Full Disclosure

[SweetAmanda]

Originally Posted by jamais vu

Is it possible to truly love someone while withholding information about yourself?

Recently, I've been going back and forth in my head with this issue. My escort days are fast approaching an end and I'm proud of where I've been. Being who I am has put me through school, financed my future and cultivated a worldly and self-aware young woman.

When I meet the man of my dreams, I can't imagine not telling him just how I became the dynamic person he's in love with. Other providers, how open are you? How open are you willing to be? What's attributing to your secrecy, or lack thereof? Do you ever regret it?

Single hobbyists, when/if you date again, will you tell her about your past? Those who are married, do you ever feel guilt?

And to everyone: Can you fully love while holding back?

Hopefully you'll fall in love with someone who's not bothered by it. I've casually dated without full disclosure, but luckily the person who I truly fell in love with was ok with what I do. I'm so fortunate. Not only do I not have any burden of guilt or secrecy, but I can tell him everything, past and present. We can laugh and complain and gossip and be activists together. Escorting has been such a huge part of my life, I couldn't get too close to anyone without being able to talk about it.

I think there are plenty of guys out there who would be ok with dating a former escort (probably much fewer who'd date a current one). In my opinion, these would be the most fun and open-minded people anyway, and the most compatible with me and my values. If I felt like I had to lie, I probably wouldn't want to bother dating the person. Not because he's inherently bad, but because we couldn't truly be compatible. I sincerely hope you meet someone awesome who you feel comfortable sharing everything with.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

I am not saying one is better than the other, but ask any guy or girl who's dated in the hobby and you will see what I mean. A woman only doing it for the money who does not really enjoy it, is not pulled back to it when she is in love. It was only a job to her from jump.

.

A job that produces money that can be exchanged for self gratifications. In essence she is doing her job for self gratification.

Just as a guy is cheating on his wife for self gratification.

They just have different things that self gratify them! haha

So it seems to me that you are arguing that one is better than the other. I politely disagree.

Originally Posted by London Rayne

Now, I am not talking about greed here that keeps women doing this no matter what, but a woman strictly doing it when she is single for the extra perks who would walk in a heartbeat if she found the one.

She has NO desire to turn tricks. OTOH, some guys who cheat will still cheat on any and every woman they are with regardless, because it was "true desire" that led him to do it in the first place...not desperation so to speak.

.

I have never seen a woman that enjoyed the finer things in life, leave the lifestyle for long, for someone that could not at the very least maintain that lifestyle. Is that true love? Is true love letting your man eat a different entree from time to time without chopping off his balls?

I think the meaning of true love varies from person to person.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by jamais vu

And to everyone: Can you fully love while holding back?

If you get burnt enough by not holding back, you tend to start holding back. Truth in moderation. I think that is what successful couples do.

Personally, I reveal things slowly over time, if at all.

I would hope that the lady I chose as a life partner had the good sense to be able to judge just what and when was a good time to reveal to me things she thought relevant. I do not expect her to spill her guts on past indiscretions on the first date, if ever.

For instance, if you married a successful business owner, why tell him if you think he could not handle it as of yet on the other hand if he decided to say run for President of the US of A, how could you not tell him.

So , I say, it all depends!

Not very helpful there, sorry.

Good question though.

[jamais vu]

Originally Posted by WTF

A job that produces money that can be exchanged for self gratifications. In essence she is doing her job for self gratification.

Just as a guy is cheating on his wife for self gratification.

They just have different things that self gratify them! haha

So it seems to me that you are arguing that one is better than the other. I politely disagree.



I have never seen a woman that enjoyed the finer things in life, leave the lifestyle for long, for someone that could not at the very least maintain that lifestyle. Is that true love? Is true love letting your man eat a different entree from time to time without chopping off his balls?

I think the meaning of true love varies from person to person.

The more I re-read my inital post and the responses to this thread, I realize that the answer to this question is not "one-size-fits-all." I totally share your sentiments when it comes to that, WTF.

However, I fail to see how a provider using the hobby as a stepping stone to her future goals is the same as a hobbyist using it to fulfill his insatiable sexual desires.

Sure the hobby can be viewed as "self-gratifying" on both ends: She is using it as a way to make a quick buck; he is using it to get a quick nut, LOL.

The main difference is that the provider knew from jump street that her time in P4P was only temporary. The hobbyist's situation is much more complex because it's sexual. A financial goal is achievable and measureable... I'm not sure the same could be said about sex for sale.

[Ed Highlight]

Originally Posted by jamais vu

The more I re-read my inital post and the responses to this thread, I realize that the answer to this question is not "one-size-fits-all." I totally share your sentiments when it comes to that, WTF......

Vive la difference!! Everybody has their own reasons/rationalizations.... especially when it comes to morality, love, etc. You won't find THE answer here (remember where you are) but you will find some answers. Some you will agree with and some you won't. You get to choose which one(s) fit you/your situation.... ala carte!!

WOW!! Two French phrases in one post....how continental!! I think Nina is rubbing off on me.....I wish!!!

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Ed Highlight

WOW!! Two French phrases in one post....how continental!! I think Nina is rubbing off on me.....I wish!!!

Speaking of nina, I'd like to rub some off on her!

[Laz]

Originally Posted by jamais vu

The more I re-read my inital post and the responses to this thread, I realize that the answer to this question is not "one-size-fits-all." I totally share your sentiments when it comes to that, WTF.

However, I fail to see how a provider using the hobby as a stepping stone to her future goals is the same as a hobbyist using it to fulfill his insatiable sexual desires.

Sure the hobby can be viewed as "self-gratifying" on both ends: She is using it as a way to make a quick buck; he is using it to get a quick nut, LOL.

The main difference is that the provider knew from jump street that her time in P4P was only temporary. The hobbyist's situation is much more complex because it's sexual. A financial goal is achievable and measureable... I'm not sure the same could be said about sex for sale.

I agree that situations are different for everyone and the response should be tailored to your situation.

I do have a difficulty with the way all hobbyists are lumped together. There is a difference between a single person, a married person with the wifes permission, and a married person without the wifes permission. They all do this for personal satisfaction but they are not all deceiving someone else in the process.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by jamais vu

The main difference is that the provider knew from jump street that her time in P4P was only temporary. The hobbyist's situation is much more complex because it's sexual. A financial goal is achievable and measureable... I'm not sure the same could be said about sex for sale.

And the gentleman can know that his time in the hobby is only temporary, temporary being such a subjective term!

Originally Posted by jamais vu

However, I fail to see how a provider using the hobby as a stepping stone to her future goals is the same as a hobbyist using it to fulfill his insatiable sexual desires.

Sure the hobby can be viewed as "self-gratifying" on both ends: She is using it as a way to make a quick buck; he is using it to get a quick nut, LOL.

.

Look what is the difference in the guy working at a job he hates for a buck cheating for the nut or a lady getting a nut while working for a buck at the job she hates? Both are risking shame to theirself and other for self grad.

I think Ed's point was that we all rationalize just what is and isn't good for us, we then tend to project those rationalizations onto others.

As a general rule, it seems ladies think one is worse than the other and men think the exact opposite. Personally, I think it a lesson in futility to try and compare the two. For me neither is worse or better, they just are.

[WTF]

Originally Posted by Laz

I agree that situations are different for everyone and the response should be tailored to your situation.

I do have a difficulty with the way all hobbyists are lumped together. There is a difference between a single person, a married person with the wifes permission, and a married person without the wifes permission. They all do this for personal satisfaction but they are not all deceiving someone else in the process.

Another good point!

[NinaBrooke]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

I am not saying one is better than the other, but ask any guy or girl who's dated in the hobby and you will see what I mean. A woman only doing it for the money who does not really enjoy it, is not pulled back to it when she is in love. It was only a job to her from jump.

Now, I am not talking about greed here that keeps women doing this no matter what, but a woman strictly doing it when she is single for the extra perks who would walk in a heartbeat if she found the one.

She has NO desire to turn tricks. OTOH, some guys who cheat will still cheat on any and every woman they are with regardless, because it was "true desire" that led him to do it in the first place...not desperation so to speak.

If a woman can walk away from this and never turn back when she is in love and a guy can't walk away from the desire to stray no matter what, which one is the more powerful force?e Money or Lust?

I agree with London on that, and that also explains the heartbreak some monogamous escorts have, who have guys tolerating the job but still seing other escorts too. I still see, you can`t do a job without having a special declination towards it, but there is a difference when a guy books an escort than the other way round.
And we all know that, since we are not in kindergarten here ;-). No one needs to pretend an escort does that job because she is a nympho ;-). Because there is a reason why WE don`t charge our boyfriends or lovers :-).

[WTF]

Originally Posted by London Rayne

It's much more understandable when women do this to pay bills vs. guys doing it just for self gratification..double standard sure, but also true. .

Originally Posted by ninasastri

I agree with London on that, and that also explains the heartbreak some monogamous escorts have, who have guys tolerating the job but still seing other escorts too. I still see, you can`t do a job without having a special declination towards it, but there is a difference when a guy books an escort than the other way round.
And we all know that, since we are not in kindergarten here ;-). No one needs to pretend an escort does that job because she is a nympho ;-). Because there is a reason why WE don`t charge our boyfriends or lovers :-).

Originally Posted by jamais vu

However, I fail to see how a provider using the hobby as a stepping stone to her future goals is the same as a hobbyist using it to fulfill his insatiable sexual desires.


.

I think you ladies are making my point.... or Ed's point(if that was his point too) In other words, blame Ed if you do not agree with me!

Originally Posted by WTF

I think Ed's point was that we all rationalize just what is and isn't good for us, we then tend to project those rationalizations onto others.

.

Let us first try and see all the similarities

Both are doing it for self grad. ie both trying to fill a need.

Neither want to purposefully trying hurt the one they love.

So if we are dating there is this huge difference if we are middle class and someone offers you 1k to sleep with them and I get a 50 dollar blowjob or even free blowjob, although I think free anything is a myth!? Neither help nor harm the financial position of the relationship long term. The next step is only the multiple.

I have to run for now. That is a start, I have so many more.

But remember ladies and gents, this is a thought exercise in finding similarities.

It is a way to see the other sides rationalization and thus a better understanding of how we may look at very similar things and rationalize them as if they are not.

[London Rayne]

There is no rationalization here...it's simply what is more likely to be tolerated, understood, or forgiven to an individual.

I can't help how I feel inside, and nothing would ever change that. I would never be able to trust a man who was cheating on someone else when I met him...simple.

I am not saying he is some bad person and I the hooker am a saint, but I would not be able to allow my heart to fall for him knowing that. Others would not have an issue with it.

There are men who would never date a hooker because they feel we are more dirty and tainted than the girl at the local bar sucking off guys for free...it's their preconceived notions they can't get rid of. Whether one is true or not is not the point. Perception is always reality.

If I were to buy someone being able to leave this life, it would be the hooker who never wanted to be here in the first place. There is your difference. Guys WANT to be here, because sex is not a need to start with. Food and shelter are.

[WTF]

Food and shelter are not what we are talkin g about. Living a certain lifestylye is a far cry from food and shelter. And you are making an assumption that we want to cheat. That is like saying the peron with a drinking problem wants to drink. In one sense you may be correct but if you peel back the layers of the onion it is much more complicated than that

[catnipdipper]

You owe no one any explanation of your life, short of your student loan debts, and or any sexual health issues.

Walk out the door, lock it and go to the next stage of your life.

Very few people get into trouble by being quiet.

[macdeft]

some loads in life we have to bear alone because it is wrong to cleanse your soul at another person's expense