Lowest Point

[motor]

[quote] Self-reflection, deep thoughts that go darker into the abyss and even deeper, if possible ... just sucks on a level that is inexplicable to others.

Elisabeth

It is hard to explain how dark it can get unless you have been to that spot. Myself, I have been there more often in the last few months than I have in my entire life....At different points, I am liking the darkness. I am rebuilding the wall that was torn down......I am afraid this time it will be more rienforced.

[ElisabethWhispers]

Sitting in that darkness becomes it's own type of comfortable blanket, doesn't it?

It's warm outside. You really don't need that heat.

Take care,
Elisabeth

[sirliamscross]

Originally Posted by motorload

I am rebuilding the wall that was torn down......I am afraid this time it will be more rienforced.

I hope you feel better knowing that other people have felt similarly... I know it's not much comfort, but at least you're not alone.

When I'm down - really down - I remind myself that "this too shall pass" and then I just give myself as much time to get over it as I need.

And you know what? It's hard to really appreciate the light unless you've been in the dark for a bit.

[Guest020720]

Originally Posted by sirliamscross

And you know what? It's hard to really appreciate the light unless you've been in the dark for a bit.

What a true statement.

It's amazing what life can bring us from day to day.

It is very easy to get into almost a self-pity way of life each day. (I've been there and done that...it resulting in getting to the same weight I was at when I was 9 months preggers. Not just bad for my health and my back - but a very poor example for my children as well. Whom I live and breathe for.)

I think we are all struggling with our own demons in different areas of our lives.

We may need a good cry, a shoulder to lean on or just someone to make us feel wanted and hell - just LIKED....to help pull us up out of the funk.

[motor]

Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

Sitting in that darkness becomes it's own type of comfortable blanket, doesn't it?



Take care,
Elisabeth

yes it does

[pmdelites]

motorload,

i've never been where you and a few others have talked about.
but i have seen plenty of friends get fried out, down in the dump, extremely depressed, etc.
i would say first - talk w/ someone who is really close to you but not related. just tell them what's going on - it can lift some of the wall so you can see light.

then, instead of jumping directly into the med/Rx route, talk w/ a counselor or psychologist - someone who can evaluate you and give you suggestions how to lift the wall even higher so you see more light.

if necessary, go see a psychiatrist or medical doctor for more evals/tests, etc.

there is lots of great advice above, from helping others, to walking in nature [even if it is getting warm], to listening to great music, to writing a journal, to .....

and, like many have said, you will get thru this. where you want to wind up will help you get where you want to wind up.

peace be with you!!!!
i'm in n.e. dallas. let me know if you want to meet somewhere to talk. [serious!!]

[BigPurdy]

Motor,

Hang in there dude. It always scares me to read or hear someone engaged in this type of conversation. Having never been a victim of depression, bipolar-ism, ADD, OCD and all of the rest of the acronyms, I have a really difficult time understanding and God knows I would never offer up any advise. Pulling yourself out of those doldrums is more than likely something you must do on your own, or at least make the decision to seek necessary assistance.

One thing worthy of mention is the fact that a large portion of the population has never had issues with depression. From first hand experience, I can tell you that if someone has not, they have no benchmark in which to base any opinion of the disorder. I would think that speaking to someone who has walked in those shoes would be beneficial. My SO suffers from depression and mild OCD, but then who wouldn't if they were married to me? She is on medication and is able to handle things relatively well.

An example of the way my mind functions is that my initial analysis for kids with ADD and bipolar-ism is that they probably were not disciplined enough growing up. Now that I have two friends with sons that have bipolar disorder, I have discovered how completely ignorant that assessment happens to be.

I guess the reason for my rambling is just to say that there are folks like me that don't know you, but due to this hobby, we feel somewhat connected and we wish nothing but the best for you, even though we do not understand exactly what you go through on a daily basis. Good luck to you and know that a PM is just a mouse click away.

BP

[motor]

guys, thanks for the encouraging messages. For some reason, this has had a tight grip for sometime now. Some days are better than others and some just down right suck. This is something that has really tried my strength...........thanks again

[motor]

Originally Posted by Boltfan

Motor,

I told you I would not comment on the other thread because I wanted to speak with you in person. I won't get into it much here as I hope to see you tomorrow night.

Brother, it seems right now, even with all the tragedy, you are forgetting the gifts you have in life. Perhaps seeing the darker side of life is something needed to shake you.

When my kids started having the "expectations" thing about gifts rather than appreciating what they had I knew it was time to take a visit to the shelter/food lines, etc. during the holidays and show them another side of life. Some of my friends here know what life has dealt me over the past few years but in comparison to others I have gifts beyond measure.

Don't ever forget the good around you. You have friends, you have a job, you seem to have your health. You are better off than many many others in this world. Volunteer my friend to help others who are less fortunate and I bet you will find an inner comfort you have not felt before. Life can be very shitty, but you are far better off than most and it seems you have forgot that.

Bolt, while i commend you on teaching your children that there is more to life that aobjects. When my first wife and I were getting evictied from our apartment, my dad shows up needing a place to stay. Bolt, I will never forget the look in his face when I drove off leaving him at a shelter downtown. i have sought professional help for this. I think iy may be working. But, I am almost to the point that it doesnt matter any more. Let me give a little insight into todays activities........woke up around 7:30 fed the dogs.....went back to bed........talked to Lana for a minute. Went back to sleep......woke up around 5, fed the dogs, ate some dinner. The wathched a little TV' Started writing this because you seem to actuallully understand some what of whta is happening. My guess is if you do know where my mind is, then you know the next step.
motorjamesload

[robs4.1]

Motor,

Not sure what I am able to do or even not do but I agree w/CanDo and hoping a vacation would do you some good. Hope everything works out.