❤️❤️Have you ever tried polyamory ? ❤️❤️

[monica austin1]

Have you ever tried polyamory ?

What is the difference for YOU between Polyamory and Hobbying ?

If variety is your goal? Why have you or have not tried it?

In my experience, polyamorous lovers are the most thoughtful and honest.

Here are some thoughts ....

“Sharing a partner creates shifts in the dynamic of trust and intimacy,” says Thompson.
That can be a slippery slope—especially if your relationship isn’t that solid to begin with. “Thoughtful polyamory takes more maturity and a stronger relationship from the start because the issues of jealousy and trust can be so difficult to navigate,”

...... I have tried polyamory and was fun and the relationship ended for something totally unrelated .... I am not interested in a relationship right now but when I am I would certainly entertain it ... again!

[sue_nami]

I am poly and have been for years. I usually always have had multiple lovers of both sexes that I had romantic relationships with. I always have a male primary and we have women on the side solo and as a couple. the longest 3some was 6 years as a fmf trio and boy that was awesome. Do not be confused for a moment, this hobby has NOTHING to do with love and romance and poly lifestyle. I have never dated a client and do not mix business with my personal romantic life. I am not wired to love just one person romantically and was never good at monogamy anyway. Then at about age 40 I gave up on monogamy as not for me. Just decided to live a truthful open life and no more cheating for me. this hobby is not about love, romantic attachments or becoming emotionally involved. I keep those sections of my life separate. I do not have romantic emotions for my friends from here, they are just that FRIENDS. there is a huge difference between romantic love and the friendship and affection that I get in this hobby. I intend to always keep them separate.

[monica austin1]

Sue..
thank you for clarifying and sharing. I love people who are honest with themselves and know what works for them. I believe there is a level of maturity and open mindedness (plus fluidity).
i totally understand there is a huge difference between polyamory and hobby, not only the money, but the emotional investment and the gender fluidity!

I am amazed how few people know about polyamory or are willing to try it ! And very important to never mixed the friends in our individual/sexy life with friends in the hobby !

[Dev Null]

Originally Posted by sue_nami

I am poly and have been for years. I usually always have had multiple lovers of both sexes that I had romantic relationships with. I always have a male primary and we have women on the side solo and as a couple. the longest 3some was 6 years as a fmf trio and boy that was awesome. Do not be confused for a moment, this hobby has NOTHING to do with love and romance and poly lifestyle. I have never dated a client and do not mix business with my personal romantic life. I am not wired to love just one person romantically and was never good at monogamy anyway. Then at about age 40 I gave up on monogamy as not for me. Just decided to live a truthful open life and no more cheating for me. this hobby is not about love, romantic attachments or becoming emotionally involved. I keep those sections of my life separate. I do not have romantic emotions for my friends from here, they are just that FRIENDS. there is a huge difference between romantic love and the friendship and affection that I get in this hobby. I intend to always keep them separate.

Sue, that makes perfect sense to me. It's one thing to have lovers outside of the typical couple kind of thing.

It's quite another to decide that you are free enough to hobby and get your groove on with those that you don't consider lovers. Or maybe that's not the right way to put it.

I am in awe of all of our lovely gals in the hobby for their willingness to open themselves up to the emotional and physical demands of the hobby, even if it sometimes requires a bit of acting.

The best of the best make it appear to be no act at all. That is a talent that should be more widely appreciated, because it's got to be very hard to sustain.

I imagine that it would be difficult to keep the real world and the hobby world separate, in the same sense that actors in character may get caught up in their acting part and forget about their real-world personality.

In the acting world, on-screen lovers often turn into real-life lovers, but it doesn't usually last. If the chemistry is good, then that leads to another part with a different on-screen lover, and things move on.

Polyamory is not serial monogamy. The closest that I've come is when a girlfriend set me up with one of her girlfriends to open up the relationship. Looking back, maybe that was just her way of saying that she wanted to cheat on me without guilt. Eventually, she cheated on me and the relationship ended badly.

And I was open to both of us having other lovers. But I still had all of these fairy tales in my head, and it just didn't end well. You know, the handsome prince and the sleeping beauty - all those binary myths.

So I think if polyamory is going to work, it takes a certain amount of deconstruction of the myths that we grew up with.

I've never been in a situation like that, so I can't speak to how that happens.

I just have this idea in my head that if polyamory is ever going to work, that it will take a certain amount of demythologizing about what it means to be a person in this world.

It may be the way of the future, I don't know. Maybe it's the way of the past, and more in line with human nature.

[monica austin1]

Sue... so sweet that you are contributing !
Dev Null,

Our behavior to anything that gives us pleasure is about our conditioning! The way our society, family and environment shaped our views including about sex. There is no right or wrong !
I believe there are very few animals/insects that are monogamous ...(please correct me if I am wrong).... humans love variety
Polyamory is another dimension to our needs for intimacy, sex, sensuality and connection, it also creates a sense of community ! Others choose, monogamy, marriage, celibacy, pansexualism (??), hobbying. As long as we are honest with ourselves and do not mislead anybody ... it is ok.
Regarding acting while being an escort... life is an act and perception ... you act that you like your boss’s.. or the wife acts she is in the mood when she wants a new car ... very similar ... but some us love men and sex so much that we are not acting .... we are enjoying ourselves ... and there is true connection... that is very special and we are lucky we are so free in the mind and the body to do that !

Now there is AI sexy robots (like Harmony), that is ok. Humans have a need for sex and intimacy paired with CURIOSITY that makes this world more interesting !
never about judgement, always about love and inclusiveness ... life is fun !

[Dev Null]

Originally Posted by monica austin1

Sue... so sweet that you are contributing !
Dev Null,

Our behavior to anything that gives us pleasure is about our conditioning! The way our society, family and environment shaped our views including about sex. There is no right or wrong !
I believe theee are very few animals/insects that are monogamous ...(please correct me if I am wrong).... humans love variety
Polyamory is another dimension to our needs for intimacy, sex, sensuality and connection, it also creates a sense of community ! Others choose, monogamy, marriage, celibacy, pansexualism (??), hobbying. As long as we are honest with ourselves and do not mislead anybody ... it is ok.
Regarding acting while being escort... life is an act and perception ... you act that you like your boss’s.. or the wife acts she is in the mood when she wants a new car ... very similar ... but some us love men and sex so much that we are not acting .... we are enjoying ourselves ... and there is true connection... that is very special and we are lucky we are so free in the mind and the body to do that !

Now there is AI sexy robots (like Harmony), that is ok. Humans have a need for sex and intimacy paired with CURIOSITY that makes this world more interesting !
never about judgement, always about love and inclusiveness ... life is fun !

Monica, thanks for expressing your thoughts on this. Great insight.

I think that it varies from species to species. Whooping cranes mate for life, but bonobos pretty much mate with anything that moves, if my understanding is correct.

No judgment, but maybe there are different varieties of humans. Some are more comfortable one on one, and others like to walk on the wild side.

Our conditioning definitely has an influence, but our disposition also comes into play.

If we are honest with ourselves and each other, we can sometimes get what we want. Other times, we get something different, and that's okay.

I like the idea that maybe sometimes the hobby isn't all an act. Maybe it just is what it is, people enjoying the moment and having some adult fun in a mutually beneficial arrangement.

I try to make it fun for everyone, but I'll never know. I try to keep it fun by asking for what I want so that it's consensual, but not always. Sometimes I'll slip a finger or a tongue in the a-hole without asking and hope that it's okay.

Presumably she'll tell me no if that's not okay, but I wonder if she's thinking, I don't like it, but there's money on the line, so I'll let it go. So sometimes I've asked if it was okay after the fact, and usually the answer is, no you were good.

I don't tend to take liberties like that in real-world relationships, so maybe there's a bit of a whore-madonna complex going on there.

But other than trying things that I wouldn't ordinarily try, I really don't see much difference between a lover and a hooker. I still get emotionally attached to a hooker, if there is chemistry, much like I do with a lover. And it's always a little sad to leave.

I just know from the start that it is more temporary than a lover and adjust my expectations accordingly. Lovers are not a sure thing by any means.

Maybe expectations like that come into play in polyamory, or maybe those kinds of relationships can be more permanent.

I don't know. I'm more of a serial monogamist in real life, but I'm polyamorous in the hobby. Maybe I don't know who I really am.

I just think it's a fascinating subject for discourse, so thanks for sharing.

[sue_nami]

see that's the whole deal. I am not acting, I LOVE giving pleasure. I get off on helping folks achieve a new level of sexual pleasure and I think of it as a mentoring and teaching role in many instances. I do not have to fake a thing here, I get joy and pleasure from their joy and pleasure. it is called compersion and I have it going on. I do not have to pretend or act differently to my friends here, it is genuine joy, passion and pleasure to do this. For me,romance comes from a different place in my heart. I am quite comfy in the fwb scenario as well as the lovers scenrio as well at the sexual mentor, explorer and pleasure activist on a friend basis. I never pretend to be anyone's girlfriend, I do not do full service because i do not want to pretend anything. I am just the best sexual teacher, friend, coach and mentor they could desire with genuine love of giving pleasure and knowledge and skills. I do not give romantic love lightly but I give sexual pleasure and joy freely. 2 different things

[monica austin1]

Sue and Dev,
Awesome to hear your views !
Again, there is no right or wrong .... I enjoy giving pleasure! I won’t put a name on it .... I am just lucky that I can do what I want and being a pleasure provider or a cock astronaut (my fav).... but that does not define me ... it is another dimension of me... I have so many interests and career options.
Once a read fascinated about the pristest in the Aphrodite temples provided pleasure and high an amazing place In society ... i hope I am
Channeling one of those ladies and not being a ... you know what LOL

[Dev Null]

I love me a good temple priestess. I love to worship at the temple.

[sue_nami]

I love your attitude Monica
Dev, you're one of the coolest guys here


great topic and discussions y'all

[Dev Null]

Originally Posted by sue_nami

see that's the whole deal. I am not acting, I LOVE giving pleasure. I get off on helping folks achieve a new level of sexual pleasure and I think of it as a mentoring and teaching role in many instances. I do not have to fake a thing here, I get joy and pleasure from their joy and pleasure. it is called compersion and I have it going on. I do not have to pretend or act differently to my friends here, it is genuine joy, passion and pleasure to do this. For me,romance comes from a different place in my heart. I am quite comfy in the fwb scenario as well as the lovers scenrio as well at the sexual mentor, explorer and pleasure activist on a friend basis. I never pretend to be anyone's girlfriend, I do not do full service because i do not want to pretend anything. I am just the best sexual teacher, friend, coach and mentor they could desire with genuine love of giving pleasure and knowledge and skills. I do not give romantic love lightly but I give sexual pleasure and joy freely. 2 different things

Understood, although I tend to give romantic love lightly.

There is a bartender of the feminine variety that I have a crush on, and I bestow compliments on her choice of tops and how the colors look good on her.

The kind of thing that a boyfriend would say, even though all I'm getting out of it is a little conversation, a glimpse of her legs and her figure, and maybe a muddled fantasy of how things might be if I was a little closer to her age. Also her delight at being complimented.

And I sometimes think about her in a way that she might find creepy if she knew about it. But I leave it at that, because I know that she needs to have her own life and find her own adventures.

So there is a romance going on in my head about her, and a different romance about my ATF hobby girl, and a different romance about my ATF cam girl, and a different romance about my ex-fiancee who was the love of my life, but that whole thing is hopeless.

In my dreams, my ex-fiancee love of my life comes up most often, but I'm constantly surprised by all of the spontaneous women that I meet in my dreams that have no counterpart in reality.

I think that guys like me are hard-wired for novelty, and they mostly want someone, anyone different than they've ever seen before. Hence the hobby.

Simultaneously, we are hard-wired for someone who is familiar. Hence the desire for the sleeping beauty and handsome prince mythology, and the monogamous happily ever after.

Being a single guy, I can't speak from the point of view of married guys. But really, I'm just a wannabe married guy who didn't get the girl that he had in mind.

Still I fantasize about her least of all, and practically anyone else on the planet most of all.

So maybe I'm a polyamorist who narrowly escaped the confines of normality. Or maybe I'm just a fucked-up pervert, and she narrowly escaped getting stuck with me.

Either way, I guess it's a good thing, as Martha Stewart would say.

[Dev Null]

Originally Posted by sue_nami

I love your attitude Monica
Dev, you're one of the coolest guys here


great topic and discussions y'all

Awwww, that's so sweet. Thank you, Sue

[monica austin1]

Thank you Sue ...
Dev ... it is ok about the female bartender as long as you give her a good tip

[Dev Null]

Threads aren't getting bumped as usual when people post. I like this thread, so let's see if it bumps.

If you see another thread that you like that's not getting bumped, please try to bump it too. I'm guessing it's a temporary website glitch.

[Dev Null]

Originally Posted by monica austin1

Thank you Sue ...
Dev ... it is ok about the female bartender as long as you give her a good tip

I want her to know that she is appreciated, so I aim towards 25%. Any more and I'm afraid it might be creepy.

I tip the guy 25% too when she's not there. I usually go more towards 20%, and I want to tip extra for the occasional peek at her figure, but I don't want the guys to feel left out.

So it's 25% all around. Am I being a cheapskate?