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Heiny · 11-28-2018, 03:49 PM

Fetlife has a lot of guys who do not understand the role and responsibility of being a Dom. Communication and setting boundaries are the key.

A good Dom gets in the head of their sub - Discovers what pushes them. Its not just tying someone up and spanking them...although it can be. If you really want to experience it, you have to accept that the sub has all of the real power and the Dom has only the power the sub allocates to them and only for as long as the sub wants the Dom to have the power.

As a sub, if you truly surrender your power to the Dom you can have a completely liberating experience.

stavinChain · 11-28-2018, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heiny

Fetlife has a lot of guys who do not understand the role and responsibility of being a Dom. Communication and setting boundaries are the key.

A good Dom gets in the head of their sub - Discovers what pushes them. Its not just tying someone up and spanking them...although it can be. If you really want to experience it, you have to accept that the sub has all of the real power and the Dom has only the power the sub allocates to them and only for as long as the sub wants the Dom to have the power.

As a sub, if you truly surrender your power to the Dom you can have a completely liberating experience.

THIS

GoAheadMkMyDay · 11-29-2018, 06:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heiny

Fetlife has a lot of guys who do not understand the role and responsibility of being a Dom. Communication and setting boundaries are the key.

A good Dom gets in the head of their sub - Discovers what pushes them. Its not just tying someone up and spanking them...although it can be. If you really want to experience it, you have to accept that the sub has all of the real power and the Dom has only the power the sub allocates to them and only for as long as the sub wants the Dom to have the power.

As a sub, if you truly surrender your power to the Dom you can have a completely liberating experience.

Ditto. And what OldRichWhiteGuy said. And it gets expensive and VERY time consuming. Good toys and equipment are not easy to find (really specialty items) and not easy to hide. Bondage, spanking, teasing, and all sorts of kinks and fetishes should NEVER be rushed.

As the sub, do you think you want to be dominated for 30m? 60m? I have had a couple of relationships of this type (including a current SB) and I NEVER spend less than 2 hours with her and usually 3-4 or more if I can. Some time before, lots of play time, but lots of after time, too. As wild and willing as most subs in my experience are, most also actually want a feeling of safety and security. They want to give up everything (at least for that period of time to you). Any real Dom knows there is a lot of RESPONSIBILITY that goes along with the gift of her submission. Its a whole 'nother level of intimacy.

Now add that up from a guy's perspective. Finding someone that will admit she likes it and likes the same things you do. Making a connection. Building the trust. Per hour appointments for 3-4 hours each. Time away from the RW responsibilities. It just adds up very fast. Oh, a renting a real dungeon/play world as well, if you want to do it right. Almost as much as the ladies time.

In a perfect world, I'd build a dungeon (multiple rooms) with all sorts of different things to play with, and ... well, let you imagination run away with itself.

I love all you ladies that like this stuff. You're such interesting people.

naughtyangel4u · 11-29-2018, 07:19 PM

Amiliah Rayne, I agree with you about that. It's rare when I find a gentleman who understands my submissive side.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amiliah Rayne

I don't think it's very popular period but I could be wrong

Guest033019 · 11-30-2018, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by papadee

I just think it's less applicable to the hobby than outside the hobby. Do you, as a provider, really want to give up that much control to strangers? And does the Dom want to pay someone to dominate? Right there is a loss of control.

I'm not worried about my safety because everyone knows Dorthy Will Throat Punch You Into The Middle Of Next Week If You Try Anything..

But this is where I'm confused you're asking me if I'm willing to give up control to strangers but yet men give up total control when they go see a Dom so what's the difference?

Men pay to get dominated because it's a fantasy or something they enjoy so why couldn't it be the other way around? Maybe I'm missing something

Guest033019 · 11-30-2018, 10:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heiny

Fetlife has a lot of guys who do not understand the role and responsibility of being a Dom. Communication and setting boundaries are the key.

A good Dom gets in the head of their sub - Discovers what pushes them. Its not just tying someone up and spanking them...although it can be. If you really want to experience it, you have to accept that the sub has all of the real power and the Dom has only the power the sub allocates to them and only for as long as the sub wants the Dom to have the power.

As a sub, if you truly surrender your power to the Dom you can have a completely liberating experience.

Exactly This Is What People Don't Understand I Need To Save This..

Guest033019 · 11-30-2018, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoAheadMkMyDay

Ditto. And what OldRichWhiteGuy said. And it gets expensive and VERY time consuming. Good toys and equipment are not easy to find (really specialty items) and not easy to hide. Bondage, spanking, teasing, and all sorts of kinks and fetishes should NEVER be rushed.

As the sub, do you think you want to be dominated for 30m? 60m? I have had a couple of relationships of this type (including a current SB) and I NEVER spend less than 2 hours with her and usually 3-4 or more if I can. Some time before, lots of play time, but lots of after time, too. As wild and willing as most subs in my experience are, most also actually want a feeling of safety and security. They want to give up everything (at least for that period of time to you). Any real Dom knows there is a lot of RESPONSIBILITY that goes along with the gift of her submission. Its a whole 'nother level of intimacy.

Now add that up from a guy's perspective. Finding someone that will admit she likes it and likes the same things you do. Making a connection. Building the trust. Per hour appointments for 3-4 hours each. Time away from the RW responsibilities. It just adds up very fast. Oh, a renting a real dungeon/play world as well, if you want to do it right. Almost as much as the ladies time.

In a perfect world, I'd build a dungeon (multiple rooms) with all sorts of different things to play with, and ... well, let you imagination run away with itself.

I love all you ladies that like this stuff. You're such interesting people.

But like I've said before guys get dominated for 30/60min I just don't understand how this is so different!

Me pegging a guys ass while he is tied up or me getting face fucked while hog tied and spanked they'res NO DIFFERENCE!

If someone had something that really just clicked I'm sure things could be worked out! Those who charge more for real fetish stuff are crazy !

Guest033019 · 11-30-2018, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by naughtyangel4u

Amiliah Rayne, I agree with you about that. It's rare when I find a gentleman who understands my submissive side.

Adventurous1 · 11-30-2018, 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amiliah Rayne

But like I've said before guys get dominated for 30/60min I just don't understand how this is so different!

Me pegging a guys ass while he is tied up or me getting face fucked while hog tied and spanked they'res NO DIFFERENCE!

If someone had something that really just clicked I'm sure things could be worked out! Those who charge more for real fetish stuff are crazy !

"Me pegging a guys ass while he is tied up or me getting face fucked while hog tied and spanked they'res NO DIFFERENCE!"

I suppose my question would be what turns you on more, doing the pegging or receiving the spanking? For me, whatever really gets my partner going excites me. That can be me being more on the Top role or bottom role. I am drawn to Dominant women because, at least the impression they give, they love sex and want to be there. A submissive could likewise love the sex want to be there and really get off on that experience. I have had a significant other that relished this. She loved Spank-Fuck, Throat-Fuck, push hard into the bed as I fucked her from behind, throw her around from position to position. She just loved that and, as a result, I found it exciting. On the other hand, I always enjoy a good face sitting session and would love to find a woman that brings herself to climax while pegging me.

noginworking · 01-26-2019, 01:05 PM

Amiliah, super topic! I am 53. The bad sessions that I have had when not pharmacologically based on the providers part, have all been when with woman who were natural Doms. It’s like the power play wasn’t sexy as they control the time. I didn’t know why these sessions were my bad ones until at 5- I joined Fetlife and found out that I am Dominant. I now ask a provider when screening them on the phone. If they gravitate to it, they usually are genuinely submissive. The amount that can be done is 30 minutes is a big limiter, but I now avoid Doms. A natural submissive loves me. How it goes with trust is my job to earn. But one thing to note: the CEO type that wants to let go gets a lot of fun from being a sub. It isn’t for me though. You guys close to Amiliah, avail yourselves of this great asset to your area. I’d have her squirting all over me if I was close. Come to lovely Pittsburgh, lovely. Thanks for the topic to converse about.

Guest033019 · 01-26-2019, 04:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noginworking

Amiliah, super topic! I am 53. The bad sessions that I have had when not pharmacologically based on the providers part, have all been when with woman who were natural Doms. It’s like the power play wasn’t sexy as they control the time. I didn’t know why these sessions were my bad ones until at 5- I joined Fetlife and found out that I am Dominant. I now ask a provider when screening them on the phone. If they gravitate to it, they usually are genuinely submissive. The amount that can be done is 30 minutes is a big limiter, but I now avoid Doms. A natural submissive loves me. How it goes with trust is my job to earn. But one thing to note: the CEO type that wants to let go gets a lot of fun from being a sub. It isn’t for me though. You guys close to Amiliah, avail yourselves of this great asset to your area. I’d have her squirting all over me if I was close. Come to lovely Pittsburgh, lovely. Thanks for the topic to converse about.

It's so far lol no problem sweetcheecks

ElisabethWhispers · 01-27-2019, 10:06 AM

Hi Amiliah,

I'll share with you my experience of trying to provide a submissive experience for men.

It didn't work out for me.

When I was new to "this," I tried to find actual dominate men to get some real life experience with being submissive. With one exception, and I met him through one of my roommates over a decade ago, nothing worked out.

Men who said that they were "experienced" either were not or were bullies and wanted to hurt a female. SOOOOO many men told me that they were REALLY experienced and were just lying about it or they were the "suck my dick bitch" type of dominates (holds your head while telling you to suck my dick, bitch, and more or less just being rude), which really isn't being very dominate in my world view.

Most of my experiences were men who just liked being debasing towards me rather than being a loving dominate, which would have been my preference, or even not so loving and just ... aggressively masculine.

I thought that offering such activities would appeal to my sexuality in some fashion and instead, it turned me off to EVER being submissive to anyone.

Plus, when done correctly (from the one experienced man who actually knew what he was doing) and again, my experience only ... leaves you completely drained for a day or two.

Sub drop is real and afterwards, rest is needed.

Also, you won't be able to work if you have bruises on you and frankly, you might enjoy getting those bruises.

Anyway, too much information, I know. Just be careful about allowing some stranger to tie you up, etc.

You're savvy to this world. Good luck with what you decide.

Some shared good info above!!!

Hugs,
Elisabeth

fpguy · 01-31-2019, 04:38 PM

Elizabeth has word smithed the point eloquently. I am dominate and truly enjoy a real sub.I have been around for longer than I care to admit but it has been a good ride. I was trained in my late 20’s by a true courtesan in the arts and through traveling between NY and SF I learned a lot. I have only met a few women in our arena that are into being a true submissive and those relationships only came after trust and several encounters, unfortunately as we all know good things end, some called because they missed the experience and wanted a session. I paid but it always went longer because of after care, I am toward end of my frivolity and so,I issue a word of caution in today’s envoirment when a provider ask you to spank her butt and leave some marks buyer beware.