Perfect Hygiene

[Kimberlee]

Hi Everyone!

One of my clients sent this to me~As he knows what a stickler I am for perfect hygiene. The way it is written is pretty comical~but it has some very good points! Read and Enjoy!
Kisses~

Kimber I thought you would find this entertaining. This is from Seattle's provider's board. This is concerning client's hygiene tips. Enjoy.

This was posted a few years ago. It is still very good information
Gentlemen!
For those of you that wonder what we girls talk about on our board! I have something for you! We had a great "bitch session" lately about something near and dear to our hearts. HYGIENE!
This is meant to be tongue in cheek...and for fun, but...bear in mind...we have compiled these suggestions due to the fact that we have been confronted with a few of these in the past!
This also does not apply to those of you that request to shower when you first come to the appt! You at least ask! THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS!!!!
Enjoy!!!
Hygiene 101
Hygiene is better known as cleanliness. This can be a rather daunting task for many of you and seems to be as frightening as having dinner with your mother in law. We have found over time and experience that many of you would rather belly flop a grenade than remove your shorts and acquaint yourself with the bathtub.
Hygiene is more than jumping into the shower, letting the water hit your chest and drip between those happy lil cheeks. The idea here is to actually pick up a wash cloth and use this foreign matter called soap.
This might be a new concept for many of you, but let us tell you a little secret....If your objective is to get us to adorn the family jewels with our pretty little lips...well.... if very thought of being in the same room with you is reminiscent of a goat that might not be the fastest way to achieve your goal.
So we have written this handy dandy and easy to follow check list just for the "hygienically challenged" to use as a guide BEFORE going to your anxiously anticipated appointment with the girl of your dreams!
We guarantee that regardless of your appearance or lack of personality the girl will treat you like a king if you come prepared by following these steps. Print this up, hang in the bathroom for reference later!
1. Repeat after me, "I will shower BEFORE I come see a girl."
2. Showering means, SOAP + WASHCLOTH
3. Wash your face, AND HAIR! Please remove the several days build up of gel or other hair products. If at this time you need to use a good anti-dandruff shampoo, please do. It will be helpful.
4. Use the washrag and soap in all the areas that do not have direct contact with the sun on a regular basis. For example, your tushie, your groin, your armpits, be sure to focus attention to detail on any orifice that is a known exit point.
5. Scrub until the washrag no longer returns in various shades of brown. The trick here is to scrub it until the crusty little dingles berries are gone and you smell fresh. When you think you are done...take a few swishes with the wash rag and SNIFF! Smell clean? Good, if not....repeat.
6. Peel the foreskin back (for the uncircumcised) and wash around the head of your penis. Amazing how this will reduce the gagging and watery eyes for the girl when you remove your shorts.
7. Scrub between your toes and make sure that the lint is removed from your belly button and the crack of your tushie please. Nothing is more unpleasant than to be kissing you way to the family jewels and find a rather unpleasant odor emitting from ones belly button. Yes, they do smell badly, trust us on this.
8. After you get out of the shower take a few moments and examine your body for large pustular acne, noticeable pimples or black heads, please take the necessary action to remove these. They can be distracting.
9. When you are done with your shower, introduce yourself to your RAZOR. You know the little thing with the sharp blades made for cutting the scruffy hair on your face?
10. USE THE RAZOR on all parts of your face that are known to grow hair. Check in the mirror to assure yourself that this task has been achieved and you have not left behind any islands of hair that might HURT delicate areas. If you wear glasses, this might be a good time to put them back on to accomplish this task with precision.
11. If you have shaved other areas beyond your face, this would be a good time to touch them up. Stubble in the groin is hard on our delicate facial tissues or other areas. Nothing is more unpleasant than to have stubble from shaved chest hair marring our beautiful breasts. Ouch.
12. One word....DEODORANT. Apply liberally to the arm pit area. Thank you!
13. Now, when you have completed showering and shaving, DO NOT BATHE IN AFTERSHAVE OR COLOGNE. The phrase just "a little dab will do ya” is sufficient here. Again, it is ideal to not make the girls eyes tear from the fumes, besides cologne does not taste good when kissed by delicate lips.
14. Tooth brush + tooth paste = fresh kissable mouth. Imagine that? Do not just use listerine to rinse your breath and think that will suffice. You need to scrub the yellow slimy grime off each and every tooth to find the top layer of your enamel. This will facilitate "kissing"
15. FLOSS, FLOSS, FLOSS!!! To use floss will remove the annoying little hidden pieces of meat or week old popcorn that gets wedged between your teeth at the most inopportune times. This helps to improve the breath quotient. Bringing smiles to all that must come into contact with your mouth.
16. Now, use the mouth wash. Good boy...there you go, rinse out real good, now SPIT. Wipe your face good, no one wants to see toothpaste in the corners of your lips.
17. Fingernails! Many of you are employed in a hard working honest position that requires you to have your hands in grease. We understand that it is impossible to remove ALL the grease and grime from under your nails due to staining....BUT....you can remove the majority of it. They make these little finger nail brushes that work very well at this...you may also try the little tool on your Swiss Army knife just for the handy dandy purpose of scraping the dirt out from under your nails. Works wonders...!
18. Trim your nails! We cannot emphasize this suggestion enough. Long nails HURT certain areas of our anatomy. Let us put it this way...if you want to play with digits, make sure digits are not akin to claws...many smiles and fun for all involved!
19. Congratulations! You are clean from head to toe, shaved, smelling good...now, put on CLEAN underwear. Yes, you heard right, CLEAN skivvies make a favorable impression on any girl and she will appreciate it especially when she gets to remove your shorts and see that they are not painted in an array of beautiful fall colors.
20. Same concept applies to CLEAN socks. In fact, make a leap here and put on clean clothes from head to toe. Preferably ones that are not worn through at the knees or in general threadbare. Take a good whiff to make sure they do not smell like mothballs, or sour milk from being left in the washing machine wet for a week. Sniff your jacket, make sure the cat has not relieved himself on it or it is not infused with the overpowering odor of cigarette smoke. If any of the items do not pass the whiff test, then you might want to invest in a bottle of FEBREZE. This is an amazing product that will remove odors. Wonderful invention. DO NOT BATH IN THIS PRODUCT!! Might irritate the skin, and will not substitute for any of the preceding steps.
The above steps really work....trust us on this! Now, go forth and have fun!

[pipefitter73]

Someone needs to forward this info to HsvBud, lol.

[DallasRain]

lol Pipe!!!

Great points sweety!!! And ditto!!!!!
{it was awesome to meet you...you are beautiful!}

[PAPA JOE]

LOL, I hope i met the criteria,
this is posted on Players Castle :

<b> Gents - How To Prepare For A Date

Men, how to prepare for a date ....

Little things can add up to big benefits during a date with a lady. The fewer distractions from little annoyances make the sessions much better. The details can be the difference in just a date and a stellar adventure !!

Talk to the lady before the date - Whether it be on the phone or in emails this is time well spent. if this is a first time meeting, you may not be able to be direct with questions. But spending a little time talking with her can give you a much better insight to whats available and her likes and dislikes. After the first meeting is out of the way, you will be able to ask her more specific things ... and it just gets better from here !

Fingernails - Clip your fingernails and toenails .. close ! Then file them smooth. long or sharp nails and hang nails can be a source of pain for the lady, and lets face it, most ladies aren't into pain ... from nails anyway.

Shave - Shave and shave closely, beard burn on a lady's skin can be very irritating, especially in the more delicate areas. so, be smooth as a baby's ass !

Your mouth - Brush your teeth ... and tounge, well, then use mouthwash !! Your mouth can smell worse than your ass !

Manscape - The last thing a pubic hair hears before it hits the floor .... thpuuh, thpuuh.... If the lady makes a trip down south, she wants it reasonably groomed. Pubic hairs can be as big an irritation for a lady as they are for you, so show a little respect and manscape. Shaving isn't necessary, but a close trim will make things go much better !

Shower - Wash ! Take time and wash all the little nooks and crannys. Pay special attention to your ass ! You don't want to be down south on a lady and get a whiff of ass, neither does she ! Wash it, get your finger or wash cloth up in there, wash it good ! When you think you have it ... wash it again !!

Cologne - A nice cologne and deodorant will do, something not overpowering. Be liberal with it ... any where she might sniff !

Attire - Clean clothes, you don't have to dress to kill, but have clean , nice looking clothes on. Again attention to details !

What to carry in - When seeing a lady you don't know, all you need to carry in is the donation and your car key, to get back in your car. Yep, leave everything else in the car. Have a safety contact, yep, men you need a safety contact too.

Gifts - Gifts other than the monetary gift normally aren't necessary.... but, getting a lady a little something extra always adds a little extra to the session !



I hope this has been helpful .... have fun ... and hit it one time for me !!!

</b>

[DallasRain]

quote---What to carry in - When seeing a lady you don't know, all you need to carry in is the donation and your car key, to get back in your car. Yep, leave everything else in the car. Have a safety contact, yep, men you need a safety contact too.


and never bring a bunch of flowers and a gift bag! Carry any gifts in a shopping bag or a briefcase or duffle bag

[Anita Lay]

good point Dee dee

[lowgear]

Ain't nothing worse than GOAT BREATH or crouch rot

[DallasRain]

Originally Posted by lowgear

Ain't nothing worse than GOAT BREATH or crouch rot

[Kimberlee]

D~It was great to meet you too! You're a ton of fun!

Yes Papa, you certainly did meet the criteria~You scored an A+++
Can't wait to go again!!!!

Kiss

[PAPA JOE]

Originally Posted by Kimberlee

D~It was great to meet you too! You're a ton of fun!

Yes Papa, you certainly did meet the criteria~You scored an A+++
Can't wait to go again!!!!

Kiss

you are a wonderful lady !!! and i can't wait either !!!

[EZRider]

Originally Posted by PAPA JOE

LOL, I hope i met the criteria,
this is posted on Players Castle :

<b><B>

Cologne - A nice cologne and deodorant will do, something not overpowering. Be liberal with it ... any where she might sniff !

</b></B>

I agree with all but the "Be liberal with it". In this instance I'd go with the women's version. A little bit that can you can smell when you break that personal space plane is fine. But if you tell guys to be liberal watch out!

I know some guys that are liberal with expensive cologne and you can tell they are wearing it 50 feet away and 10 minutes ater they leave. Some women are the same too. The first thing I wonder about the perfume or cologne overpowering person, man or woman, is "what awful smell are they paranoid about and are trying to cover up?".

[HeatherNicole]

@ EZRider - I think that some people seem to take the Axe body spray commercials too literally. No way does anyone ever need to use that much cologne or perfume.

@ Kim and Dallas - hate that I couldn't make it. I hope y'all had lots of fun.

[EZRider]

Honestly, I've been complimented on the residual fragrance from the bar of Zest and/or the shampoo used in showering before a date. I attribute that to just being clean and fresh; just as I expect from my date.

I don't often use cologne; if I do it's just a few drops. You'll be hugging close to smell me. And that way it's doubtful to be offensive to even the most sensitive noses - especially those breathing heavily on my neck!

[Kimberlee]

Hey Heather,
We missed you last night~!!
As far as the cologne goes, just like it says in my original post, "A little dab will do ya"!
Kisses
Kimber

[PAPA JOE]

LOL, wifey actually mixes up my cologne / aftershave. she has an acute sense of smell and she likes this fragrance. it doesn't have as much fragrance as store bought aftershaves. due to the acreage i shave , a normal cologne / aftershave would be overbearing.

6 oz Old Spice Classic
12 oz Avon Musk for Men
2 tbs vanilla
1 qt ( 32oz ) alcohol