Reviewing The Wreckage

[Fast Gunn]

All of us in the hobby or in civilian life have at one time or another found a special someone that we felt very fortunate to have met and could not get enough.

We wanted the relationship to continue and thought the other person felt the same way since she was always available when we wanted her.

However, the relationship ended suddenly, traumatically and disastrously.

Tell us your story. What happened? Why did it end? What did you learn?

I think there are certain recurring elements in this common story and maybe we can all learn how to avoid or at least minimize this heartache in the future.

In my case, I was not wise enough and I was blinded by their beauty to the cruelty of their spirit.

Thankfully, I finally recovered from both train wrecks, but I did learn some painful lessons.

As the lyrics of the song said "getting lost in her loving is your first mistake"

[PhantomofTheOpera]

What I learned is not to believe a provider, period, if they step outside the bounds of being a provider for the time they are paid to be around. Meaning they are claiming they have “feelings” for you and want things to exist in the “real” world between the two of you. I also learned that, in spite of what others have written, no provider/client relationship will ever work no matter how much time and effort is put into it, never, because the P4P world is based on lies and not being honest with each other. The ones that think this realm is honest are just in a delusion.

After being told things repeatedly and having her get mad when I fairly questioned her, I found out that all the BS from her was just that and it was a play for nothing more than money. Cost me a great deal in time, energy, emotions and other things. I don't have the time or the patience for that bullshit and I have stopped seeing providers who have said something similar to me in the time since then.

Ultimately, whose fault was it? Eh... It was mine since I allowed it to happen.

~~~~~

FastGunn.... sorry you went through that. Some girls are incredibly nice, sweet and a total blast to be around and have around, while others are as ugly as hell because of their real personality which is cold, calculating and cruel even if their outward beauty is good.

And yes, Gordon Lightfoot is very right in that song lyric.

Remember, all of what I wrote above is just my opinion.

[Cpalmson]

Years ago, I met a wonderful provider. We hit it off on so many different levels. I saw her several times, and she was hinting at starting up something quasi regular-- sort of like a sugar daddy/friends with benefits arrangement. I was young and naive and probably let her get a little too close. She knew where I lived and other things. She could have been easily setting me up. Then all of a sudden with only a few cryptic phone calls, she disappeared from the scene. It was not too long after this that I took an extensive hiatus from hobbying. What did I learn? I learned not to set expectations too high. I learned to be not so open and carefree. I learned not to host provider at home. I learned that it is not a good thing to see the same provider on multiple visits within a short time span. Since then, I discovered sites like ECCIE and others that offer reviews, tips, and experiences (both client and provider).

[Fast Gunn]

That is one of the difficult lessons I learned myself.

You simply cannot see her too often.

It's a tough and counter-intuitive decision because seeing that special girl feels so delicious that she can become addictive.

However, if you are too eager to see her, she knows she's "got" you.

. . . And in the intervals, you need to see other girls.

[Cpalmson]

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

. . . And in the intervals, you need to see other girls.

Absolutely!

[pornodave69]

I wish I knew the answer to this question. I had what I thought was a special friend. We got close and I never expected anything more than friendship and paying to play. Kind of a friend with benefits, but I'm paying for the benefits. Our last encounter was a little fucked up, but very passionate and intimate. Maybe too intimate for her. I don't know exactly what happened, but I think she thinks I had more feelings involved than there was. I know some of the things she thinks are wrong, but not knowing exactly what she thinks and why is the big question. Since she hasn't spoken to me since, I don't know. Wish I did.

[Likinikki]

FastGunn...there should be one more option [both of our faults]

[Fast Gunn]

Yes, I know about the combined guilt option, Likinikki.

I considered putting more options in the poll, but I wanted to keep it as fundamental as possible to avoid confusing the issue which is why I added "mostly" in the wording.

These traumatic break-ups can be very complicated to decipher, however, you can always provide as much detail as you want in your post.

. . . You didn't really tell us much, girl!

[JohnMacnab]

It's a lot like being a biker. There are two kinds of bikers. The ones who have crashed, and the ones who are going to crash.

If you fool around with women, eventually you are going to have a crash. When it happens, and provided you survive, get up, limp over to the side of the road, sit down, and take an inventory of all your shit. Then don't make any decisions about what to do next untill everything stops hurting.

The "stops hurting" part can take anywhere from 15 minutes, up to, it never stops hurting.

[Bobave]

Originally Posted by Likinikki

FastGunn...there should be one more option [both of our faults]

I think well of you, but sorry, baby, no... one way or the other, somebody fucked it up.

[Fast Gunn]

I have had motorcycles and I have had beautiful women and I can tell that the most simple woman is still much more complicated than the most tricked out motorcycle that you can find. There is no comparison in the two so don't waste time in study of that false comparison.

Since I have not yet heard many lessons learned about these traumatic break-ups that can help a brother or a lady minimize them, I will mention some that are so fundamental that they are generally the first ones overlooked in the hobby and maybe prime the pump.

Rule #1: You have to learn to keep your emotional distance.

We're not playing on a level playing field, fellas. These ladies can see 6 or 10 guys a day while you may see one or two ladies a week. Who do you think is more experienced in these dealings?

Rule #2: She is selling you a fantasy. The fantasy will often seem so real because that is her intention and the pleasure so intense because she wants her customers to return with more money that you forget it's a fantasy. She wants you to forget that it is a fantasy. Don't forget!

Rule #3: Enjoy the ride, but don't fall in love with the car!

[geecue]

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

All of us in the hobby or in civilian life have at one time or another found a special someone that we felt very fortunate to have met and could not get enough.

We wanted the relationship to continue and thought the other person felt the same way since she was always available when we wanted her.

However, the relationship ended suddenly, traumatically and disastrously.

Tell us your story. What happened? Why did it end? What did you learn?

I think there are certain recurring elements in this common story and maybe we can all learn how to avoid or at least minimize this heartache in the future.

In my case, I was not wise enough and I was blinded by their beauty to the cruelty of their spirit.

Thankfully, I finally recovered from both train wrecks, but I did learn some painful lessons.

As the lyrics of the song said "getting lost in her loving is your first mistake"

Yes been there done that, took awhile to get over it also.

Learned this.

http://youtu.be/byOzCJauEbw

[moneytree2012]

Originally Posted by PhantomofTheOpera

What I learned is not to believe a provider, period, if they step outside the bounds of being a provider for the time they are paid to be around. Meaning they are claiming they have “feelings” for you and want things to exist in the “real” world between the two of you. I also learned that, in spite of what others have written, no provider/client relationship will ever work no matter how much time and effort is put into it, never, because the P4P world is based on lies and not being honest with each other. The ones that think this realm is honest are just in a delusion.

After being told things repeatedly and having her get mad when I fairly questioned her, I found out that all the BS from her was just that and it was a play for nothing more than money. Cost me a great deal in time, energy, emotions and other things. I don't have the time or the patience for that bullshit and I have stopped seeing providers who have said something similar to me in the time since then.

Ultimately, whose fault was it? Eh... It was mine since I allowed it to happen.

~~~~~

FastGunn.... sorry you went through that. Some girls are incredibly nice, sweet and a total blast to be around and have around, while others are as ugly as hell because of their real personality which is cold, calculating and cruel even if their outward beauty is good.

And yes, Gordon Lightfoot is very right in that song lyric.

Remember, all of what I wrote above is just my opinion.

I've never been in a position to "fall for" but was made to feel that I was just more than a trick. In the end, it was what I was able to provide for her benefit. It wasn't money, but it had monetary value. My litmus test since then is if she will have a "no strings attached" lunch. If the answer is no, I cut the rope, including any further sessions. Fast Gunn, sorry you got hosed the way you did.

[oldmarine]

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

Rule #1: You have to learn to keep your emotional distance.

We're not playing on a level playing field, fellas. These ladies can see 6 or 10 guys a day while you may see one or two ladies a week. Who do you think is more experienced in these dealings?

Rule #2: She is selling you a fantasy. The fantasy will often seem so real because that is her intention and the pleasure so intense because she wants her customers to return with more money that you forget it's a fantasy. She wants you to forget that it is a fantasy. Don't forget!

Rule #3: Enjoy the ride, but don't fall in love with the car!

All of the above are good advice but can be hard to stick to. The better the fantasy the easier it is to forget.

[Mokoa]

Originally Posted by Fast Gunn

Rule #1: You have to learn to keep your emotional distance.

We're not playing on a level playing field, fellas. These ladies can see 6 or 10 guys a day while you may see one or two ladies a week. Who do you think is more experienced in these dealings?

That may not always be case. Especially if the lady is in her twenties and the gentleman is in his forties or older then he may have far more experience.