Funny Stuff & Jokes

[wnykittenkisser]

I don't care who you are that there is dam funny.

[generalbob]

Originally Posted by Celso

It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!.....
IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT.
A WARNING TO US ALL!

Shampoo Warning! I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner! I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and yet printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning,"FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME."
No wonder I have been gaining weight! Well, I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dish washing Soap. Its label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."

Lock thread now. We have a winner. I will be beating this one to death.

[xxxalyssaxxx]

Attachment 440179

[xxxalyssaxxx]

Hahaha

[Guest041919-1]

Originally Posted by wnykittenkisser

Negativity
This is something to think about when negative people

Are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …


A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..



She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: " Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"



"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"



" Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"



"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."



"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."



"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."



"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."



A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.


"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"



"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."



"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."



"Oh, really! What'd he say?"




He said: "Who fucked up your hair?"

[almostagentleman]

I was kicked out of the cub scouts........................ ....................






just because I ate a brownie.

[Guest070916]

[Guest070916]

[almostagentleman]

Just a wild guess..............she's a blonde?

[Guest070916]

[almostagentleman]

ahhh. the innocence of the '60s.

[Guest070916]

Originally Posted by almostagentleman

ahhh. the innocence of the '60s.

Indeed....it was a very good year(s).....

[wnykittenkisser]

Great song. Not sure why it is in funny stuff and jokes but thanks for sharing it anyhow.

[wnykittenkisser]

So a lady walks into a hardware store and asks for a hinge the clerk asks her if she would like a screw for and she reply's no but i will blow you for that toaster on the wall .

[wnykittenkisser]

Three Black Men

At the National Art Gallery in Dublin , a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.

The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.

'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society'.

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, 'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'

'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery, asked the couple?

'Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied. 'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.

They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.’