It's funny... but I'm presenting it funnier.
So occasionally I have folks that I help out with getting in touch with a provider, since going to backpage, or coming to a website like ECCIE is a study in cognitive dissonance. You know the type in Wichita, they can be found in two different places on Sunday and Friday night that would seem to create some hypocrisy.
Nonetheless, our story involves one of these precious people. I went out of town on Friday, the victim of Hurricane Thursday night in power outage. Fuck it. Colorado here I come. I got a call on Friday night, asking if I could contact XXXXXXXX from a website. Turns out Hooker #1 was a travelling gal.
I contacted her and asked some questions after checking out her Tineye results, all the standard stuff you learn watching the ECCIE vet folks. Valuable experience I put to use for Mr. Hypocrisy. More on this later.
Incall is no good, but she keeps trying to tell me to "cum see her" with baby like every other word. So I say I can't do it and prepare to get off the phone when she hits me with a $50 upcharge (from an over $200 rate). I understand, and tell her I'd be happy to pay that, but I have some outfit requests that match her pics, and her classy descriptors... she tells me that's "ok baby" but the time she spends getting ready for an outcall comes out of our alone time.
I ask, so isn't that the $50? She says no, that's for use of her car to drive. Ok, I said, why can't she just come dressed? She tells me she's not travelling that way as it attracts too much attention. Ok, fair enough. She was nice enough not to charge me for travel time, this is just for depreciation I'm reminded. Apparently she knows depreciation.
She then asks what makeup I like, and I just sort of said, well whatever goes with what you're wearing, and she says ok, but doing her makeup comes out of the time as well. When I asked why, she said she isn't wearing that kind of makeup outside.
OK, again I say I understand, but I asked - if you have to get made up, what if I wanted an incall, would she put on makeup and take it out of my time then? No, she said, she doesn't really worry about her makeup for incalls, "I am who I am and everyone recognizes my SKILLZ" (I spell it that way, because it just was how it sounded).
Ok, I told her "right on baby" and then told her I'd get back with her to set it up.
Cum see me baby.
So I call Mr. Easter Weekend and tell him that for north of 275 he can get an hour of time with a girl who will probably spend 30 minutes doing her makeup while saying baby every other word, and probably will upsell him at the first chance, because, you know, she's already doing it...I also warned him those pics had been around awhile (see, its those useful ECCIE skillz).
You know how this ends. He calls, she shows up, looking like those pics were at least 3 years and several kegs or cupcakes or whatever ago, and she just looks used up and not ... cute (how he put it). However, he's all excited about being a hypocrite, and has a mediocre time that was "machine like." (again, his words) She suggested a tip since she "finished" him on her face, and he ponied up.
She left after 25 minutes of makeup/stretching into too tight fishnets and 10 minutes of rush to happy land. LOL.
The Lesson. Shop Local, listen to veterans and for criminey's sake SAY NO!
Just had to share, its been hilarious to discuss afterwards.
Entertaining Hobby Fail
