happy st paddys day!!!!!

[DallasRain]

13 Common Myths of St. Patrick's Day:

Myth: Shamrocks are associated with the holiday because St. Patrick used them as a teaching tool for the pagan Celts he converted to Christianity. The Shamrock's 3 leaves symbolize the holy Trinity.
Reality: Shamrocks were just the first things Patrick saw when he woke up face down in a field after a particularly bad bender. Myth: Leprechauns are famous for their little Lucky Charms.
Reality: A man’s height is not a reliable indicator of the size of his Lucky Charms.
Myth: "Luck of the Irish" refers to the abundance of Good Fortune long enjoyed by the Irish.
Reality: Good Fortune has included 1,000 years of invasion, colonization, exploitation, starvation and mass emigration. Then there was the "Gangs of New York" and as a final insult: those Colin Farrell sex tapes and the mere existence of Rosie O'Donnell.

Myth: Saint Patrick's name was Saint Patrick.
Reality: His real name was actually Maewyn Succat. He adopted Saint Patrick as his stage name when he began touring Ireland as a magician famous for his disappearing snake trick.

Myth: Kissing the Blarney Stone, located in County Cork, will grant you the ability to speak sweetly and persuasively.
Reality: Imagine the bored teenagers growing up in County Cork. Now can you not imagine that the Blarney Stone being the most pissed upon tourist attraction in Europe?

Myth: St. Patrick's Day is a traditional holiday to celebrate great friends and great food. The customary Irish family meal is a Quarter-pounder with a large Coke and potato fries. St. Patrick: "I'm lovin' it!"
Reality: This Myth was sponsored by McDonalds.

Myth: The Irish are the world's most poetic people
Reality: Limericks are to Poetry, as Paris Hilton is to Acting. In fact, the National Poet Laureate of Ireland has been named and it's...that Man from Nantucket.


Myth: St. Patrick's Day is a lot of fun with parades and games and merriment.
Reality: It's not just an innocent holiday. Think about this: if you rearrange the letters of SAINT PATRICK'S DAY... it spells out SATANIC KIDS PARTY! This would explain the perverted behavior of the Catholic Church.

Myth: When St. Patrick died on March 17, 460 A.D., his jawbone was preserved in a silver shrine and used to cure epilepsy, ease childbirth and defend against "evil eye".
Reality: St. Patrick’s jawbone is indeed the “Swiss Army Knife” of healing. While it may not exactly cure epilepsy, it has been shown to reduce dandruff and fight tooth decay!

Myth: St Patrick cleansed the snakes out of Ireland by driving them into the sea.
Reality: That story is a 100% fiction. The truth is that St. Patrick played his flute to lure all the rats out of the town and into the river.

Myth: Many young women think St. Patrick’s Day is a time to get drunk and experiment by kissing another girl in public.
Reality: According to St. Patrick, your actions will have you banished into a Lesbian Hell!
NOTE: Guys who make it into Heaven are allowed to visit Lesbian Hell to watch.

Myth: Green is the official color of St. Patrick's Day because it's the color of spring, shamrocks and fertility.
Reality: The official color is flashing red and blue as the officer writes out your DUI.

Myth: The Irish are constantly inebriated.
Reality: That's an ugly falsehood. Most are far too impoverished to purchase even the bargain whiskey they so desperately crave.

[pornodave69]

AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO

An attractive blonde from Cork , Ireland arrived at the Casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,
Not all blondes are dumb,
But all men...are men.

[Outdoorsman]

Here is an Irish joke:

These two irish men walked out of a bar......

It could happen!!

[BIG C]

Originally Posted by Outdoorsman

Here is an Irish joke:

These two irish men walked out of a bar......

It could happen!!

Here's another one:

3 Irishmen walked into a bar.....The 4th one opened the door.....

[Cajunman]

Hey Happy St. Patty's Day everyone.

[dilbert firestorm]

whos offering green beer? never tried that