied "quite a while, I'm building a house with it"
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:10 PM   #12
NaughtyPlayz4U
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Too Funny...
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