Hi .. important question .... but afraid to ask..... :/

[Guest092616]

Hi everyone ... I'm Naughty .... or Naughty bbw..Jill ....still pretty new to the hobby ...... semi new to Bdsm ... I'm a switch (sort of . Lol ) ... and find it necessary to be the Domme or Fem Dom ... or Dominatrix in the hobby .... (only for ....my safety- and maybe just a few other reasons ) .... but in the real real world ...I'm a sexy Sub..or Brat ....or Slave occasionally ...(& bad girl for Daddy) ....My question is .. Is there any way at all to do the Sub role safely in the hobby ???? The danger of it is outrageous .... !!!!! I'm already scared of backpage all the time and LE.....now I'm supposed to let a client tie me up .... handcuff me ???? I dont think so!!!!!! Or can I only do it with an. SO????? ..... what are your thoughts ? Experiences ???? Ladies ... i bet you have some great ideas .... or advice here. Guys too . I really don't want to get p411...due to the hassle of it ...... but may need to . . . Thanks in advance. Naughty (but improving )....

[Keyhole Arc Blow]

You can make it known you do kink, I'm sure clients that are interested will ask you about it. After you see clients a few times and have a relationship/friendship going and have a feel you'll know whether they seem like someone you can sub for. Maybe give the first kink session for free, in the event that it doesn't work out there's no obligation for you to continue the session. Working for free might not be ideal by it can be a nice precaution.

That's one way I can think of approaching it, as the idea of providers subbing has popped in my mind too. I know from a provider friend's experience that stuff can go south real quick when playing with someone you don't know.

[Guest092616]

Excellent - Keyhole ....excellent advice!!! ..... maybe after the first 2 times. . .With a potential Dom .. I will know much more ....if I can trust him to try that . I don't like our local Bdsm group .. (long story)... so I can't go to munches and meet local men and women ... but I've wanted to start my own group many times . But safety is always a problem . And screening . And rules . Ugggghhhh.... so hard . Thank you a million Keyhole !!! You are great !!!!! ♡ Naughty . ♡

[Keyhole Arc Blow]

Another solution I can think of that'll likely be unpopular with clients(and maybe you) is having someone you trust act as a dungeon master of sorts. Basically if the client gets out of hand, or doesn't listen when you call red/safeword they can step in to stop etc. The DM could also act as a mentor for less experienced doms and just as extra help for more intricate or involved activities like say rope suspension or whatever you may be into.

The downside is few people would want to do that for free which is the part you may not like.

Those are the only two solutions I can come up with.

[HUMP!]

Naughty, Keyhole covered what I was considering suggesting, to bring a third person in to act as a safety. At least they could call in the rescue choppers! But in all seriousness, if you're not comfortable to that degree with a client, then don't do it. I would think a provider only consider a client with whom they've built a solid history together which, of course, takes time and effort. The stakes are so high, one can't afford anything but a sure thing.
A regular of mine, and ATF whom I've known for a couple of years, still won't let me put cuffs on her, and we've vacationed together. Keeps the dream alive, I suppose.
I think your hesitancy, or refusal, in context, is well placed.

[Guest092616]

Keyhole ... I just got very.. . .very turned on by the words "Dungeon Master" .... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm ... trying to concentrate here .. i could not focus with the client because I would want the Dungeon Master all to myself ......to ravage me if he was a Dom or Master ...lol......I bet I could get one to do it for free for me one or two times ... .... but the problem is . I don't KNOW- any. A knowledgeable Dungeon Master would turn me on big time !!! Oh yeah . Another problem ... i don't have a Dungeon or playroom. But my toy collection is growing by leaps and bounds ..hah.. Sorry . Got off track . What were we saying ???? Rofl . ( yeah gonna be hard to find clients ok ... With a Dungeon Master ... 4 feet away ) .... love Naughty .

[Guest092616]

Hump ... yep ... I agree with y o u . And yes . Maybe I was wrong . Takes more than 2 sessions .. to see if a client can be truly trustworthy enough to put me in a potentially - very unsafe situation .... needs to be someone I know. Sad. Because there is a big thrill and turn on in the ) New guy . Or stranger ... or forbidden or unknown aspect or what will he do to me ?? But not enough for me to compromise my safety . So . Say No to strangers . Lol . And yes Safe words are always in place !!!! . Thank you . Naughty ♡ .

[HUMP!]

You know what the men say among themselves when suggesting caution?
They say, "Don't let the little head overrule the big head." There's likely a corollary applicable to the ladies.

[ElisabethWhispers]

http://www.amazon.com/The-Pleasures-.../dp/0786716487

The Pleasure's All Mine: Memoirs of a Professional Submissive

It's a fun read plus, it does offer some ideas about safety, etc. It is a memoir, though, and not a how to book. I found it to be a completely great book to read.

I don't know how you can be completely safe doing submissive work. I touched my toes, VERY lightly, into trying it and was really disappointed.

Some men aren't dominants. They're bullies. And that is what I found more so than the other. Again, my experience is very light. I've met lifestyle dominants who are the real deal.

But in the hobby? I would need to REALLY establish a lot of trust before letting someone tie me up, etc. I just wouldn't feel safe doing it, even if someone was in the other room. If there was someone watching from a security a camera (which I would find unnerving), or IN the room, I might feel differently.

The book is interesting and actually discusses these different options that she experienced.

Good luck,
Elisabeth

[jonboy52]

If you don't wanna do the p411 thing, than perhaps you may want to create a fetlife profile and first meet with only others with a fetlife profile. How much of a hassle is it to create a safer encounter for yourself?

[DallasRain]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/caseygueren/...dsm#.drEDN9DJ7
http://www.submissiveguide.com/2008/...dsm-lifestyle/

good luck and have fun!

[brianjackson]

Originally Posted by ElisabethWhispers

http://www.amazon.com/The-Pleasures-.../dp/0786716487

The Pleasure's All Mine: Memoirs of a Professional Submissive

It's a fun read plus, it does offer some ideas about safety, etc. It is a memoir, though, and not a how to book. I found it to be a completely great book to read.

I don't know how you can be completely safe doing submissive work. I touched my toes, VERY lightly, into trying it and was really disappointed.

Some men aren't dominants. They're bullies. And that is what I found more so than the other. Again, my experience is very light. I've met lifestyle dominants who are the real deal.

But in the hobby? I would need to REALLY establish a lot of trust before letting someone tie me up, etc. I just wouldn't feel safe doing it, even if someone was in the other room. If there was someone watching from a security a camera (which I would find unnerving), or IN the room, I might feel differently.

The book is interesting and actually discusses these different options that she experienced.

Good luck,
Elisabeth

I think the best solution is to have someone in the other room and make it clear they can call whenever they want. If the dom doesn't hold the phone up to your ear so you can say you are ok then the other person is coming in.

I don't blame the ladies for being careful and safe but there is one thing I don/t fully understand. If a guy is crazy enough to abuse you when he has you tied up or even blindfolded, then he is crazy enough to abuse you period and your problem is not that much different. But I do understand the fear of being tied up.

I for one do like to tie people up once in a while and I have never had much problem getting providers to agree to it. Once on a first time together and sometimes on the second time I see them. I guess I come off as a harmless guy, I hope.

[justabloke]

There are a few BDSM providers who work together using shared premises/dungeons. In Austin we have Roxy Jezel and I know there are some in Dallas too. Why not talk to the ones in Waco and maybe see about setting up something similar? That way there will always be someone else around and you can have something very nice with 3 or 4 of you sharing the costs.

[Guest092616]

Everyone ~ thank you !!!! Truly wonderful advice !!!! Thank you !!!! Love ... Naughty . ♡

[kami405]

I have no issue being tied up and blind folded when one of my trusted doubles partners is playing the dom. Role.
Clients are much more excited about a 3rd party when its another provider