A good lawyer to ave on retainer?

[kronikle]

Hi all!
I'm visiting New Orleans for next couple of months and I'm not a US citizen. Would someone kindly refer (pm) me a lawyer I can retain?
Thanks in advance!

[ShysterJon]

kronikle: This forum exists to post, answer, and discuss legal QUESTIONS, specifically related to the hobby. It's not an attorney finder board.

In my opinion, a hobbyist visiting New Orleans for an extended period who wants to retain an attorney well-versed in Louisiana criminal law and federal immigration law as it pertains to state criminal law should contact the New Orleans Bar Association:

http://www.neworleansbar.org/find-a-lawyer.html

Good luck!

[Road Lizard]

Try Avvo.com, that's a place where clients rate their lawyers and you can find the type of lawyer you need beforehand.

Don't really know how well it works for hobbyists but it's got to be a little better than searching through a phone book.

[ShysterJon]

Originally Posted by Road Lizard

Try Avvo.com, that's a place where clients rate their lawyers and you can find the type of lawyer you need beforehand.

Don't really know how well it works for hobbyists but it's got to be a little better than searching through a phone book.

I completely disagree. Every lawyer knows AVVO is a joke.

[Road Lizard]

Originally Posted by ShysterJon

I completely disagree. Every lawyer knows AVVO is a joke.

Hadn't heard that. Try this guy....

[Guest061814]

AVVO...pfft. I was feeling helpful...pm sent.

[ShysterJon]

Muse, welcome back.

[Guest061814]

Thank you, SJ. I see nothing much has changed. You hold down the fort well, though.

[ShysterJon]

You're welcome. Sometimes I feel like the last man standing at the Hooker Alamo.

[Unique_Carpenter]

But you are the only one that can stay sane answering repetitive questions.

[ShysterJon]

It's true I get the same questions over and over. I even have text I can block and copy to answer them. But I usually just tap out an answer in 30 seconds. Sometimes I'll compare the answer I tapped out with my 'boilerplate' (that's what lawyers call something that's used over and over) and my new answer will be EXACTLY the same as my boilerplate. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. I do know my advice on basic topics is good because I've gotten feedback over decades. The advice is based on my experiences, and the experiences of hundreds of others.

So while a robot could probably do most of my job, occasionally I'll get a new fact situation. Those questions keep my tiny brain relatively alert.

btw, Muse, I've been working up a set of pointers for new criminal defense lawyers. What do you think?

TIPS FOR PRACTICING CRIMINAL LAW

1. Always get paid up front.
2. Always be nice to court personnel. Bring them cookies if they do you a favor.
3. Never lie to a judge. Lie as much as you want to a prosecutor.
4. Cops lie like motherfuckers. All this claptrap about juries believing cops is hogwash. Juries EXPECT a defense lawyer to rip open the neck of a testifying cop because (I guess) that's what they see on TV and in movies. If you catch a cop in a lie, the jury will find that compelling and, even better, entertaining.
5. Always charge a fee, even if it’s $10. If you don’t, your client will think your time is worth nothing.
6. The less a client pays, the more a pain in the ass they’ll be, and vice-versa.
7. For clients who pay on time, put their work on the front burner. For clients who pay late, put their work on the back burner.
8. Be nice. If someone isn’t nice back, give them shit to regret it.
9. Never try a case to a judge or let the judge decide the punishment unless you know him/her like the back of your hand. It’s much easier to create reasonable doubt with a jury.
10. If your client has a history of substance abuse and violating their probation, it might be best for them to do time rather than serving probation.
11. NEVER, EVER put up with shit from a client. I'm an attorney, not a slave. If your client is abusive, give them a warning. If it happens again, fire them.

[Guest061814]

These are excellent.

Number 10 is perhaps the one that needs to be said over and over. I see so many lawyers doing everything they can to avoid jail time (usually a short sentence) for their client(s) only to have that client screw up repeatedly. Sometimes someone serving 30 days is the far better option for everyone. Especially the client. Why set up your client for unrealistic expectations?

Cookies and brownies do work wonders...

Juries do think cops lie. They expect it and are waiting for it in any case when the defendant is at all sympathetic. Curiously, I think they tend to believe them in cases involving children being harmed, stranger rape cases, etc. I call it the Olivia Benson effect. Liv don't lie.

Always assume your client is lying. Sometimes you'll be wrong, but it's best not to be surprised. If you get lucky with an actually innocent client...fight like hell to set them free. Otherwise fight like hell to get them a fair outcome and keep the prosecutor in check.

When people ask you how you can, in good conscience, defend guilty people, tell them this, "Every prosecutor and defender should have the same goal...that innocent people go free and guilty people receive fair sentences. It is my job to make sure police and prosecutors don't cut corners to put people in jail. If they get away with cutting corners with 'bad people' what is to stop them from cutting corners with you?" That results in ... Crickets. Crickets.

[Unique_Carpenter]

^^^^^ Quite.
Have missed your commentary Muse. Whether straight, or amusing.

[Enchanterlingum]

Originally Posted by ShysterJon

6. The less a client pays, the more a pain in the ass they’ll be, and vice-versa.

As a recovering retail worker with 18 years on the wagon, holy shit is this the truth.