SO's and The Hobby

[RALPHEY BOY]

Originally Posted by Little Monster

If I ever caught one of my girlfriends even flirting with another dude I would bash both their fucken skulls in without even thinking twice about it. So I guess I could never date an active provider.

you need some anger management, you are will to commit assault for your gf flirting with someone?? either that or you super jealous?

[Little Monster]

I'm super jealous. Never denied that.

[Omnivor]

If , as you said, he was unwilling to help financially with getting out of the business implies that he was capable of doing so, or you would have said he was unable to, rather than unwilling.

If he had the means and was not willing, how serious was the commitment anyways. If you're not in it together, with a shared commitment it should have been an obvious choice to get out, however it needed to be done.

I hope you can achieve you're goal of having an so that is everything you wanted, but I doubt That one was anything close to start with if you couldn't get him to commit to getting you out, with his full support.

[TemptationTammie]

Originally Posted by Little Monster

If I ever caught one of my girlfriends even flirting with another dude I would bash both their fucken skulls in without even thinking twice about it. So I guess I could never date an active provider.

This seems like a double standard, unless you would be leaving the hobby for her.
I like my variety so I feel it's only fair for my partner to have a little variety as long as I come before any other lady.

[TehRyc]

Originally Posted by The Infamous One

I recently spoke to some of the ladies about this, but wanted to get you guys opinions. I just can't seem to balance a healthy relationship and be in the hobby. I stayed completely single for many years for this reason. I recently dated someone and entered a seemingly healthy happy relationship. He is not a hobbyist. He's a great guy and friend first before dating who knew what I did for most of my income. Le sigh... Then the time came when he switched it up and said that we could go no further in the relationship if I were to continue to provide. Although he didn't put any pressure on me to quit, this really started effecting me negatively & my ability to be a great provide or girlfriend. I started to feel really gutilty & sad. I couldn't do any of it right. Soon I became a shell of a woman. I asked him if he could take over if I left the hobby, but he wasn't prepared to do that. Deciding that I should not change for anyone, I started to think about what this must be like for the man in a relationship with a sex worker. I have found I can be in a happy relationship & NOT hobby or Hobby & be happy single. I have yet to find how to successfully navigate both at the same time!! Porn stars do it! Swingers do it. I know people do it!

How many of you are in open relationships, swing or are in a relationship with a sex worker? How does it effect you? Do you think it's fair to support her or supplement her income if you ask her to stop? Do you consider it cheating if she's a sex worker but not seeing or having sex with anyone else? I could never not be honest about this part of my life either. Is this the ultimate price we pay for being in this business? Ladies, how do you feel about all of it? I can't be the only one who would like my cake and eat it too?!

Thanks for listening!

Why was "finding another job" not even a consideration? Why were the immediate choices "he completely support me" or "I keep providing".

I'm just confused by how you could care enough to "feel guilty and feel like a shell of a woman" but then decide that you only alternative is to have him completely support you?

It's just odd I think to me because up until that point it seemed like a healthy relationship with normal concerns, but only answer you could come up with to a practical problem was an arrangement that seemed more SB SD esque.

[Little Monster]

Originally Posted by TemptationTammie

This seems like a double standard, unless you would be leaving the hobby for her.
I like my variety so I feel it's only fair for my partner to have a little variety as long as I come before any other lady.

I agree 100% it would be a double standard big time. And that is why I would not hobby if/when I find another girlfriend. Last girlfriend I had broke up with me in Sept of 2010, I've been hobbying ever since. And I'm with you when it comes to variety, it's that aspect of the hobby that would make it extremely hard to quit.

[BulleitBourbon]

Originally Posted by BugleBoy

Keep hobby world and real world in separate compartments. Don't mix or allow the streams to cross. How would it have been if he had not known about the hobby work, but just thought you had a real world job with strange hours?? Some providers strictly limit there hours to say, 9-5 so they might maintain some form of a normal work schedule and have a SO who doesn't know about the hobby.

Is it possible for a provider to successfully have SO who doesn't know, and to provide in the hobby at same time?

I would think this would cause more stress for the ladies than it would for the guys, all things equal. Most of us guys in the hobby are just old hound dogs who will chase after the ladies without regard to feelings. Not saying that's right, but it happens.

I'm still young in this game only been hobbying for a few years, no feelings cold :/

[russellevans]

Originally Posted by TehRyc

Why was "finding another job" not even a consideration? Why were the immediate choices "he completely support me" or "I keep providing".

I'm just confused by how you could care enough to "feel guilty and feel like a shell of a woman" but then decide that you only alternative is to have him completely support you?

It's just odd I think to me because up until that point it seemed like a healthy relationship with normal concerns, but only answer you could come up with to a practical problem was an arrangement that seemed more SB SD esque.

Something about this rant rubbed me the wrong way and you nailed it. Such a whore mentality - pay for me to quit otherwise I won't stop whoring. Being a whore must be your only option if you will only quit if a guy pays for your lifestyle. Even without the whoring component, most women I know find this type of perspective distasteful.

Apparently OP is super intelligent and has marketable skills but not banging other dudes for money wasn't on the table unless he paid for her shit. And she wonders why she can't find a man. Smh.

[The Infamous One]

Originally Posted by TehRyc

Why was "finding another job" not even a consideration? Why were the immediate choices "he completely support me" or "I keep providing".

[COLOR="DarkRed"] Without getting into some very personal specifics of why I need upwards of 10 to 20 grand asap. If you will read back I went through some traumatic things that caused me to have to completely rebuild Everything I lost this summer including car, house & everything in it. It is what it is right now. I do take classes and currently looking for work that could support myself, child and allow me to rebuild Everything I lost. 1. there is no work in my chosen field right now nor would it bring in the (10 to 20k quickly enough) for what I need for my child, myself and other dire responsibilities. But yes, of course it is/ was an option besides me providing.[/COLOR]

I'm just confused by how you could care enough to "feel guilty and feel like a shell of a woman" but then decide that you only alternative is to have him completely support you? That is not true. "I didn't ask him to completely support me" If he wanted me to quit before I reached those goals then yes... He'd need to help or supplement until those goals, that he was very aware of, were met. Not forever...A transitional stage.

It's just odd I think to me because up until that point it seemed like a healthy relationship with normal concerns, but only answer you could come up with to a practical problem was an arrangement that seemed more SB SD esque.

Sorry you perceive it that way,but that wasn't the case. He wasn't capable of doing that anyway & I didn't want to hurt him or him resent me.

[The Infamous One]

Originally Posted by russellevans

Something about this rant rubbed me the wrong way and you nailed it. Such a whore mentality - pay for me to quit otherwise I won't stop whoring. Being a whore must be your only option if you will only quit if a guy pays for your lifestyle. Even without the whoring component, most women I know find this type of perspective distasteful.

I wouldn't want to meet nor do I care about what any of the woman that know you or share your mentality thinks of as distasteful!

Apparently OP is super intelligent and has marketable skills but not banging other dudes for money wasn't on the table unless he paid for her shit. And she wonders why she can't find a man. Smh.

Hey if it hadn't of bothered him I would have been his sugar mama! But hey... You got it all figured out critisizing the very women you pay to give you attention and make you feel meaningful. You are quite a catch yourself! I bet you have a great woman at home in her place, while your paying to fuck the women you despise yet are so obviously intimated by. I can only imagine your fraternal influences!

[The Infamous One]

And while we are on the subject of needing support, because we can't do anything else but whore... Who do you have more respect for... a woman who could claim disability over a multitude of things, because she probably shouldn't work. But provides to pay her own way anyway or the lazy fuck on the bridge flying a sign that you give your quartes to, because his "why lie need dope" sign amused you so much that you forget how worthless he is living off your or probably your wife's tax dollars. But whores...Just terrible I tell ya. Not too terrible to fuck or have demeaning cconversations on a fuck board with!

[harkontume]

Originally Posted by The Infamous One

And while we are on the subject of needing support, because we can't do anything else but whore... Who do you have more respect for... a woman who could claim disability over a multitude of things, because she probably shouldn't work. But provides to pay her own way anyway or the lazy fuck on the bridge flying a sign that you give your quartes to, because his "why lie need dope" sign amused you so much that you forget how worthless he is living off your or probably your wife's tax dollars. But whores...Just terrible I tell ya. Not too terrible to fuck or have demeaning cconversations on a fuck board with!

Thank you people this appears to be one of the most respectful "discussions" i have seen on the board in a long time. So far no one has yelled "STFU".

But the SO issue you brought up seems personal and painful.
Unfortunately SO issues usually are.

The good news is with a body like that you should have no problem attracting a mate that could care for you financially and emotionally.
The bad news is that , a man in such financial and emotional stability is not likely to view your "work" as impersonal and separate from the relationship.

No one can control or change others ,, at least not for long.
The only opportunity to change is within us and about us.

Good Luck with that.

[3daygetaway]

Loyalty and Fidelity don't have to be the same thing. Intimacy and sexuality don't have to be the same either. I can make love to a stranger but only use my vulnerable, "little boy" voice with my SO. I can sleep around but am only partners with one person.

[knotty man]

Originally Posted by 3daygetaway

Loyalty and Fidelity don't have to be the same thing. Intimacy and sexuality don't have to be the same either. I can make love to a stranger but only use my vulnerable, "little boy" voice with my SO. I can sleep around but am only partners with one person.

Would you be able to handle that same logic from your wife, SO, or girlfriend?

[nuglet]

This lifestyle isn't so different from the swinger lifestyle, just a lot more expensive. Wife sharing, trading is common and most of the swingers I know are very very close emotionally. Not sure how it's supposed to be a problem... CHEATING is the issue being discussed, with actually naming the elephant in the room.