Friendships and the hobby

[ItalianaPrincess]

maybe better, because they don't trust many, and value those they trust.

+ 1

[Guest062124]

To my true friends. I just wanted to say thank you for always making my life easier, for being there for me, for trusting me with your secrets, and for making it easy for me to trust you with mine, for not taking advantage of me and for understanding that my life is sometimes a little screwy and has to come first.

As I stated in my original post....there was no drama, miscommunication or anything negative that went on with the gentlemen that I am speaking of. They were good to me, I was good to them. Why they walked away, I will probably never know. I will always be around if you need me.


I got a nasty "anonymous" email this morning, reprimanding me for running specials, regularly posting ads and seeming desperate and needy for doing so. I just want you guys to know that I run specials because I appreciate you for choosing me.

[ApolloSteele]

Very insightful thread. I believe you have to comprehend that there is a difference between business and OTC friendships. I can compare it to a boss or co-worker you may be friends with outside of work. There things you can joke about and say to each other and do off the clock that you wouldn't do while on the clock. Same principle applies to friendships bewtween hobbyist and providers.

A mature friend will be able to distinguish between business and OTC.

[fawn]

Originally Posted by M A X;1613463
Here's a poem I read years ago that hits on different types of friendship/relationships. It seems to ring true for me:

[I

Reason, Season, or Lifetime[/I]

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
— Unknown

WOW, what a moving poem..... Thank you Max, this is exactly what I needed to read....

[Oppa]

I believe you have to comprehend that there is a difference between business and OTC friendships. I can compare it to a boss or co-worker you may be friends with outside of work. There things you can joke about and say to each other and do off the clock that you wouldn't do while on the clock. Same principle applies to friendships bewtween hobbyist and providers.

Very insightful, and admittedly, it's the guy that tends to blur the line and fuck up the friendship. If you're going to be "friends" with a provider, you have to respect that OTC time (dinner, movie, ball game) is OTC time....not BCD time. It takes a very mature client and a very kind-hearted, trusting provider to have that kind of friendship.....and usually it's something developed over several years.

[Guest062124]

Originally Posted by ApolloSteele

Very insightful thread. I believe you have to comprehend that there is a difference between business and OTC friendships. I can compare it to a boss or co-worker you may be friends with outside of work. There things you can joke about and say to each other and do off the clock that you wouldn't do while on the clock. Same principle applies to friendships bewtween hobbyist and providers.

A mature friend will be able to distinguish between business and OTC.

Originally Posted by 7th is Heaven

Very insightful, and admittedly, it's the guy that tends to blur the line and fuck up the friendship. If you're going to be "friends" with a provider, you have to respect that OTC time (dinner, movie, ball game) is OTC time....not BCD time. It takes a very mature client and a very kind-hearted, trusting provider to have that kind of friendship.....andusually it's something developed over several years.

You two make my heart all warm and mushy. I've learned some wonderful things about all you guys that have had input in this thread. Thanks so much :-)

[erosmystique]

First of all, let me thank the lovely Reese for this great thought provoking thread. I read this day one it was posted and decided to mull over my answer. I am thankful for people like Reese who truly exhibit passion and show they care and are not afraid to make known their feelings. I have not had the pleasure of actually meeting Reese but have been an admirer of hers ever since my first day here. I will soon change this as now more than ever I am drawn to Reese.

In my honest opinion, we all long for and desire to be friends with others. We all appreciate and count on knowing that others care about us as we do them. A simple text, email, or even a call just to say hi and or I am thinking about you speaks volumes indeed and the warm feelings received by this are indeed priceless.
On the other hand, never hearing from a friend can also speak volumes just more so in the negative sense.

I've learned more here recently that some of your friends are only there for you at certain times and, more times than not, are too busy for you. At the same token, a "true" friend is always there for you and will at times put you before themselves in more ways than one. True friends are indeed a rare gem! I am totally thankful for the friends and friendships I've made here and am anticipating even more friendships in the oh not so distant future!

Reese, again, I thank you for this wonderful thread and am looking forward to meeting you soon!

Best Wishes to all for a Great Day!

[pmdelites]

oh mystery of our universe, please grant me ...
the serenity to accept when I cannot blur those lines;
the courage to know when i can blur those lines;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

[adapted from The Serenity Prayer, originally untitled poem by Reinhold Niebuhr
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer]

[Guest062124]

Originally Posted by erosmystique

First of all, let me thank the lovely Reese for this great thought provoking thread. I read this day one it was posted and decided to mull over my answer. I am thankful for people like Reese who truly exhibit passion and show they care and are not afraid to make known their feelings. I have not had the pleasure of actually meeting Reese but have been an admirer of hers ever since my first day here. I will soon change this as now more than ever I am drawn to Reese.

In my honest opinion, we all long for and desire to be friends with others. We all appreciate and count on knowing that others care about us as we do them. A simple text, email, or even a call just to say hi and or I am thinking about you speaks volumes indeed and the warm feelings received by this are indeed priceless.
On the other hand, never hearing from a friend can also speak volumes just more so in the negative sense.

I've learned more here recently that some of your friends are only there for you at certain times and, more times than not, are too busy for you. At the same token, a "true" friend is always there for you and will at times put you before themselves in more ways than one. True friends are indeed a rare gem! I am totally thankful for the friends and friendships I've made here and am anticipating even more friendships in the oh not so distant future!

Reese, again, I thank you for this wonderful thread and am looking forward to meeting you soon!

Best Wishes to all for a Great Day!

Eros,

You are very welcome and thanks for responding.

I have had discussion with some of my friends and family on this subject and in this day and age, keeping constant communication is almost impossible and being in the hobby makes it even more difficult.

Many of the gentlemen here have expressed concerns about "over communicating" with the ladies, but I can assure you most ladies are just as concerned. I have a few friends that have told me to call or text any time and others that have never given me that permission. To be completely honest, I HARDLY ever take anyone up on that offer. I am so terrified that the time I do actually dial or text will be the one time that their SO or family member will pick up the phone.

I do care and value my friendships enough to not put my friends at risk. My gentlemen friends all know it is okay to contact me...and they also know that there are times that I just can't respond. Most of them understand and do not assume, because I don't immediately respond that I don't care for them. It's about boundaries....yes, even friends have some.

Bottom line...Friends of mine, even if we do not talk everyday, I do care and if you need me you can always contact me.

I have jabbered enough.. I hope that made sense.

Everyone have a lovely and relaxing weekend.

[supersarge]

I have one friend in this community. Very glad to know her.

[Guest020720]

Originally Posted by erosmystique

I've learned more here recently that some of your friends are only there for you at certain times and, more times than not, are too busy for you. At the same token, a "true" friend is always there for you and will at times put you before themselves in more ways than one. True friends are indeed a rare gem! I am totally thankful for the friends and friendships I've made here and am anticipating even more friendships in the oh not so distant future!

I've had more reliable friends that are providers and clients vs people I see everyday...that I help everyday...that I've given my last dollar to, or given food from my kids' mouths and my own to provide them with "something" rather than having "nothing". Hell, I've even asked others to help my "RL friends" - who don't know them from a shit in the dog park.

Maybe it's part of my struggle...worrying about others. I can't help it. I always want to fix things. There's been only a few people who have been reliably there for me...3 of which are providers that I've known since I started this. (2005) My mother - who is there for me through thick and thin. Bullshit & Roses...Wife or provider. And thankfully - my IT whiz hobby friend. My "let's talk about anything and everything" hobby friend...who has gotten me out of a couple of jams before. and my "ancient" hobby friend (the one who's never forgotten a reason to send me an e-card.) There was one from many years ago whom I can't recall his name for the life of me. (well, I know his first name but not his handle.) I swear - had it not been for him...there would have been many nights without electricity, or medicine needed from the doctor and much more. We always listened to each other's current blah situations...both of us repeating the same advice over and over...but that's ok. We accepted each other for what we were. Listened and accepted advice or not.

[Tom_Cat]

Originally Posted by Reese Foster

Gentlemen, when you walk away from a lady friend...like not seeing her anymore...cutting off all communication with her, is it hard on you?

What are some of the reasons that you walk away?

Yes, of course. It hurts when you need to walk away from a friendship, no matter what the reasons. But that doesn't mean you won't still stop and think of that person fondly from time to time, and remember the good times and laughs and stories you shared together.

I'm sure it's not you Reese, or anything you said or did....sometimes we all have other things going on in our lives that pull us away from the people we'd like to spend time with...because we all need to sometimes shift gears and focus on other aspects or people in our lives.


OK... enough of the sad stuff... time to make some new friends. Let's go out and party together sometime Reese

OH.. and for all the guys that say it's not possible to make friends in the hobby.. I say b___s___. There are some ladies I have met in the hobby and seen for over 2 years, and one good friend for over 4 years... when you get to know each other's kids by their first names, and know their life story and they know yours...then yes, that's a friendship.

[Guest062124]

Originally Posted by Tom_Cat

Yes, of course. It hurts when you need to walk away from a friendship, no matter what the reasons. But that doesn't mean you won't still stop and think of that person fondly from time to time, and remember the good times and laughs and stories you shared together.

I'm sure it's not you Reese, or anything you said or did....sometimes we all have other things going on in our lives that pull us away from the people we'd like to spend time with...because we all need to sometimes shift gears and focus on other aspects or people in our lives.


OK... enough of the sad stuff... time to make some new friends. Let's go out and party together sometime Reese

OH.. and for all the guys that say it's not possible to make friends in the hobby.. I say b___s___. There are some ladies I have met in the hobby and seen for over 2 years, and one good friend for over 4 years... when you get to know each other's kids by their first names, and know their life story and they know yours...then yes, that's a friendship.

Thank you for your very nice post. I agree with and appreciate your opinion.

You sound like a great guy to hang with. I would love to!

[buzzworm86]

Originally Posted by Reese Foster

You all know by now that I am a softie and emotional..so I thought I would just confirm it with this thread.

Traci's post on the things we love about the hobby made me think about some of the people who came into my life because of the hobby, that I thought would be a part of my life for the long term. Had that been the outcome, I wouldn't be posting this.

Before anyone says anything negative....this is not a threAD or about money, this is about friendship and that is it. I am just wondering a couple of things..


Over the last few years, I have had several clients I considered close friends that have slowly but surely disappeared from every aspect of friendship that we had, (emails or texts checking on each other or sharing good news..Etc. ) which makes me believe that the "illusion of friendship" was used on me..lol. There wasn't a "falling out", miscommunication or anything negative that caused the rift in the relationships, so I guess that is what confuses me.

Gentlemen, when you walk away from a lady friend...like not seeing her anymore...cutting off all communication with her, is it hard on you?

What are some of the reasons that you walk away?

I am sure that I probably put too much emotion in everything I do, but when I consider someone a friend, it is really hard to lose them as one.


You can't make people be your friend, why would you want to? I just want some opinions on this. I know that we aren't supposed to take this thing too seriously, but I take all of my relationships that way, friendships and otherwise.


I hope this makes sense...and no, I am not PMSing.


Edited to add: Ladies feel free to give your opinions as well.

Hi, because I'm totally new to this "hobby" I hope you don't mind my input. I also hope any guys who read this do not take offense or infer that my generalities are a set rule and are not intended to offend or catagorize any body in any way.

My opinion is that if a provider establishes a friendship with a client she needs to go into the friendship asking why the client first saw her. The most probable answer is the client was wanting to get away from the emotionally committed sex that he may have with his SO. and just have a gratuitous romp for himself and him alone. If over time the relationship develops into a friendship the client may find himself feeling emotionally engulfed with both the provider and his SO. This becomes to much for him to handle, because he is wanting unatached sex. Furthermore a friendship with a person like me who has never ever been attached and has had next nothing regarding sexual relationships will pose the same risk. If someone like me is unattached why. Most likely because the thought of even the most casual of relationships is scary and seems burdonsome, so this client will not want to commit because it is not in his nature. You must understand this with the client. It is very similar to many provider posts I have read, where many providers state that the relationship is nothing but a "transaction" regarding the client which may be very hurtful to the client. In summary the client is fleeing attachment and the providers main concern is occupational and in regard to friendships they both totally mis each other because they are both comming into the provider/client relationship from very different needs. So a prolonged friendship is tenuous indeed. It just seems this is the way it is.
Consequently, I am sorry that you are hurting, lost frienships are painful, but it is not you as a person who is being rejected, it is about the clients need for emotional distance in his sex.
Take care

[Papacorn]

[quote=Eccie Addict;1608610]....and true friends don't let their friends work for them for free either.


Truer words never spoken EA! What kind of friend takes advantage of someone cause they can get it "for free". If it happens sometimes, ok! If I overspend, or do something nice sometimes with no "payback", great too!

Reese - you are correct about the disappointing feel of having communication cut off/not responded to. Like any other venue of having a friend, losing that friendship without knowing why hurts like hell.

I have several folks I consider good friends in this hobby. One I only saw once in the last year, but it was magical, and after 4 years of being involved, we both understood. I would never abandon a friend without saying why I had to move on, and hope I would be treated the same way.

I have one friend that I speak to daily, and feel fortunate to do so. This was a surprise connection, and one I treasure. Will the play portion last forever? No...But I hope the connection does. Don't we all?

Thanks for starting a great thread Reese.