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Old 02-02-2015, 09:36 PM   #1
DarkeyKong
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Default Should have gotten DirectTV
When you're horny you seek a provider for one of her famed car dates

When she isn't available, you try to find other means of satiating your sexual deviancy.

When you do that, you try to find shady massage establishments

Like foot joy

Then you are greeted by a semi attractive asian lady

You let her lead you into the back

Then you get greeted by a dude, a fucking dude named Jack

Jack does odd things to you:

He jerks off all 10 fingers and toes
He caresses (massages) your calves
He jerks off your calves
He jerks off the sides of your feet
When you're happy the experience is over he massages your thighs (at this point, he may get punched in the fucking face if he touches your dick)
He then repeatedly attempts to penetrate your feet with multiple appendages
He whispers in your ear to flip (cringeworthy)
He then massages your ass, your MOTHER FUCKING ASS!!!
He repeatedly bangs his groinal area against the top of your head in an attempt to massage the small of your back
He then commences to massage......your MOTHER FUCKING ASS!!!
He jerks off your arms

Don't let Jack jerk off your arms

Get DirectTV, watch porn, and jerk off (or just wait until slim is available)

Big shout out to Slim for being responsible for the single most violating, traumatic, homo-erotic experiences in my life!!!
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Old 02-03-2015, 06:58 AM   #2
douche.mcbaggerson
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^^^^ Awesomeness...LOL
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Old 02-03-2015, 10:14 AM   #3
Guest050619-1
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Okay....too funny. Laughed so hard I practically snot-bubbled a steamy sip of Maxwell House out my nostrils just now....

I'm bailing the second Jack walks thru that door...I flip him a 20 for his troubles and I'm totally gone. But hey...you gave us something fun to read so thanks!
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Old 02-03-2015, 02:09 PM   #4
DarkeyKong
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Funny shit huh? Yeah he made me his bitch. I tipped him out of principle but I just had to laugh at the situation afterwards. I tipped him for making me his bitch....
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Old 02-03-2015, 02:14 PM   #5
WalkerTx
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Hell, if he had gone any further, you may have needed to change your tag line to "Dick Wellinme !"
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Old 02-03-2015, 02:51 PM   #6
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Lol!!!
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Old 02-03-2015, 06:56 PM   #7
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Shouldnt this be in the Amp section? Lol?
Please add the price you paid for Jack's time or the mods wont give you credit for the review. TFF.
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:19 PM   #8
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LOL. You need to say "I prefer lady" before you start waking to the back.

Even for legit massage, I've never really liked another guy touching me. Handshakes, buddy hugs, and fist bumps are ok. Anything close to intimate and I'm outta' there.
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Old 02-03-2015, 07:29 PM   #9
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That's a development opportunity for me. See I didn't want the people to think I was just a horndog coming to find some action (which is exactly what the scenario was) so I went through with it. Even tipped the fucking guy based solely on principle. I am studying the art of not giving a fuck but it's hard not to revert to my stupid fucking nice guy persona. I need some tips on how to repress that shit! I'm still on chapter 1 "How to not be a Bitch", I guess I haven't learned that lesson yet.
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Old 02-03-2015, 08:08 PM   #10
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Did you come?


Hiiiiyooooooo!
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Old 02-03-2015, 08:29 PM   #11
DarkeyKong
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hidaka View Post
Did you come?


Hiiiiyooooooo!
Yeah, I came, I came to the realization that I was given a "manssage"! Horrible experience, HORRIBLE!!!
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Old 02-03-2015, 08:55 PM   #12
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That was great! I needed to laugh this evening!
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Old 02-04-2015, 11:30 AM   #13
LargeBreastFan
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Was it a BFE?
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Old 02-04-2015, 01:42 PM   #14
RideFreeInTexas
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What about the flip man, you didn't tell us what happened. I bet you had a boner that would cut glass
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Old 02-04-2015, 04:51 PM   #15
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Lol, well not quite. I'm pretty sure my "outie" became an "innie" on the flip, and for that short period of time, I felt what it was like to have a vagina,
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