Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeeba Neighba
I agree with all of that but I'll add a few other things as someone who has greatly enjoyed being a Dom in BDSM role play for 18 years.
1. TALK TO THE GUY first - at length and in a neutral and preferably public place - about it. Listen carefully. Listen for his philosophy and understanding of the psychology behind it. If he doesn't express those things, he's just looking to beat the hell out someone and doesn't really know what he's doing. In that case, run...run far and run fast.
2. See if he's open to having someone there for the first session or two if you have a kinky friend who might want to watch. Just sort of a safety in numbers thing.
3. Be clear about what you think your limits are in the beginning. I say in the beginning because, if done correctly, your limits will probably change over time.
4. Look for a Dom that will listen - REALLY listen - to you. This is not only for safety, but also so he really knows you and can use that information to sculpt his approach to your sessions. Err on the side of giving him too much information, especially about things that might be triggers.
5. HAVE AN OPEN MIND. IT'S ALL ABOUT TRUST. Really good, true BDSM is all about exploring and expanding boundaries. I've had subs who did things (and had orgasms so powerful they bordered on convulsions in the process) that they NEVER would have dreamed of in the beginning. But as trust built, they would go a little further and explore a little more each time. Eventually that got to the place where their trust was complete and a whole world opened up.
The great paradox of submission in BDSM is that it can be incredibly liberating. But it's all about finding a Dom you can trust and who really knows what he's doing.
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These are all great points you have made for those who take BDSM more seriously than I do. You seem to be genuinely caring, and someone a sub could trust. Many others are not, and they are sadistic abusive assholes with their own massive internal issues.
I am just NOT that serious about this type of stuff anymore. For me, it has to be about having
Fun, and not so much about going beyond my own limits (
sub role) or inflicting bodily/emotional harm on someone (
Dom role).
I already do this every day in my Spiritual walk and my Life's journey. Trust me I
KNOW what it means to
go beyond my limits, especially when overcoming fear and pain. I don't need to be a slave to someone to grow as a person, but I do need Jesus.
My views on BDSM greatly changed after that trip that Chloe and I took to Des Moines, IA.
I will NEVER again view this type of lifestyle in the same way every again. It sickened and disgusted me!! I had PTSD for months after watching what went on inside that place!!
This might be why the BDSM world never accepts me lol. Because I am not serious about it, I like to have Fun/Laugh and not to mention that I am a
Switch.
I just consider myself to be a
Healthy Person who really loves
Sexuality/Sex (
A LOT lol). I am slave to NO man, and I do NOT have any desire for anyone to be my slave either. The idea of this is a huge turn off for me now. After many years of working on myself, I now see people in a whole new Light. I choose to be a maker/maintainer of
Peace/Love. Not a creator of self esteem issues, and deep emotional scars.
Balance is what I believe in, and this very concept is why the
BDSM community/world and I blend together like oil and water lol. We do
NOT see eye to eye on what is abusive and damaging, and what is done in
Fun.
Oh well, there are millions of other things that have seized my interest that center around a
Healthy Sexual Balance, and boy are they super
Fun lol
My Advice:
- Do this in Fun with someone you Trust and have a Connection. It should be an enjoyable experience for both parties.
- Do not let yourself get sucked into a world of chaos where, more often than not, the Dom is the one with the real emotional/mental issues (
not the sub as most would initially think).
Now you can all let the fiery daggers fly in my direction LOL.
Flame Away lol...
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ROLE PLAY ???
