Would you tell him/her

[Guest021716-4]

I have thought about this a lot since becoming a provider. I have not allowed myself to have a civilian relationship or even date really. I do not believe in lying, and most guys couldn't handle the truth. I suppose I have cut myself short, but it's a sacrifice I made once I entered the hobby. I tell myself that once I retire I will make myself available again, but that could be 6 months to 2 years depending on how fast I advance in my career.


My point is, would/should you tell a guy you were dating right away or after knowing him for a while. Do you think that is fair to him? I wouldn't want to waste anyone's time if they couldn't accept what I did. Then I ask myself...would I want to be with a guy who accepted what I did? Damned if he does damned if he doesn't!!

I have a provider friend who is married and her husband has no clue what she does. I am not judging, but I couldn't imagine what he would do if he found out.

Has anyone who left the hobby provider/hobbyist and entered a relationship discussed their past? I am not so sure that I would. At the same time, it's part of who I am.

[Austinfunandfit]

I don't think you could ever tell a guy outside the hobby. That would only turn out bad. I don't think most men could handle it. However I think I could just because I'm kinky lol. So let me know when we're going out!

[rockerrick]

I would want to know immediately. Don't know how I would respond. Couldn't be judgemental considering my activities. Someone who has never p4p would probably react differently. Telling right away would not waste anyones time though.

[AdventureAdams]

You should let them know when you think that it may be going somewhere. The sooner you tell him the less of a headache it will be in the future (YOU KNOW YOU DON"T WANT HIM TO FIND OUT SOMEWHERE ELSE!). I've excluded myself from dating civilians because most of the time it is a pain in the ass with the stigma associated with being an escort. I take a breaks while dating but it would be super awesome if I could be in a relationship and work as an escort without having a bf be all butthurt about my job. But alas, you cannot have your cake and eat it too in most cases.

This doesn't go for everyone just me.

[Ebony Jasmine Love Austin]

What a great question. I have always wondered that myself. I can't wait to read the responses.
I would post my opinion/experiences but it would be way to long. Call or pm me if you want to chat though. I would love to discuss this.
I promise I am going to have a hobby internet radio program soon and this would be a great topic to discuss.

Thanks for posting.

[Guest021716-4]

Originally Posted by Ebony Jasmine Love Austin

What a great question. I have always wondered that myself. I can't wait to read the responses.
I would post my opinion/experiences but it would be way to long. Call or pm me if you want to chat though. I would love to discuss this.
I promise I am going to have a hobby internet radio program soon and this would be a great topic to discuss.

Thanks for posting.

I can see it now! This is Ebony Jasmine Love with hobby radio!!

[RALPHEY BOY]

dont tell him anything of your past or present,,

if any girl I date asks me how many partners I have had, should I tell them??

REB's GF: how many women have you slept with

REB: including you,Civies, Providers, and Swingers hmm.... lets see.... about 300+

now she would more than likely dump my ass in a second!!!

like Ausfun says, others outside the hobby do not understand it would just cause him to dump you immediately

if you fall in love then quit hobbying,, thats what I would do..

[AdventureAdams]

Originally Posted by RALPHEY BOY

dont tell him anything of your past or present,, if you fall in love then quit hobbying,, thats what I would do..

like Ausfun says, others outside the hobby do not understand it would just cause him to dump you immediately

Honestly I would rather tell the potential mate upfront in the beginning, because trust me there is nothing worst thsn investing an serious amount of time in a relationship only to have it crumble when your past is revealed. But I guess I am more of a "Rip the damn band-aid off" rather than wondering if my mate will ever find out about my past.

[Guest021716-4]

Hmmm,

Another question....would you want to be with a person you had to hide something from, because you thought they wouldn't understand you? I could probably sit here all day and discuss what I would or wouldn't do, but when faced with it who knows.

I am very interested to see who has told, who hasn't, and how that worked out!!

[RALPHEY BOY]

good point Skylar,, I tried that a few years back ( told her about 150).. and she dumped me.. so I learned my lesson..

if she finds out she finds out.. I will cross that bridge if and when I get to it..
my past is my past, and your past is your past.. I do not care nor do I want to know


I have always been single, never married no kids. so if she gets mad after finding out then she was not for me in the first place..I have NEVER cheated on any GF I have had..

[rockerrick]

Unfortunately it's a catch 22 situation. It is probably doomed for the reasons everyone has stated. Only hope would probably be lots of time out of the hobby. LOTS! And then silence.

[jdean208]

OK, I have popcorn and am settled in. Can't wait for these replies.

Of course I have been married for 35 years, so I suppose hearing that would be a pretty big surprise. Wouldn't THAT be just deserts!

[Ebony Jasmine Love Austin]

I'm so on the fence. I agree with both Skylar and Ralphey's points.
More so with the mind-your-business-because-I-don't-care-how-many-partners-you-have-had stance. But I've always been honest. The first time about 3 months in and the second for the jump (concise version). We ended up having an open relationship. It was only fair. *Shrug*

Originally Posted by Scarlett Rossi

I can see it now! This is Ebony Jasmine Love with hobby radio!!

Yep!

To your second question: You may have answered it.
I suppose we don't know what we would do in any situation until we are faced with it. Also we don't know how the person would react. They might already be so in love with you that they accept your past. Maybe they aren't as civi as you thought. Ah-haaa! Wouldn't that be ideal. Nice day for rose colored glasses I guess.

I respect how you chose to stay out of civi dating. I think that is where I am now. But then who knows what I would do if the the right person blah blah blah.... you know.

[Whispers]

Originally Posted by Scarlett Rossi

Hmmm,

Another question....would you want to be with a person you had to hide something from, because you thought they wouldn't understand you? I could probably sit here all day and discuss what I would or wouldn't do, but when faced with it who knows.

I am very interested to see who has told, who hasn't, and how that worked out!!

Do you WANT a long lasting relationship with this person?

If so Do you want it bad enough to set aside what YOU think about keeping the secret and stay within the norms of society...

Keeping it a secret only bothers you in the long run... IF it stays a secret.... If it comes out the damage is probably worse than telling him up front....

Telling him risks everything.... No matter HOW he responds today.... You have to allow for the fact that people grow and their viewpoints change.... What he is willing to accept today may haunt him 3 years or longer from now....

When you fight..... EVERYONE fights eventually.... the potential for ugliness goes to a level no "normal" 2 people have to deal with.... ESPECIALLY if he was not a hobby guy....

I think I am a pretty practical person and stay fairly well grounded in relationships..... especially those I've entered with ladies within this strange little world of hours....

I can see some great long lasting friendships...... some shorter extremely intense and pleasurable partnerships.......

But "forever", kids, family involvement, LOVE based partnerships? etc.....

naw.....

It's one of those things that EVEN THOUGH I KNOW... I really wish I didn't know.....

I enjoy the moment and look towards gals from other fields as relationship material.....

I have to truthfully admit that even if I met a gal that was a banker, or broker or realtor..... dated and fell in love with and married.... only to find out 5 years from now she turned tricks at a point in her life before me.....

As adapted as I am to this world.....

It would probably lead to the end of whatever we had.....

[Codybeast]

I went out on a date with someone in the civie world to catch a show. There was some obvious chemistry as we parted ways after the show. However being as honest as she is she contacted me shortly thereafter concerned yet very direct and honest about the fact that she is a provider not realizing I hobbied on occasion myself. She was interested in pursuing something and because of that she felt disclosure was important.

We had met in a civie environment and there actually was strong chemistry but I knew there was no way I could handle getting involved romantically with a provider. Also for that reason I knew I would never be comfortable using her services as a provider.

To this day we are dear (Non BCD) friends and I consider her one of the finest and most amazing human beings I have ever had the honor to know largely due to her integrity.
That might be different if she had waited until after it had become physical to be straight up with me.

Can't tell you what's right for you but I sure am glad she was forth coming with me.